Jason Genova is always running, running,
running, toward his destiny! Where will he end up in his epic
bodybuilding journey? Genova's Witnesses have been tuning in to
the ultimate underdog story for over a decade to find out.
My Story Era (July 2009 - November 2012)
-In summer 2009, a chubby boy named Jason Genova uploads a video
to YouTube called My Storie Part 1 where he proclaims his desire
to become a pro bodybuilder. There seems to be something "off"
about this young man, but nobody can quite put their finger on
what. It's never explained why he calls himself "Jason Giovanni"
in this video but "Jason Genova" afterwards. His delusions and
penchant for outrageous and unintentionally hilarious quotes make
his videos a cult comedy hit. He and his crew (Jonas, Joey Joe Joe
and Angel J) continue to upload My Story videos, Jason starts
calling out pro bodybuilders, and going on impromptu rants against
his "haters". The first major event that propels Jason to fame is
when he calls out bodybuilder Mark Alvisi, earning him attention
from PJ Braun, Aaron Singerman, Ron Harris, and Layne Norton. At
this time, Genova is somewhat well known on bodybuilding.com's
Misc forum but is pretty much unknown everywhere else. (My Storie
Part 1)
-Jason earns his first arch-rival in Josh Foxx, who used to work
at the Gold's Gym frequented by Genova. He constantly mocks Genova
for all of his obvious deficiencies. The feud spans a solid year
culminating in Josh making a mockumentary of Jason's "My Storie
Part 1". Somewhat surprisingly, Josh Foxx receives an
overwhelmingly negative response to this video, proving that
Genova's Witnesses may enjoy poking fun at Jason, but deep down
they are also protective of him from skinny haters like Josh Foxx.
This is the beginning of the "no one is allowed to call Jason a
retard except us" mentality adopted by his fans. (Josh Foxx's
parody video)
-Jason claims that he competed in a bodybuilding show and took 3rd
place in it, and he shows off his 3rd place medal on video.
However, one viewer claims to have checked the record of the
bodybuilding show that was named and didn't find Jason listed as
one of the competitors. What's more, another viewer notices that
Jason's medal does not actually say 3rd but rather '03, suggesting
that it denotes the year 2003.
-Jason appears on a radio show with Aaron Singerman. He relays a
message from Lee Priest who calls Jason out, calling him
"retarded" and expressing doubt about his claims that he knows
science. This sparks Jason's first ever celebrity feud. Jason
insists that he's not retarded and says that he is now coming out
of the closet about being ADD, ODD, and dyslexia, comparing
himself to Lou Ferrigno. PJ Braun also calls into the show,
marking Jason's innocuous first meeting with his future crush
"PeeJay". (Radio
interview part 1) (Part 2)
-People begin to seriously question whether Genova is for real or
if he's just a brilliant Andy Kaufman-esque troll. He releases a
video where he's in a gazebo and says that he's about to
demonstrate a "crescent kick", a move he learned from the 80s. "Nobody
knows about this technique but me." He runs up to the gazebo
railing, does a little hop, then awkwardly kicks his legs up
backwards. The self proclaimed "former semi-pro UFC fighter" also
shows off his own invention, the "palm kick", where he kicks and
punches simultaneously for a devastating double blow. Oh how I
wish this video was still around. It was possibly the funniest one
of all time.
-A random man in the gym named Andrew Fiedelman agrees to film a
brief cell phone video of Jason doing a set of leg press.
Eventually though, the relationship evolves to the point where
Andrew gets roped into becoming Jason's regular camera man. He
films videos of Jason working out in the gym rather than the
documentary style My Story videos. Andrew's witty commentary and
Jason's interactions with various members of the gym (many of whom
are fascinating weirdos themselves) give the videos a strong
sitcom style. It proves to be a winning formula, and Genova's
infamy continues to grow. (First video with Andrew)
-Even after Andrew becomes Jason's regular camera man, Jason and
his old crew still occasionally release a new My Story
installment, the newest ones being My Story Part 6 and My Story
Part 7: Macho Man. The latter is quickly flagged and deleted by
YouTube due to being inappropriate -- Jason spends most of the
video calling some girl with braces ugly ("I never wanna have kids
with you, the kid will come out all ugly with braces on!"). He
also mysteriously has a hillbilly accent for this one video. (My Story
Part 7: Macho Man)
-Jason competes in a bodybuilding show in West Palm Beach. The
footage of Jason posing on stage looks hilariously similar to an
episode of the comedy show, Workaholics, where the
character Adam DeMamp competes in a bodybuilding show. An incident
also occurs where Jason gets horny as fuck and chases a bikini
figure model across the stage while she's doing her routine. (Jason
Genova's legendary posing routine)
-After Jason finds out that Ron Harris has been mocking him, he
calls out Ron for being on steroids. He even goes over to the
Muscular Development forums and gets into a flame war with him,
much to the amusement of all the spectators. Jason later takes
everything back, claiming that it was all "fun and games",
possibly seeking a sponsorship from Gaspari Nutrition (who sponsor
Ron).
-One of Jason's biggest "fans", Gideon, makes the trip all the way
from England to hang out with The Spaniard for a day. Andrew and
Gideon film the famous video at Target and McDonald's where they
indulge The Spaniard's delusions for a day, and he first
demonstrates his incredible proficiency at scarfing down fast food
at record speeds. He looks at the camera with a mouthful of food
and pleads with Skip LaCour (his first ever celebrity coath) not
to be mad because it's just a one-time cheat meal. (The famous Target and McDonald's video)
-Jason shows off his autographed Lou Ferrigno picture and claims
that Lou is a big fan of his. After receiving criticism from fans
for not knowing how to cook and eating the exact same three
microwaved meals every day, The Iron Chef sets out to prove that
he eats a wide variety of healthy foods and attempts to
demonstrate by cooking some oatmeal. It becomes hilariously
obvious that he has never cooked oatmeal in his life after he just
sticks the dry oatmeal in the microwave without adding water and
ends up burning it. (The oatmeal
burning video)
-Jason trains (for free
of course) with Skip LaCour, who previously had only given Jason
coathing online and by phone. He gives Jason solid advice, diet
and nutrition plans, and free personal training, all of which
Jason ignores. (Video with
Coath Skip)
-Jason actually meets up with his former nemesis Ron Harris. Jason
trains with and receives advice from Ron, all of which he promptly
ignores. (Video with
Ron Harris)
-Jason competes in the "Abz of Adoniss" show at about 16% body
fat, claiming to finish in 2nd place out of 3 competitors; the guy
he supposedly finished ahead of had a torn bicep. In the
post-contest interview conducted by Andrew, the
backwards-shirt-wearing Jason says that he did not expect to face
such strong competition. When Andrew tells Jason that he should
have expected to face competitors with good physiques at a
bodybuilding show, Jason utters his now legendary quote: "Yeah but
sometimes nobody shows up and you automatically win." (Abz of
Adoniss post-contest interview)
-Jason and Andrew arrive at Delray Fitness early in the morning to
film their usual workout video, but the employee who unlocks the
door hasn't shown up yet. They instead head over to 24 Hour
Fitness, and Jason reads a letter on camera from a fan with a
cuckolding fetish who wants his girlfriend to live with Jason for
a while. They get kicked out of the gym for filming, and Andrew
actually has his membership terminated. (The 24 Hour
Fitness video)
-The alpha wolf of Delray Fitness, Big Richard, threatens to kill
Jason and dump his body in the Everglades because he had been
talking dirty to his daughter over Facebook the night before.
Jason shrinks away and claims that he had no idea who the girl
was. The next day, Jason arrives at the gym one hour late,
conveniently after Big Richard has left, denies that he's avoiding
Big Richard, and keeps showing up to the gym late, claiming that
his alarm clock didn't go off. Eventually, Jason and Big Richard
meet again and the two make up. Big Richard even offers to help
Jason find a girl on Plenty Of Fish who'll suck his dick. (Big
Richard expresses his displeasure at Genova)
PJ Braun Era (November 2012 - November 2013)
The dawn of the PJ Braun era, The infamous leg
workout video at Busy Body Fitness
-Jason gets sponsored by a supplement company called Iron Mag Labs
via PJ Braun and Aaron Singerman. The two had been longtime fans
of Jason since 2009, and PJ had recently taken Jason through a leg
workout video, which left Jason collapsed on the ground grabbing
his tallywacker and on the verge of vomiting. PJ and Aaron give
him free supplements (including pro hormones) and offer him $1,000
if he wins a local bodybuilding show. (Jason gets
sponsored)
-Soon after Jason realizes his lifelong dream of being sponsored
and $1,000 being up for grabs if he wins a bodybuilding show, he
decides that now is the perfect time to take a 2 week vacation
from the gym, it's so sickening. This is a foreshadowing of what's
to come in the Iron Mag Labs era.
-YouTube fitness celebrity Ian McCarthy makes a video professing
that he enjoys Jason's videos and that people shouldn't put him
down, because he's probably autistic. This infuriates Jason since
he is not autism. He goes on an extended rant where he threatens
to strangle Ian, calls him skinny, and says that he's a rich kid
whose dad owns BP, the multi billion dollar oil company. In
reality, his dad only works as an engineer or something for BP.
How Jason equated that with owning the entire company is beyond
me. (Jason goes
in dry against Ian McCarthy)
-Jason posts on his Facebook that he needs an emergency liver
transplant. A few moments later he famously posts: "Feel cold.
I love all my fans. Remember me" The next day, he claims
that someone hacked into his Facebook account. Big Richard
suggests that it must have been the Chinese military. (Jason
addresses the liver failure rumour)
-Jason reunites with his old crew led by Jonas to film another My
Story video, part 7 (not to be confused with the original My Story
Part 7: Macho Man, which was deleted). Its release generates a
huge amount of controversy because Jason does outrageous stunts in
it like lighting his head on fire, riding on top of an SUV, and
the producers are clearly making fun of him. Much to the
displeasure of PJ Braun, it also includes a scene of Jason
devouring an entire chicken in less than five minutes as two girls
in the restaurant stare in disgust. (My Story
Part 7)
-PJ Braun orders Jason never to hang around with the Jonas crew
again, threatening to cut off his sponsorship if he does not
comply. Jason tells his old producers to get lost and they have an
ugly split, and they delete his original "JasonGenova" YouTube
channel in revenge. Only a few of the My Story videos are able to
be salvaged on other channels after this.
-Jason goes over to PJ's house to be lectured on his involvement
with the Jonas crew and for a posing tutorial, resulting in the
now legendary Jason posing at PJ's house video, which becomes one
of the most popular Jason Genova videos of all time. Jason
receives a pair of red posing trunks from PJ and cherishes them a
little too much from that point on. The red posing trunks will
make several guest appearances in later episodes. (Jason Genova
heads to PJ Braun's house)
-PJ and Aaron make their own supplement company called Blackstone
Labs. Jason, as a sponsored "athlete", gets bags of pro hormones,
pre workouts, etc. PJ buys hundreds of dollars worth of groceries
for him so he will have no excuses for not eating correctly to get
in shape. Things are looking promising for Genova to finally get
jacked; what can possibly go wrong? (PJ and Jason
go grocery shopping)
-PJ writes up an idiot-proof diet plan. This proves impossible for
Jason to follow and he admits to cheating on his diet. PJ and
Aaron hit upon the genius idea of making a Jason-proof diet: it
consists of as much eggs, beef, mustard, and water as Jason wants
but only those things. This results in the infamous microwaved
slab of frozen beef and microwaved egg videos, making it apparent
that Jason has never cooked anything in his life, by extension
meaning his diet is made up entirely of fast food and microwave
meals. Who knows what happened to all the fresh food PJ bought
Jason -- he obviously didn't know how to cook it. (The
microwaved ground beef video)
-Iron Mag Labs drops Jason's sponsorship due to his lack of
progress, but PJ and Aaron continue to sponsor him through
Blackstone Labs. The end of the video is one of the most emotional
moments of the saga when Genova vows to keep fighting on while
holding back tears as the Rocky theme plays softly in the
background. (Jason
dropped by Iron Mag Labs)
-A mysterious figure named Chad emerges. The first evidence of his
existence is when "Jason" starts to write descriptions for his
videos and replies to comments on his videos in a surprisingly
literate manner. Chad is a marketing student who fancies himself
as Jason's new manager and promises him lots of subscribers if
he'll give him control of all his online accounts. He offers to
give Jason a new HD camera so he can film his own videos when
Andrew isn't around. Andrew warns Jason not to give his info out
to strangers. Jason ignores him, Chad takes control, and starts
changing video titles/keywords/various other things. Andrew is not
happy that Jason ignored his warnings and put the YouTube channel
in danger by freely giving out the password. The last straw is
when Jason gives Andrew's phone number to Chad and starts making
up stupid lies about Andrew, like him demanding to be paid for
filming a video (Andrew has never asked for compensation in return
for filming Jason). As a result, Andrew quits as Jason's producer.
-After "cameragate", Andrew announces plans to start up his own
YouTube show, tentatively titled "The Big Richard Show", after
being encouraged by fans on bodybuilding.com's Misc forum to not
stop filming after breaking up with Jason. He decides on the title
"Delray Misfits" and episode 1 debuts, focusing on members of
Delray Fitness other than Jason. (Delray
Misfits episode 1)
-Jason's obsession with subscribers and increasingly erratic
behavior causes a huge backlash from his fans. Blackstone Labs
drops Jason's sponsorship after Jason, overwhelmed with hatred and
trolls for his actions toward Andrew, threatens suicide on
Facebook. (Jason Genova
dropped by Blackstone Labs)
-Jason continues to pester PJ by demanding money and texting him
20 times a day. Eventually, PJ and Aaron hand Jason $500 as
"severance pay" and cut all contact. Coathless and without a
producer, Jason has officially hit rock bottom and makes a series
of webcam videos bemoaning how mean the world is, how hard life
is, and how much pressure he is under.
-Jason and Andrew reconcile, although Andrew still does not take
the reins as his producer again, refusing to be drawn into Jason's
sociopathic and using ways. He continues to film Delray Misfits
episodes for his own channel, with Jason making guest appearances,
and also helps film Jason for his channel but doesn't edit and
upload the videos for him anymore. Delray Fitness comes under new
ownership and is renamed World Gym. The new owners briefly try to
ban filming in the gym, endangering The Ment, but Andrew
negotiates an understanding between them. Jason Genova megathreads
go into full swing on The Misc, explode with comments, fan made
lols, and Genova quotes. Andrew also becomes active in the threads
and answers questions about The Dark Lord. The Jason Genova saga
is on its way to becoming a global phenomenon.
Adam Era (November 2013 - May 2014)
-Jason spins his wheels for a brief period before Adam Harper, a
boot camp trainer who first met Jason at Publix, steps up to the
plate. Adam also knows PJ Braun and had helped Jason do some extra
cardio for his Blackstone Labs sponsorship. Forum users and
YouTube viewers initially loathe Adam and mock his CrossFit
methods, his shirtlessness, bald head, and cocky demeanour. (Jason's first video with Adam)
-Adam is spending more and more time with the Sith Lord, but Adam
gets visibly frustrated when there aren't any results. Adam is
training with Jason one on one every day now. This is the most
hands-on dedicated coathing that Jason has received in his life,
but he still makes torturously slow progress.
-Adam gets the idea to make a funny video where he surprise visits
Jason at his condo and raids his fridge and cupboards for junk
food. What ensues is a rather depressing video that gives
previously unknown insight into Jason's home life: His condo is
bought and paid for by his grandma, and he has no idea how to use
the dishwasher or washing machine. He has bags and bags of
supplements and pro hormones, which he got for free by showing up
to supplement stores and refusing to leave until he got some free
samples. He also has a sizable cache of unopened Blackstone Labs
supplements left over from the PJ Braun Era, which may confirm
PJ's suspicions that Jason never actually used the supplements
that he was given; Jason's mom forbids him from using them anymore
because they clash with his medication for his mental
disabilities, and he had to go to the hospital twice for high
blood pressure. At one point Jason asks his mom, "People think I'm
retarded, I'm not retarded, I'm ADD OCD and dyslexic, right mom?"
She looks at the floor, says, "Yes", then leaves the room. (The condo
raiding video)
-Adam arranges for Jason to work out with Ronnie Coleman and
Vitaly, a famous YouTube prankster. The owner of the gym is a
Miscer (the gym is literally called BBC -- Boynton Barbell Center)
and gets on the bad side of Witnesses when he initially forbids
Jason from attending because he hates him. The gym is also quite
shit, looks like a dentist's office with plain white walls, and
doesn't even have any goddamn mirrors (the owner's reasoning is
something along the lines of, "Hurr, this is a hardcore
powerlifting gym, only fags need to look at themselves in the
mirror, durr"). brb, drinking fountain right beside the shitter.
Adam threatens to not do the workout with Ronnie at all in the gym
if the owner doesn't let Jason come, so he eventually caves.
During the video, Jason offends Adam by trying to impress Ronnie
by telling him, "PJ Braun is my coach" right in front of Adam. (Ronnie
Coleman and Vitaly video)
-Adam, who used to be a cop, brings back his old detective skills
and goes into stalking mode because he doesn't understand why
Jason hasn't shown much progress. He finds out that Jason has been
getting coffee with cream and XXL Milky Way bars because he
hilariously keeps incriminating evidence on his person in the form
of stuffing his wallet full of receipts. Adam gets really mad and
chews out Jason on camera. J-Cream says he's sorry and won't do it
anymore. (Coath Adam
chews out Jason)
-Adam finds out Jason had some pizza slices. J-Crust denies it at
first but admits it later. Rather than feel remorseful about
cheating on his diet, he instead gets mad at his mom for ratting
him out. Adam makes Jason do more and more burpees every day and
stalks him at work to see what he brought for lunch. He makes
Jason message him a picture of every meal. Jason gets out of doing
burpees for a while because he is complaining about his hip.
-Jason's hours as a bagboy at Publix are revealed: he works under
twenty hours a week. Adam talks to the manager in a bid to get
Jason more hours or maybe even a promotion to stockboy or cashier.
Jason claims to be good at math, and when Adam tests him on it, he
surprisingly knows basic arithmetic. Jason is possibly at his
leanest phase ever. His body fat is somewhere around 14-15% after
weeks of hard work.
-Adam leaves on a holiday to Fiji for a week. He returns and made
the unwise decision to trust Jason to pick him up from the
airport. Jason switches his phone off and pretends to have
forgotten. He then changes his story to having to work. Jason is
noticeably fatter. His body fat comes in at 16%. He maintains that
he has not cheated on his diet, even when confronted with the fact
that he has gotten fatter in only a week.
-Trolls tell Adam that Genova went to Burger King. When Adam
confronts Jason with these accusations, he has an epic temper
tantrum and denies everything. He manages to clear his name when
Adam takes him to the drive through window of Burger King and asks
the employee there if she recognizes this man. She says that Jason
used to be a regular there but she hasn't seen him in a long time.
The Iron Serial Killer gives Adam a stone cold stare and utters,
"I told you bro". (Temper
tantrum and subsequent questioning of a Burger King employee)
-Adam and Bri take Jason out for his birthday to dinner and
bowling. Adam hooks him up with some nice new clothes for the
occasion. Jason's life has clearly suffered without a father
figure in his life since his father's death, but Genova seems to be on the verge
of becoming a well-adjusted citizen with Adam's help.
Jason hoverhands Bri in every photograph. (Birthday outing)
-Pudding Head gets trolled by somebody pretending to be Craig
Titus, one of Jason's bodybuilding idols who is currently in
prison for murder. Jason announces that he's going to do a video
with Craig Titus, who will take him through a hardcore "prison
rape dungeon workout." (Video)
-Jason comes over to Adam's house late at night unannounced. Adam
says that Bri is in a bad mood because she entered a CrossFit
competition and didn't do very well. Bri starts PMSing/roid raging
at Adam. The Iron Serial Killer gives her an ice cold stare and
utters, "Calm down, Bri". (Surprise
late night intrusion from Lord Pissious)
-Genova trains with a fan: Misc user Mingrey. Afterwards, his
girlfriend asks Jason to show her his "lightsaber" (his dick) in a
parking lot. Jason complies, remarking, "It's pretty big for a
bodybuilder". Mingrey insists that he was only trying to
create some ments, but lots of backlash ensues from Witnesses who
say that he crossed the line. Jason doesn't seem to care about his
dignity and is only concerned with the video blowing up in views.
It's eventually deleted by YouTube censors. The next day, Genova
claims in a phone call with a Witness that he banged the guy's
girlfriend afterwards. (Video)
(phone call)
-Genova tests his bodyfat and it comes in at 15.7%, increasing by
about 1% from a week earlier. He threatens to starve himself like
a teenage girl. Adam states that he is fed up and demands Jason
come to boot camp every day. Adam puts him back on burpees and
running, reasoning that if he can't force Jason to eat healthy,
then he will damn well run off all the carbs he is consuming.
Jason's barely moving body fat levels indicate that it's a lot of
carbs.
-Jason makes a video shopping with his mother. His mother
complains about being on a budget. Jason whines incessantly, "I
want the big one, mom. NAHHHT that one, the big one!" and
otherwise is his complaining needy self. His mom, obviously torn
between Jason wanting to keep up the pretense of eating healthy
and her assertion that she is a nutritionist, struggles with Jason
on what to buy. The result is hilarity as they argue over salads
(which she argues that Jason never eats), and sugary cereal (which
is obviously what Jason eats a lot of) is substituted for a
slightly less sugary version. Jason takes the video down after the
backlash, but it's quickly re-uploaded by someone else. (Shopping
with Mother)
-Adam gives Genova an ultimatum that unless he gets down to 13%,
he will not be allowed to work out with his hero Richard Gaspari,
who once won the Arnold Classic and is now a supplement company
kingpin. Jason has until the 22nd of March. He cuts out water,
starts taking diuretics, and using the sauna on a daily basis in a
last ditch effort to lose weight. The body fat test shows a result
of 13.8%, his best ever, and he receives the name J-Sith.
-Genova admits that he has been cheating on his diet with granola
bars. Granolaing. This causes more consternation and exasperation
on Adam's part, as Jason seems to be trying his hardest to
sabotage himself despite Adam putting in massive amounts of time
with him.
-Genova tests his body fat, and it puts him back at 14.5%. Jason
becomes J-Crust again. He will not admit that he has cheated on
his diet. Ironically, Jason's practice of dehydrating himself in
order to lose weight might be backfiring on him since it is
believed that dehydrating one's self will actually cause the
electronic body fat tester to read the body fat as higher than
usual. Adam stresses that if he is not 13%, then he will not be
participating in the Gaspari video. Genova has possibly developed
an eating disorder, starving himself and then gorging on junk.
-Jason's old producer Jonas re-emerges. Now that PJ Braun has cut
ties with Jason, he is no longer under any obligation to stay away
from Jonas. Jason and Jonas make a video together and say that
they are now friends again. They blame all the controversies with
My Story Part 7 and Jason's old channel being deleted on Joe Skee,
who has now been kicked out of the crew. The scapegoating of Joe
Skee sounds suspicious, but Adam reluctantly allows Jonas to hang
around with Jason but says that he'll be keeping his eye on him
(sickening father figure Adam who's like 2 years older than
Jason). Genova has been in the studio with Jonas recording The
Spaniard Shuffle, a poverty techno beat that Jason and Jonas
are adamant will make them millions. (Jason and
Jonas reunite)
-Genova's Witnesses discover on the Misc thread that Jason
receives a monthly shot of a powerful anti-psychosis drug called
haloperidol. There have been studies linking the medication to
permanent brain damage, which may explain why Jason seems to be
less lucid than he was years ago.
-The AntiMent Bri almost backs over Jason with her truck while
he's doing squats in an attempt to assassinate The Ment. Adam
states that Jason just got his shot, and he's extremely "out of
it" for a few days. This leads to the infamous incident where Adam
asks Jason to autograph a shaker cup being sent to a fan, and
Jason writes "Janoy Cresva" on it. (The birth of
Janoy Cresva)
-Janoy meets Richard Gaspari at the same BBC gym where they met
Former Ronnie. Jason brings his mother along. She displays erratic
behaviour, intimating it would not be a bad thing if Jason hanged
himself so she wouldn't have to pay his phone bill. She asks Adam
to see how hard her muscles are. She appears to hit on Richard
Gaspari, later calling him a "nice looking little Italian boy".
She is also wearing bizarre attire and, in short, comes across as
a female alcoholic version of Jason. Jason gets shown how to do
exercises for shoulders and delts correctly -- promptly reverts to
usual form. (Richard
Gaspari workout video)
-The BBC gym owner's younger brother, Brendan, is like an even
more douchey version of Bostin Loyd (if that's even possible): he
has the same gay sounding lisp, dim-wittedness, and douche face. He
freaks out over a small drop of pre-workout drink that Jason
spilled on the floor and makes him clean it up. So much for
it being a hardcore powerlifting gym. This draws the ire of
Witnesses. It's also discovered that Brendan lied about being
co-owner of the gym -- in reality, his brother just lets him hang
around there to keep his idiot little brother out of trouble.
Brendan gets relentlessly trolled by Witnesses and eventually has
to make an apology video with Jason where Brendan gets down on all
fours and cleans up some water himself. (Brendan's
apology)
-Genova manages to release a video with crumbs on his mouth and
cream smeared on his face. You can't make this up. He insists that
it was a protein shake. His story and the evidence are at odds. He
maintains that it was a protein shake even in the face of
relentless interrogation by Adam. Twitches, hands clawening, high
voice, and wild eyes prove that Jason is lying. Jason is back to
J-Cream. (The infamous
cream-on-mouth video)
-Andrew takes Genova to the gun range, where he shoots a picture
of the hated body fat tester and a picture of Gideon. At one
point, Genova carelessly points a loaded gun at Andrew, almost
killing him. (Jason and
Andrew head to the shooting range)
-Adam helps Genova open his first bank account at age 29. All his
money went to his mother, who presumably withheld it and spent it
on booze judging by her actions. She eventually finds out about
Jason's bank account and confiscates all his money.
-Genova weighs in at a lean 181 pounds and visible abs start to
show for the first time in his life. Adam leaves for another
vacation -- a cruise. During the whole Adam Era, Jason tends to be
depressed and lethargic from all the dieting, but while Adam is
away, he is unusually jolly and energetic, suggesting that he is
pigging out to his heart's content.
-Genova picks up Adam and Bri from the airport. During the drive
home, Genova claims to have sold the rights to one of his videos
to Nickelodeon (????????). Jason's body fat is up again and it's
obvious that he hasn't trained at all while Adam was away, and
rather than admit that he cheated on his diet, Jason claims that
it was from "shooting testosterone". How taking steroids would
result in fat gain is beyond me. Miraculously, Adam buys the
story, and he forces Jason to go on camera and admit that he took
steroids. This possibly makes Jason Genova the world's first
reverse fake natty, who pretends to be on steroids but actually
isn't. (Jason's
dubious steroid confession)
-A big shitstorm arises at the Jason Genova megathread on The
Misc: a moderator named pUniCepts gets mad about all the Genova
threads, doesn't understand the Jason Genova saga, locks the
threads, and calls out Genova's Witnesses for "making fun of a
retard". his attempt to white knight Genova hilariously backfires
when The Spaniard himself makes a video calling the "narrator"
"Poonycheeps" a faggot. In a rage, Poonycheeps bans all Genova
talk on the board. This decision is soon reversed by higher-ups
after a significant backlash, and the threads are re-opened.
Poonycheeps is extremely butthurt and plots his revenge. (Dark Lord Spaniard goes in dry on Poonycheeps)
-Andrew and Genova head to the mall in an attempt to recreate some
of the magic from a legendary mall video that they had done years
prior, this time with a toy lightsaber in Jason's belt. The
video fails to live up to expectations, but after a lady tries to
get Jason to sign up to a college, Jason reveals that he never
graduated high school and failed to get his General Equivalency
Diploma when he tried. Strangely enough, though, a picture of Jason graduating high school is
later discovered on his Instagram, so he apparently lied about not
having his diploma in order to have an excuse not to attend
college. We can now add "high school dropout" to his list of lies,
in addition to "steroid injector" and "gay porn star". (Jason Genova
heads to the mall again)
-Genova skips morning boot camp. He claims laryngitis. 6 hours
later he is over it. You really can't make this stuff up. Adam is
getting frustrated because Genova is making no progress. He weighs
in at 187 pounds. He got fat again.
-Genova starts boxing lessons with JT. He quickly dumps Apollo
Cream after he starts begging for money and posting emotional
Facebook statuses. He also seems rather disturbed by Jason
claiming he did "Pay for gay" in the past. JT says, "I can't be
having that". (Apollo Cream gets boxing training from JT)
-Ian McCarthy, who is no longer under Genova's wrath, visits
Delray Beach and trains with Jason. He and his girlfriend stay in
Genova's condo for a few days and make a few sickening videos.
Jason admits to taking pre-workouts before and after workouts, at
night, basically drinking them all the time, and even eating the
powder straight. This helps explain why Jason can be regularly
seen posting Star Wars videos on his Facebook until 4:30 AM and
then shows up to the gym at 5:30 AM for a video. We don't care
about sleep, we're freaks! (Ian McCarthy
catches Jason eating pre-workout powder)
-Adam quits, citing his wife's displeasure with him spending all
his time with Jason, a new business venture he needs to work on,
and Jason's woeful motivation levels (Jason protests and insists
that he's "pushing himself to the ultimate limit of physics").
This marks the official end of the Adam Era. He has so far been
the most successful out of all of Jason's coaths, getting the Sith
Lord down to about 180 pounds and 13/14% body fat in his prime. (Adam's last
video) |(Gif
of Jason in his best ever shape)
Hindenburg Era (May 2014 - October 2014)
The Hindenburg devouring
chocolate covered strawberries, stem and all, during the
infamous Golden Corral buffet video
-Ian McCarthy is now Genova's new coath. Sickened by his visit and
basking in The Ment, Ian actually wants to coath Genova and
believes he can succeed where no one else has and get Genova in
shape. "Ian MacThey" says that he will live with Jason for 3
months during the summer.
-JG is getting fatter by the day without Adam breathing down his
neck. According to Jason's Instagram and Facebook, he claims to be
back on steroids or "skillets", but whether The Iron Reverse Fake
Natty is telling the truth or not is anyone's guess. "I've gained
ten pounds of solid muscle in a week bro".
-Misc narrator Poonycheeps locks the Genova thread in a surprise
revenge attack and starts his own thread about JG. When people
refuse to post in his thread, he deletes seven 250+ post threads
worth of Genova content and bans the creation of any more. He
tries to bait Genova's Witnesses into flaming him so he has an
excuse to ban them, then lies about receiving harassing e-mails
and phone calls from Witnesses, saying that he conveniently
deleted all the evidence because he was so traumatized. Witnesses
are forced to temporarily flee to FitMisc, which is notorious for
being a cesspool made up entirely of people who have been banned
from The Misc (which is already bad enough). Poonycheeps is
eventually defeated yet again, and the thread is opened back up.
-Ian reneges on his plan to live with and train The Iron Serial
Killer, presumably after seeing the deterioration of Janoy without
the guiding hand of Adam to keep him somewhat in shape, and
reasoning (rightly) that Janoy truly is a lost cause.
-Jason announces that he's taking a break from YouTube for a week
because he's under a lot of stress. Who can blame him with those
grueling 20 hour work weeks. No one believes that The Iron
Attention Whore can do it. One day later, he makes a video letting
everyone know that his break from making videos is going really
well. Seriously can't even make this shit up. It quickly becomes
apparent to fans that when Jason said he's taking a week long
break from videos, what he actually meant was that he's taking a
week long break from lifting. (Jason
updates his fans on his "break")
-Jason, after soliciting up to $200 online from shoutout donations
to "fund his bodybuilding career", spends $158.99 on a necklace
for some bipolar whore from New York named Erica. Mike Bisceglia
a.k.a. TheRage191 hears about this and succeeds in getting said
necklace from said whore, but not before Jason makes a video
calling TheRage191 a hater and declaring his undying love for
Erica. Jason avoids all mentions of this when quizzed on camera by
Andrew, fidgeting and avoiding eye contact. (TheRage191
steals Jason's girl)
-Jason is confirmed not to be training. He has had approximately
four workout sessions in a month and a half since Adam dropped
him. The muscle loss and fat gain is evident, although Jason
maintains all the fat is muscle. Jason refuses to train unless
someone is filming him and looks like complete shit. He balloons
back up to 21% body fat, his content deteriorates to unwatchable
levels, and the future looks bleak for a coathless Janoy in zombie
mode. Jason actually runs away from the camera for the first time
in his life after the 21% body fat diagnosis.
-Jason's old producer Jonas gets a lot of accusations that he
wants to use Jason's fame to take all the profits from the track The
Spaniard Shuffle. To prove that he's not exploiting Jason,
he sets up a fake record deal/contract signing where he has Jason
sign a number of documents in the presence of a "lawyer" named
Scott Miller who is unshaven, clearly high, and is struggling to
read a script written on an off-camera cue card. It looks
suspiciously like Jonas just found a homeless guy and dressed him
up in a suit. The whole farce is unintentionally hilarious and is
the first watchable thing that Jason has put out since being
dropped by Adam. (The infamous
contract signing video with Attorney Scott Miller)
-Jason affirms to Andrew that he is learning to be an air
conditioning technician, going to wrestling school, going to
compete in a "powerlifting show", getting a supplement deal with
Liquid Gold Nutrition (pissening), and flying to Ohio to sign the
contract. How much, if any, of this is ever going to happen is
questionable.
-Jason's stepsiblings begin to emerge in the YouTube comments
section of Jason's videos and later join the Jason Genova thread
on The Misc. They reveal some interesting info: Jason's biological
father, Gary P. Genova, is still alive and living in California,
and the stepsiblings contend that Jason's mother is an insane
alcoholic (not really a surprise to anyone who has followed the
saga) who neglects Jason. Jason's family is revealed to be very
wealthy, and Rosov is his mother's maiden name. His mom is living
off a trust fund, thus making Jason's menial bagboy job at Publix
even more pointless. Pictures of Jason's uncle surface -- family
resemblance is uncanny. He was a professional chef in Beverly
Hills, which in light of the family wealth coming from restaurants
vs Jason's patent inability to create a basic meal is hilarious.
Jason is not a Frantzen other than his mother marrying a Frantzen
and then remarrying and divorcing another man subsequently. The
stepsiblings resent them using the Frantzen name since the
Rosov/Genova clan are obviously all potato.
-An obscure cooking video is discovered on YouTube made by Jason's
uncle, a professional chef. Witnesses promptly swamp the comments
section and ask him if he'll do some microwave ground beef and
scambald eggs next. (Cooking with Uncle Janoy)
-Jonas begins hyping up a new installment in the My Story
franchise, part 8. After pushed back release dates and nearly a
month of promotion from Dark Lord Pissious and the Rat Prick
Jonas, it's finally released to universal derision. It's like a
half-assed copy of My Story Part 7 and mostly features The
Pillsbury Doughboy waddling around the streets of Delray Beach and
posing awkwardly as the Rat King asks random strangers if they
know who Janoy Cresva is. The only slightly redeeming feature is
the brief Attorney Scott Miller cameos and a phone call where
Jason finds out that his mom stole all the money in his bank
account. (My Story
Part 8)
-Adam Pollard appears on the scene. Jason has the sense to only
bring it up off-camera as Pollard slowly gains his trust and
convinces Jason that his yet to be launched supplement company,
"Pollard Nutrition", wants him as a figurehead for products such
as "Liquid Gold". Pollard releases numerous videos talking about
his supplement company. Witnesses are not sure what to make of it;
99% of their brains acknowledge that it's probably a troll, yet
Pollard's masterful delivery creates that 1% of doubt and
intrigue. After numerous contract wangles, where Jason hasn't yet
signed Pollard's contract, cracks begin to show and Jason (with
help from someone) becomes aware that all is not as it seems with
Pollard Nutrition. Pollard releases desperate videos asking why
Jason hasn't signed yet as his troll job falls apart.
-Pollard essentially admits that it was all a troll job with a
ridiculous video culminating in a CGI bullet smashing the lens. No
word from Jason on what he thought of the whole Pollard Nutrition
farce. (Pollard Nutrition bullet video)
-The Monkey Prick meme comes to fruition after Facebook poster
Alex Johnson leaves a picture comment of what looks like a half
man/half monkey with a striking similarity to Jason on all of
Jason's Facebook statuses and unwatchable poverty Star Wars
videos. Alex captions the photo comment with, "Monkey Prick" and
it just starts to spread like wildfire. Jason is asked by Andrew
on camera what he thinks about the nickname "Monkey Prick" and
Jason is clearly aggravated by it, which eggs on even more people
to call him Monkey Prick.
-Joe Skee, who supposedly was just released from Rikers Island
prison for selling meth to young children, rejoins the Jonas crew
and interviews Jason and some creature named Deeana who can only
be described as "the offspring of two fat people". Joe Skee
continues to question whether Jason has shown the foul beast his
lightsaber and whether or not he wants to engage in intercourse,
to which Jason successfully avoids giving a true answer. (Deeana
The Hutt)
-Deeana is staying with Genova. He acts coy, but it is plain to
see that Jason has hooked up with a female version of himself with
no more brain cells but a lot more cunning. As a degenerate
moocher herself, Jason's mother recognizes Deeana for what she is
and kicks her out, banning her from staying at Jason's condo.
Jason continues to sneak her in at night. We never learn if he got
a bang, bro, or if the two of them just pigged out while watching
Star Wars a million times in a row. She eventually disappears.
-Jason comes dangerously close to going full retard, releasing a
bizarre video where he shows up to the gym wearing a woman's tank
top and his shorts hiked up to his stomach. He giggles incessantly
about his body odour and constantly spouts nonsensical lines like,
"Sticky bandits, like Elmer's glue, huehuehuehue!" Andrew remarks,
"Oh my God, what's wrong with you today? You're like drooling and
shit!" The haloperidol may have finally taken its toll on Janoy
Cresva's brain. (Janoy's
manic workout video)
-Jason announces that he is now on a mission to bulk to 260
pounds. Heart attackening. The Hindenburg Era is officially about
to go into full swing.
-Balloon Prick goes to the "boofay" at Golden Corral with Andrew
and attempts to put the place out of business. He proceeds to call
himself a garbage disposal unit after eating all of the slop.
Andrew calls him the human dishwasher. The Piss Lord marks his
territory on the pizza by coughing on it. Truly sickening. He eats
five or six helpings of slop (as he calls it continuously in front
of everyone -- chefs, waitresses, fellow diners) in his quest to
rival The Hindenburg as the biggest balloon. He eats chocolate
covered strawberries, stem and all, while doing a bizarre wheezing
laugh that sounds like a literal pig. All of Coath Adam's hard
work has officially swirled down the toilet. The Hindenburg
consumes approximately 300,000,000,000,000 calories total for his
dirty bulk. He also lets random patrons at the boofay know that
he's a YouTube bodybuilder celebrity with 90 million views. (The
legendary Golden Corral buffet video)
-Balloon Prick's body weight soars to 230 pounds. Leanest he's
ever been, bro. The Hindenburg tells us that he will dirty bulk
until January. He predicts that his weight by then will be 300
pounds ripped (he uses the weights of IFBB pro Mr. Olympia
bodybuilders as a reference). Janoy Giovanni will then "cut"
before his upcoming show. Estimated year of bodybuilding show:
3523.
-Someone enters Genova into an online "Physique Of The Week"
contest, and despite having the worst physique by far, he wins the
contest by a thousand votes, much to the annoyance of the people
who actually dieted and worked hard on their physiques. Screenshot
of the voting results here. Jason shows up to the gym in a
joyous mood, delighted to be on the receiving end of "politics"
for once after being screwed over in all of his previous
bodybuilding shows, just like Mike Mentzer in 1980 Mr. Olympia. He
claims that Physique Of The Week is giving him a supplement
sponsorship, a weekly cash amount, $100 of free supplements, and
an interview. He proceeds to brag about this and his upcoming
t-shirt/jumper line to a random woman on the cable machine.
-However, Physique Of The Week's owner Rick Hall decides not to
give the contest win to Jason and instead gives it to second
place, despite the clear rules that wins are decided by votes
alone, sparking a massive outcry from Jason's sizeable fanbase.
The Sith Lord issues Order 66 against POTW and Rick Hall. POTW
quickly disables the ability to make comments on their Facebook
page and deletes any post mentioning the Piss Lord's win.
Pisstroopers begin to message the site's sponsors with their
opinions on this outrage. Rick Hall begins a massive cover up.
-Facebook deletes Physique Of The Week's page after pisstroopers
report it for being a scam. POTW locks their twitter. Not only do
Optimum Nutrition and Monster Supplements confirm that their
sponsorship is dropped, but we find out that they had actually
stopped sponsoring the contest long ago, so it's illegal for their
logos to still be used on the POTW site and for them to be making
representations that they're still sponsored by Optimum/Monster.
It's also discovered that Rick Hall is a scumbag whose videos are
full of fake likes/comments that he bought, and he's also a roided
up fake natty who used to private message people on message boards
offering to sell them roids. Rick Hall pisses himself and, in a
last ditch effort to save face, he puts out a press release
claiming that the Shitlord bought Facebook votes to win the
contest. This claim is totally laughable (especially in light of
Jason's notorious Jewishness) and Rick Hall continues to be
relentlessly trolled. A gallery of screengrabs
related to the scandal.
-Jason releases a video claiming that Rick Hall contacted him
personally and apologized, offering him the interview and prize.
It is legitimately the most heartfelt video that Jason has ever
put out, acknowledging Witnesses as his "pals" and "buddies" and
being delighted that all of his "hard work" has finally been
recognized. The interview never ends up happening, but Physique Of
The Week's contest and website are nevertheless completely
destroyed and defunct afterwards. (The Sith
Lord celebrates victory)
-Poonycheeps sees the shitstorm resulting from the Physique Of The
Week scandal as an opportunity to accuse Genova's Witnesses of
organizing a raid, which is against the rules of The Misc, despite
the fact that they were righting a legitimate injustice. The last
straw may have been a prominent Witness named Alfha a.k.a. HeridaV
printing out a picture of Jason's stepsister, Shelley Frantzen,
and jizzing all over it. Genova's Witnesses are permanently banned
from The Misc and exiled to FitMisc for good.
-We learn from Andrew on the newest Delray Misfits episode that
the Hindenburg sent a picture to notorious catfisher Robert
Lucarelli showing that Jason likes his smelly angus peppered by
going knuckle deep. This spawns his latest nickname KD or Knuckle
Deep, and a new Genovaverse term, "Knuckle deepening". (Andrew
demands an explanation for the knuckle deep photo)
-Jason brings the Hindenburg Era to a premature end, his dirty
bulk sputtering out as he is unable to break the 230 pound plateau
because after that point he actually has to work to gain weight.
The entertainment value of his videos has plummeted to dire
levels. Witnesses worry that The Ment may finally be dead, but
they won't believe what comes next ...
I'm Not Hindenburg Anymore Bro Era (October 2014 - September
2015)
-Jason resolves to end the Hindenburg phase.
After a chance encounter in the gym, he gets a new coath,
Debbie D'Andrea (go to debradandrea.com if you dare): a
dominatrix/bodybuilder/powerlifter/porn star who is built like
The Rock and sounds like she smokes 40 a day. She is Big
Richard in female form. She teaches Jason correct form,
actually following a proper routine, and doing abs. Jason is
actually willing to listen to her because she's comically
bigger than him and outlifts him. (The arrival of
Coath Debbie)
-While doing a workout video with new coath
Debbie, Jason unleashes the dungeon slayer in him on his mom,
who got a job at World Gym as a personal trainer somehow. She
confronts her almost 30-year-old son about him rudely leaving
Debbie out to dry for five minutes while he went to fetch his
camera, at which point the Sith Lord grabs his mom and yells,
"STOP IT, STOP IT!" Parental abusening, scambaldening, STOP IT
STOP ITening. His mom merely looks her lizard eyes at the
camera as if his behaviour is completely expected. Norma
Batesening. (The STOP IT,
STOP IT incident)
-Jason reunites with former coath Adam for one video, and he is
less than amused at Jason's rapid Hindenburgening weight gain and
how all of his hard work went down the shitter. Adam inspects his
wallet for old times' sake and finds it full of receipts from
various boofays that Jason has engorged in. (The Jason
and Adam reunion)
-Jason gets some good workouts in with Coath Debbie. He's scared
to disobey her, and he greatly respects her opinions on
bodybuilding. They both agree that Arnold's physique was
"feminine" compared to Dorian Yates. Jason repays Debbie for her
time and services by urging his fans to visit her porn site at the
end of videos. Things are looking very promising for this mutually
beneficial arrangement, but unfortunately, the Coath Debbie era
abruptly ends. Deb was tired of all the unwanted attention and
trolling, and she asks Andrew to delete all of the videos that she
was in. Coath Killer Genova strikes again. Everything he touches
turns to piss.
-Tim Terwilliger, an amateur bodybuilder and longtime Genova's
Witness, moves to Florida to take up a job with Blackstone Labs
and agrees to train Jason on the side. Jason, despite coming from
a loaded family, paying no bills, and basically having an
allowance from his mother as pocket money to do with as he wishes,
is "broke" constantly and has the shamelessness and Jewishness to
ask Tim for gas money on countless occasions. This despite Tim
being newly married and legit broke. (Jason begs
for gas money)
-Tim fills in for Coath Deb and trains Jason to the best of his
ability, but without Adam's level of commitment, it soon fizzles
out and surprise surprise Tim's job falls through and he ends up
living in his car before moving back in with his parents in
Connecticut with his wife, leaving Jason alone. The Coath Tim era
is over almost before it began. He still contacts Jason and coaths
him over the phone. He sends him a bunch of supplements, but with
Jason being a reprehensible liar with no work ethic, this is
merely a nicety on Tim's part, and he is soon dumped. Once again,
Jason has killed another coath, and his coath's life has turned to
piss.
-Jason's appearances and video output decline. His diet is
obviously non existent, yet because in his head he has "stopped
bulking" (though he probably only eats slightly less of his usual
fill of shite), he maintains that he is "getting lean bro" in
every camera appearance despite his physique barely changing and
him being fat as fuck. Jason uploads rarely and has all but
forgotten what "Coath Dib" and Coath Tim had shown him. Work ethic
is back to zero, shit workouts, hammer curls + bicep curls,
endless chest days with 3 sets of 5 reps bench press before
leaving the gym and "intermittent cardio" where he jogs gently for
five minutes and then sits down and repeats for an hour. Beats per
minute not even once.
-As a result of the shit-tier quality of ments Jason is providing,
the trolling steps up to a whole new level from members of the
notorious Monkey Prick Facebook group, who are known as "Monkey
Prickers". They specialize in trolling/harassing Jason and other
Genovaverse characters (they were the prime suspects in causing
Coath Debbie to quit). Jason is enticed to cook a romantic dinner
for an imaginary girl: tilapia with sickening paper towel napkins.
They also bait him into driving for an hour to pick up an
imaginary girl, which Jason falls for multiple times.
-Pudding Head gives a shoutout to "Anal KD Supplements" and
actually makes a few videos shouting out "Anal KD Supplements" or
"KD anal gel". Here's the transcript from one video: "Kris,
uh, Samsamson or Simpson from uh, Newz-- Australia New Zealand's
getting a shoutout and it's Ane, KD Anal gel, the best gel on
the market. K, k, uh, KD Anal gel is the best uh supplement on
the market. Wiz, is k-anal anal gel dot com. K k k KD uh rectal
abdominal anal gel dot com. A sickening shoutout. K-Anal." (The knuckle
deepening endorsement)
-Jason's online coath Ian McCarthy arrives in Delray Beach to
provide some much needed ments. His visit was much hyped, as plans
were underway for a visit to the zoo to have Jason interact with
his biological parents. The visit turns out to be a
disappointment, but we do get a fascinating video where they go
out to a restaurant with Jason and it's discovered that he has an
extraordinary memory: he is able to recall the date and even the
exact time when the Titanic hit an iceberg, the exact time it
sank, among other historical facts that Ian quizzes him on. Rain
Mannening. (Ian and
Jason's meal conversation)
-Jason laughs for several minutes at the death of famous fitness
guru Greg Plitt (well he DID try to outrun a train) and manages to
get some of the other Delray Misfits to engage in his scumbaggish
behavior, most notably Battletoad/giant rat hybrid Fat Fucking
Lenny, who goes off on a rant about visiting gay bars, scat, etc.
This joking/mocking of Greg Plitt's bizarre and, honestly, potato
mode of death creates a lot of controversy and hate from Greg
Plitt fans, which could be deemed overly sensitive or hypocritical
considering this is standard Genova behaviour when confronted with
death, real life, anything outside of his fantasy world. Andrew
later issues an apology on behalf of the Iron Icicle (feel cold
member me fans) on his YouTube page for his remarks about Greg
Plitt, though we have yet to hear an actual apology from Jason
himself. (The Delray Misfits
react to Greg Plitt getting hit by a train)
-New questions about Jason's sexual preferences arise with the
dawning of 2015. Does our Sith Lord enjoy the dark side of the
force a little too much? Does his constant threat of, "All shove a
red lightsaber up your candy ass", have a Freudian subtext? With
the banning of Genova talk on bodybuilding.com's Misc forum, and
the subsequent scattering of Genova's Witnesses across various
message boards spreading the gospel of Genova far and wide, the
Muscular Development forum's resident ex-Genovaverse character Ron
Harris has been dragged right back into the middle of the Genova
saga: A FitMiscer claims he remembers reading on MD about Jason
licking peanut butter off of Ron's chest when they did their
collaboration back in the My Story Era. When questioned, the
happily married, devoutly Christian father of two Ron Harris
immediately denies these accusations for obvious reasons. Another
FitMiscer says, "I thought it was supposed to be a joke but when I
asked Jason on facebook he said it happened but he doesn't do it
anymore." We are left with so many questions: why did Ron do it?
Why is Ron so obsessed with Jason's penis? Is Jason "Mr. No Homo"
Genova a homo? We may never know the answers to these questions,
but we do know one thing for sure: It piss.
-To further add to the no homo/full homo debate surrounding Jason
Giovanni, Monkey Prick group members have at various points over
the past few months exchanged texts via Facebook with Jason of a
homosexual nature, with him asking for posing pictures, admitting
to liking men (it only fun huehuehue), and then telling the Monkey
Pricker not to tell anyone. Screenshots emerge of Jason asking for
pictures of other guys' dicks. He responds to one dick picture
with, "nices ! it big mabye it hurt bit...
but i sith lord can take !" In another conversation
he says, "gey it better, no stress, just fun." When
confronted with these statements, Mr. No Homo explains, "My
mind clouded like Anakin!" (Screenshots)
-Andrew promises Jason a surprise at the gym, and his idol/crush
PJ Braun walks in. It is the first time that he has acknowledged
Jason's existence since the break up over a year ago. They film a
reunion workout video together that once again has Jason gushing
about "PeeJay" and the Iron Parrot returns to repeat every second
word out of PJ's mouth. PJ says that he and Aaron Singerman have
traveled all across the world, and it doesn't matter which country
they're in -- Australia, Spain, Germany -- somebody always comes
up to them and asks, "Where's Jason?" Jason also makes a guest
appearance on Aaron Singerman's channel a few months later in a
video with one of their sponsored bodybuilders, Aaron Clark, who
is training to compete in the Arnold Classic. Jason proceeds to
give a homo-erotic commentary of Aaron Clark's posing routine,
uttering things like, "God, you look great" after he slips his
shirt off for the first time. (Aaron Clark
poses for Jason)
-Jason Likes the "Gay Bodybuilders" and "Gay Community" pages on
his Facebook. Jason has officially crossed over to the dark side,
huehuehuehuehue (Screenshot)
-Jason announces plans to compete in the Ruby Championships
bodybuilding show with Big Lenny. Fears that he will drop out like
usual are possibly abated by Big Lenny's promise that he will pick
up Jason and throw his ass on stage if he has to. If he ends up
going through with it, it will be the first bodybuilding show that
Jason has competed in since the Abz of Adoniss show three years
ago.
-Jason gets a new camera, signalling the end of the infamous Chad
Betrayal Cam. Unfortunately, the new camera does not have the
feature of self-editing videos, and since Jason is too lazy to
learn how to edit videos (even though Andrew offered to teach him
several times), all of his vids are now 20 minute long
single-shots with no cuts, we Children of Men
now.
-A creepy, skinny, bearded hipster shows up in Delray Beach and
says he's filming a Jason Genova documentary. He only gets two
days worth of footage and then disappears. The jury is out on this
documentary ever seeing the light of day. Jason is delusional and
thinks that the documentary will make a million dollars. "Dreams
come true, bro." (The supposed
documentary maker arrives)
-Lee Priest calls Jason "The godfather of retards" in a video,
re-igniting the Jason Genova/Lee Priest feud from the early My
Story Era. Jason pretends to be mad, but he's clearly relishing in
the attention and tries to milk the feud for all it's worth. He
mocks Lee for never winning a "Mr. Arnold Classic" competition.
The 5 foot 6.5 inch Jason Genova also enjoys being able to lord
his height over someone else for once, calling Lee a "manlet" and
a "dorf." (Lee Priest
insults Genova)
-The leftover Hindenburg fat proves difficult to shed, so Jason
invents the "Ethiopian Crackhead Diet" to lean down for his show,
which consists of only protein shakes, almonds, and Quest Bars. He eventually
gets a new "supplement coath" named Wesley who looks like a
total goober and could honestly pass for Jason's brother, but he
actually won a national teen bodybuilding show ten years ago.
Andrew and Brad agree to pay Jason $100 each if he actually gets
his body fat below 10% for the show. If he fails, he promises to
take them out to a fancy steakhouse that costs $100 for a steak.
We can be certain that Andrew and Brad don't need to worry about
Jason getting below 10% body fat, and it is equally certain that
Jason won't come through on his promise to take them out to the
steakhouse.
-The Iron Chef a.k.a. "Chef Crackhead" releases another video
showing off his cooking skills, so you know it's gonna be good.
After struggling to turn on the stove, he finally drops a frozen
fish straight from the freezer into the pan. After it's done, he
puts it on a dirty plate that had been sitting in the sink for God
knows how long after wiping it with a filthy sponge. He notices
that the sink is clogged with mold and attempts to unclog it by
reaching his hand into the drain and pulling out all the
disgusting muck. He then proceeds to eat his meal without even
bothering to wash his hand. Afterwards, to show everyone what a
sophisticated gentleman he is, he pours himself some Pinot Grigio
wine and drinks it out of a dirty ass blender cup with a bunch of
shit floating around in it. (Cooking with
Chef Crackhead)
-The 30-year-old Jason Genova announces that he has officially
fallen to the dark side and demands to be referred to as "Lord
Vader" from now on, not Jason Genova. One Witness says in the
comments section: "Gotcha. Monkey Prick it is."(Jason Genova
becomes Lord Vader)
-Darth Tater is recorded having a drink with a fan. The fan asks
Jason who his all time favourite coath was, and he answers PJ
Braun. He says that he didn't like Adam, the coath who got him
into better shape than he had ever been in his whole life. Well
that's unfortunate; this shocking display of ingratitude has
probably burned the bridge for a potential reunion with Coath
Adam. On the bright side, PJ must be flattered that Jason thinks
so highly of him. Maybe he'll think about working with Jason
agai-- "I don't like his wife though. His wife doesn't like
me. She's a cunt". Oh dear. (Jason opines
on former coaths)
-Miraculously, a couple weeks before the Ruby Championships,
Genova actually manages to diet down to 180 pounds by following a
salmon and green beans diet suggested by Big Jay Masters. Jason's
weight is now roughly the same as it was during his Adam Era peak,
but his physique does not look exactly the same. His abs aren't as
lean as they were back then, but he does look bigger. The bet that
Andrew, Brad, and Jason made regarding Jason's body fat ends up
being called off after the calipers test him at 8% body fat, which
is obviously inaccurate. The consensus is that his true body fat
is somewhere between 12% - 14%, but the only way to know for sure
would be to pay for an expensive underwater body fat test. It's
actually rather surprising that Jason accepts the inaccuracy of
the calipers without a fight, rather than throwing a tantrum about
rightfully winning the $200 for being below 10%. (Jason gets
his body fat tested)
-Marc Lobliner of Tiger Fitness gets pestered by Genova's
Witnesses, who tell him to collab with The Sith Lord. Lobliner
goes on a Poonycheeps-like rant rebuking all of Jason's fans for
"picking on a disabled man" and says that he has better things to
do than spend time collaborating with Jason. Lord Vader issues
Order 66 against "Marc Lowrider". All of his videos are promptly
swamped with troll comments by Witnesses, and the like to dislike
ratio of his videos plummets to 1:10. This couldn't come at a
worse time for Marc because the Mr. Olympia is going on, and he's
in the process of posting videos plugging his supplements.
Terrified of the power of the dark side, Marc surrenders and
apologizes to Jason and his fans, saying that he is willing to
collab with Jason in the future. He also sends him a package of
free supplements to appease him. Lord Vader calls for additional
Order 66s against other targets: Rich Piana (for not giving him a
5%er sponsorship) and Vince G. Rich Piano's channel proves
difficult for the Sith army to penetrate since it is already
completely infested with trolls, and invading it is like pissing
into an ocean of piss. (Marc
Lobliner admits defeat to Lord Vader and the pisstroopers)
-Hype for the impending Ruby Championships reaches a fever pitch.
Andrew says that many of the Misfits will be at the show, as well
as PJ Braun, Adam Harper, and more. Andrew says that he will film
as much of the show as he can and promises that it will be the
greatest bodybuilding related video of all time. In the days
leading into the contest, even Lord Vader's crappy late night
webcam videos where he poses and redundantly repeats himself for 3
minutes get a lot of likes and few dislikes; the Order 66
victories over various fitness industry figures have really
brought the Genova's Witnesses together. Genova's popularity
skyrockets as more and more people become curious about the buzz
surrounding the Ruby Championships and wonder who was responsible
for bringing these major YouTube channels to their knees. The Ment
may be entering a new golden age. Genova is receiving training
from a World Gym employee named "Coath Andrew" (not to be confused
with Andrew Fiedelman, the camera man). After the Ruby
Championships, everyone will know the Sith Lord's name.
-Lord Vader's show at the Ruby Championships goes down. The Iron
Penny Pincher didn't want to buy a proper spray tan, so he instead
got Nate to spray him with cooking oil that he got from Costco
(???????). Genova rushes through his entire posing routine in
about 15 seconds without holding his poses, so he awkwardly keeps
repeating them all while his Star Wars music finishes playing out
(double the poses = double the points!). He wins third place ...
out of three competitors. Hilariously enough, by simply getting a
top 3 finish, he receives a trophy and apparently has qualified
for Nationals, once again proving the legendary Jason Genova adage
that "sometimes nobody shows up and you automatically win". Jason
disrespects all of Coath Andrew's hard work in training him by
having the MC announce that he was trained by PJ Braun, who didn't
even come to the show. Jason is sad that neither PJ nor Adam came
to the show to support him. But not to worry: A large contingent
of Genova's Witnesses bought tickets to the show to cheer him on.
They are waiting for him in the lobby after the competition is
over, and they hoist him up and chant, "Jason! Jason! Jason!" (Jason Genova
at the Ruby Championships)
The Year of the Monkey Prick (September 2015 -
July 2016)
-In Jason's post contest interview, he declares himself to be more
powerful than The Pope and the next Zyzz. He says that he's doing
another show in November, but it's going to cost him a few hundred
dollars. He says, "Someone's gonna have to cough up that money".
We can assume that Jason Jewnova is referring to somebody other
than himself. Although the spotlight was shined on Jason during
the Ruby Championships, he wastes the opportunity by releasing a
bunch of pointless videos in the weeks afterwards. He executes a
series of Order 66s against large fitness channels for no reason
other than drawing more attention to himself: Lui Marco, Vegan
Gains, Elliot Hulse, Christian Guzman, Nick Wright, and Kali
Muscle, among others. Although the pisstroopers were happy to
carry out Order 66s in the past with vigour, they quickly grow
weary of them. Messing with Kali Muscle in particular proves to be
a mistake because he retaliates by putting a voodoo curse on
Jason. This proves to be effective: Dissent in the ranks abounds,
and Jason's videos go back to the way they were before the Ruby
Championships hype: more dislikes than likes. (Kali
Muscle's voodoo curse)
-Jason's run of awful videos continues for a good month. He makes
a series of redundant webcam videos where he repeatedly stresses
that "there's no money in bodybuilding". Jason gets yet another
new coath, a guy who runs a gym called, "The Wolves Den", and he
owns actual wolves as pets. Jason "preps" for his next show, which
involves getting fatter than he was at the Ruby, apparently, yet
he sees it as him getting freaky, like Craig Titus. Jason Genova
posing in his underwear in the middle of the weight room is such a
common sight in World Gym that people don't even bat an eye
anymore. Jason also makes a video congratulating himself for
reaching 20,000 subscribers. (I did good,
fans)
-Lord Vader reviews a movie that isn't even out yet: the new Star
Wars movie, The Force Awakens. He gives a spoiler warning AFTER he
drops a spoiler. He declares that this yet-to-be-released movie is
better than the prequel trilogy: Episodes I, II, and III, but
isn't as good as the original trilogy: Episodes IV, V, and VI. He
says that the original trilogy was the best, especially The Empire
Strikes Back, and that "Phantom of the Menace" and the rest of the
prequel trilogy was horribly done. Jason is obviously just
parroting the popular critical opinion of the Star Wars movies --
in reality, he NEVER talks about the original trilogy and is
totally obsessed with the prequel trilogy, constantly posting the
cringeworthy romance scenes from Attack of the Clones (I HATE
SAND!) on Facebook and YouTube due to his not autism OCD fixation
on Anakin Skywalker, because he feels like his own life is a
mirror image of Anakin's. He clearly isn't willing to come clean
with his true feelings: that the Star Wars prequels are the
greatest cinematic masterpieces ever produced, and that Anakin
Skywalker is the best written character of all time. (Jason's
premature review of The Force Awakens)
-Jason heads to the Dayana Cadeau Classic. He walks up to every
single supplement booth (including one manned by MMA fighter
Daniel Straus) and immediately begins telling them that he's a
/YouTuber with over 20,000 subscribers, his own t-shirt company,
his own supplement company, that he's about to collab with Chris
Jones, and that his coath is PJ Braun. "It's not a lie if you
believe it." --George Costanza. Before leaving each booth,
he grabs an entire handful of sample packets, giving birth to the
new nickname, "Sample Prick". (Jason Genova
heads to the Dayana Cadeau)
-International YouTube celery Jason "Janoy" Giovanni Cresnova
finally gets the recognition that he deserves: An
article in the Miami New Times magazine titled, "Misfits of
Muscle". Amusingly, his picture on the cover page is next to
the article titled, "Bulk up for winter". One particularly great
quote in the article from Andrew: "The whole story of Jason is
him trying to become a professional bodybuilder. He tries and
fails, tries and fails. Every time he gets close to succeeding,
he slips down and starts from square one. It's a story that has
no end."The
article later won a Sigma Delta Chi Award for journalism.
Next stop: Time
Magazine.
-Adam Harper re-emerges in an unexpected way: having frequently
done business with PJ Braun and Aaron Singerman in the past, he
bought another $19,000 worth of Blackstone Labs supplements for
his retail company, Get Fit Fast. His primary method of reselling
products was to aggressively undercut everybody else on Amazon and
make up for the thin profit margins through sheer volume, but
Amazon pulled Blackstone Labs products off their site due to their
questionably safe ingredients. Because of this, Adam claims in a
phone call with PJ that he can no longer find buyers and asks for
a refund for the $19,000 worth of supplements, but PJ refuses
because he's unhappy about Adam repeatedly violating an agreement
to not sell their products below a certain price. Adam responds by
claiming that he never received the supplements in the first
place, threatening to issue a chargeback with his credit card
company and take Blackstone Labs to court. PJ is confident that
he'll win any legal action because he has several pieces of
evidence to prove that Adam is lying. Jason received a lot of hate
for professing loyalty to PJ over Adam in a video a few months
ago, but was he right all along? Adam warns PJ in the phone call:
"I'm not small time". Rumour has it that Adam will be enlisting
the services of ace attorney Scott Miller. (The PJ Braun vs
Adam Harper controversy)
-PJ Braun is beginning to open up to Jason again, occasionally
filming him for scenes in his new YouTube reality show, Beauty
& Braun (no, the "Beauty" isn't Jason, it's PJ's wife).
He also invites Jason to a private screening of the new Star Wars
movie when it comes out. A number of bodybuilding industry
celebrities will be there too, like Jay Cutler. Despite all these
generous offers, Jason Jewnova attempts to sell PJ an autographed
copy of the New Times magazine that he appeared in for $20.
-After the Paris terrorist attacks on November 13 in which 130
people were killed, Lord Vader calls for an Order 66 on ISIS for
"Calling the French names, and saying they speak French and stuff
like that." No apology video from ISIS yet. (The Order 66
on ISIS)
-People are beginning to worry about Janoy Cresva's mental health:
He starts making videos where he begins talking about something
normal like going to the gym, then suddenly and without warning, a
spontaneous autism attack breaks out where he laughs like Woody
Woodpecker and randomly yells out things like, "NATCHA BOY RIC
FLAIR! WOOO! NATCHA BOY RIC FLAIR! WOOOO! WOOO!" and then reverts
back to talking about what he was before as if nothing happened. (One example
of many)
-Nate drives Jason to a Strength Camp event held by Elliot Hulse.
Nate tells Jason, "Don't worry, I'll pay for all your Strength
Camp stuff". Jason replies, "All right no problem". Pissening.
There's a huge lineup to meet and take a picture with female
physique champion Dana Linn Bailey. Jason gives zero fucks,
completely ignores the line, walks straight up to Dana, puts on a
pair of aviator sunglasses, takes some pics with her, gives her a
copy of the New Times magazine that he was featured in, then
leaves. With this, Jason Genova cements his status as the most
alpha YouTuber. (Jason Genova
meets Dana Linn Bailey)
-The Iron Extortionist has an impressive run of hustling money out
of people: He convinces PJ Braun and Aaron Singerman to cough up
$200 to fund his bodybuilding show in Hialeah, later convinces Lui
Marco to give him $200 out of pity, and $300 from Chris Jones
(also pity). Jason is absolutely convinced that Chris Jones is
going to become his new coath and that he's going to commute all
the way to Texas for coathing sessions. Chris Jones might not be
aware that he's going to become Jason's coath -- somebody ought to
let him know. (Jason extorts
money out of PJ and Aaron)
-Jason's NPC South Florida bodybuilding show at Hialeah goes down.
It had very little hype around it because everybody just assumed
that he was going to drop out like he usually does, so it comes as
a surprise when he actually competes. Jason uses his signature
technique of substituting spray tan with cooking oil. "Janoy
looks like a Syrian refugee."--FitMisc user
GenetalGiant. Although Nate was nice enough to drive Jason to the
show, Jason instead credits former IFBB pro Mike Quinn with
driving him in an attempt to gain cred. Jason finishes in last
place out of four competitors. Amusingly, after the third and
second place winners are announced, the two people left are Jason
and a guy who looks just like Brad. Brad's doppelganger
immediately begins celebrating before the first place winner is
even announced, rightfully assuming that it's not going to be
Jason. Jason is led off the stage in a visible state of shock and
confusion. (Jason's
humiliating loss at the NPC South Florida show)
-Controversy erupts when PJ Braun, in one of his Periscope videos,
calls Jason autistic and says that he's gentle with him because
"he's a little slow". Jason gets wind of the video and writes on
his Facebook, "My heart so hurt. My own bother fuck me over I
loved." Witnesses are worried that this will destroy the
relationship between the two and bring an end to future ments. Not
to worry: PJ gives Jason some free supplements and with that, all
is forgiven. PJ is clearly taking his Beauty & Braun
reality show very seriously and wants it to be successful.
Hilariously, when he posts episodes that don't feature Jason, they
are swamped with mass dislikes and troll comments from radical
Witnesses (e.g. "Disliked and reported for lack of Jason"),
essentially forcing PJ to include The Iron Extortionist in the
videos. (PJ calls
Jason autistic even though he is not autism)
-The Genovasphere is rocked by a scandalous phone call in which
Jason blames the Delray Misfits for his problems with getting
dislikes on all of his videos. He expresses a desire to leave them
behind and do his own thing. He then tells the caller not to tell
anybody. Jason also asks him to donate $1,000 and, in Jason's
infinite generosity, will send him some "free" t-shirts in return,
because he's a humble human bean. The phone call causes the
like/dislike ratio on all of his videos to plummet to
Marc-Lobliner-After-Being-Order 66'd levels. It's feared that The
Great Schism (The Great Pissm?) will be upon us where Genova's
Witnesses will split into two factions of Genova loyalists and
Delray Misfits defectors. It all turns out to be overblown when
the Delray Misfits basically ignore the phone call because they
understand by now that it's just Jason being Jason. (Phone
call)
-Before the Boca Nutrition grand opening held by PJ and Aaron,
Genova attempts to scam even more money out of them by making up a
bizarre lie that he needs the cash to pick up his long lost,
California state record holding, powerlifting half brother at the
airport. He also makes up an even more bizarre lie that his
girlfriend can't come to the Star Wars screening because she has a
urinary tract infection. Nate goes with him instead (Jason said
he'd bring his girlfriend, and he shows up with Transsexual Nate,
sickening). Jason was actually promoted as a celebrity guest star
on advertisements for the Boca Nutrition grand opening event, but
he is treated rather disrespectfully when he gets there, not
getting his own booth and is quickly pushed out of the way by the
Blackstone Labs entourage escorting Kai Greene when Jason attempts
to greet him. Pitifully, the Iron Traveling Salesman is reduced to
walking around the event with a big cardboard box full of "Enjoy
The Ment" t-shirts and trying to sell them to random people for 15
buck each. (Jason's
pitiful appearance at the Boca Nutrition grand opening)
-It turns out that Jason's imaginary girlfriend who got a urinary
tract infection might actually be real: A minor Instagram star
named Christina "oldschoolbikini" Romanova. She has a fairly
decent body, and as for her face, well ... It's not ugly, but it's
unique, let's just say that. She is employed by Marc Lobliner as a
writer for Tiger Fitness. She claims that she was in classes for
gifted children and says that she's going to be a neurosurgeon
soon, despite the fact that she writes at an elementary school
level (example
article). Perhaps she misunderstood the meaning of her
"Special Education" classes. Witnesses are suspicious that she's
just leading Jason on and using him for Instagram followers (her
popularity explodes after getting involved with Jason), but she
soon makes a video confirming that they are in an online
relationship together and crowns herself "The Piss Queen".
Jason sends her a Christmas present: Two boxes full of Blackstone
Labs supplements that he got for free from PJ and Aaron. (oldschoolbikini
announces that she's Jason's girlfriend)
-The equally delusional oldschoolbikini and Jason seem like a
match made in potato heaven. Unfortunately, the video she made
about being Jason's girlfriend is suddenly deleted as well as her
title of "The Piss Queen" on her Instagram description. It's
rumoured that her boss, Marc Lobliner, cockblocked Jason by
ordering her to delete references to Jason on her Instagram. A
renegade pisstrooper general named Misc Celltech Brah leads an
Order 66 on his own against "Marc Lobsterliner, my favourite
natural crustacean". Jason makes a video ordering the pisstroopers
to stop attacking Marc, presumably because oldschoolbikini told
him to because she's in danger of losing her job. The pisstrooper
army is getting more and more out of Jason's control. He makes a
video declaring that he is no longer Lord Vader because he has
found God and turned to the light side, it's sickening, it's
pissening, it Acts 26:18ening. "My soul is erected."
--Jason Genova. (Jason Genova
turns to the light side)
-Marc Pocketliner threatens to sue mentally disabled bagboy Jason
Genova in response to the attack from pisstroopers (who he claims
are harassing his family), even though Jason had nothing to do
with it and in fact tried to stop
it. "I don't give a care." --Tony Montana, Scarface
(1983). It's also discovered that oldschoolbikini already has a
boyfriend, and she's cut off communication with Jason; at first,
Jason deludes himself into believing that she's cheating on her
boyfriend for him because he's a jacked YouTube celery, but he
eventually accepts the truth that she was using him for followers
all along. Although Jason had recently converted to the light
side, he falls to the dark side once again (his soul was erected,
but sometimes it goes flaccid). Despite Jason's approval rating
being at an all time low in recent months, Witnesses cheer the
return of Lord Vader after Jewbliner and oldschoolpotato's scumbag
ways are exposed, and Jason enjoys full support from the
pisstroopers once again. Even Brad appears in a video expressing
support. (Pocketliner
explains his legal threat)
-Lord Vader issues a devastating Order 66 from a newly
unified pisstrooper army on oldschoolbikini and her master, Marc
Lobliner. Marc is quickly forced to disable comments and
Likes/Dislikes on his YouTube channel, and oldschoolbikini shuts
down her Instagram. All of her potato articles on Tiger Fitness,
which had been deservedly downvoted to 1 star, magically climb
back up to 4.5 stars with fake votes. This also casts suspicion on
the authenticity of Marc's supplements all receiving perfect 5
star ratings, and Witnesses begin contacting the Better Business
Bureau to investigate Tiger Fitness for fraud. Lobliner has
clearly built his company by using sneaky and underhanded methods,
like paying off
Jason Blaha (who had previously been an extremely vocal
critic of the supplement industry) to shill his products. Marc
promoted Bio Gro as the next big thing in the supplement industry
then later claimed that he never hyped up Bio Gro that much when
it turned out to be useless. His YouTube channel also has nearly
300,000 subscribers, but most of his videos struggle to crack
6,000 views, suggesting that he may have bought fake subscribers.
Some conspiracy theorists believe that oldschoolbikini was planted
by Marc Lowrider from the beginning to manipulate Jason as revenge
for the Order 66he
suffered a few months ago.
-The Adam Harper v. PJ Braun dispute takes an unexpected turn with
the credit card company favouring Adam, despite all of the
evidence to the contrary: They declare the text messages and phone
calls between PJ and Adam to be unreliable evidence of Adam
picking up the shipment of supplements. PJ's fatal flaw was not
writing up an official invoice for the supplement order. He claims
that he was casual about invoices with Adam because they were
friends, although it's possible that the real reason was to evade
paying tax. PJ threatens to file a criminal charge of grand theft
against Adam. With both parties wanting the ordeal to be over
with, they settle out of court with PJ providing Adam a partial
refund, even though Adam had already sold most of the products
that he essentially stole. This will probably spell the end of any
future relationship between Jason and Adam. If PJ forbade Jason
from hanging around with Jonas for making him look foolish in a
few videos, just imagine how mad he would be if Jason hung around
with a guy who basically stole $19,000 from PJ -- and when forced
to choose between Adam or "PeeJay", we all know whom Jason is
going to choose. In any case, this incident has proved beyond any
doubt the existence of The Ment as a divine entity, and how
people's destinies revolve around Jason Genova. It couldn't have
been some random guy who ripped off former coath PJ and created a
bunch of legal drama -- it just had to be former coath Adam. (PJ
explains the legal dispute with Adam)
-Jason announces that he is coming out with his own supplement
line and clothing company, "Sickening Supps". Witnesses initially
brush this off because he has been talking about doing this for
years now and nothing ever came of it. This time, however, Genova
seems serious and is more aggressive when talking about it,
probably taking inspiration from PJ Braun and his lavish CEO 10K a
day lifestyle of Ferarris, big houses, and hot fit chicks on his
dick all day. Witnesses begin to dream up all the possibilities:
"Not In The A.M. Bro" pre-workout, "Hindenburg
LXT" mass gainer ... Jason says that he wants to make
products that actually work, unlike every other supplement company
out there (he indirectly talks shit about Blackstone Labs with
this statement, pissening). The Iron Philanthropist also claims
that he will give back to the community and pay all of his
sponsored athletes a starting salary of $30,000 per year. Jason
announces that he has started sponsoring people, and this is
actually confirmed when Witnesses begin to find Instagram accounts
of people who declare that they are sponsored by Sickening Supps.
The quality of these "athletes" is indicative of the true budget
of the Iron Jew. Jason talks about wanting to hire Albert Einstein
to put illegal amphetamines into his pre-workout but still get
around the Food and Drug Administration. Jason will probably end
up putting Sickening Supps stickers over his sizable cache of
Blackstone Labs supplements and selling them.
-Jason claims that he has been contacted by Fox News and that they
want to interview him on Friday at 3:50 PM "before the politics
debate." This sounds believable at first, especially in light of
the fact that the New Times magazine genuinely did a story on him
recently, but upon closer inspection, the red flags of this being
a troll job become apparent: 350 is an auspicious number in
bodybuilding.com Misc culture because it's "tree fiddy", and Jason
stating that he's being interviewed before the politics might be
referencing the Genova meme of blaming "politics" for every loss
he suffers in a bodybuilding show. Even more suspiciously, Jason
gives a shoutout to Gideon, who might be referencing the infamous
$3.50 birthday gift, and he gives a shoutout to the well known
troll, Adam Pollard. The Delray Misfits express doubt about the
interview's authenticity despite Jason's insistence that IT'S
LEGIIIIIIIIIIIT! Jason later announces that his interview is being
moved to Saturday because the Fox News station suffered a serious
kitchen leak, and this ridiculous new development puts the whole
thing to bed and is never mentioned again. (Jason's Fox
interview delayed due to serious kitchen leak)
-The Sith Lord becomes fixated on the idea that Natalie Portman
Liked his Instagram video. This is important because Jason thinks
that he's Anakin Skywalker and is therefore obsessed with the idea
of marrying Princess Amidala from the Star Wars prequels, even
going so far as to base his fake dead fiancee Jennifer on her.
When Nate asks him how he's so sure that it's the real Natalie
Portman, he replies that there are 30 Natalie Portman accounts on
Instagram, but she must run one of them. Jason contacts the person
who runs the Natalie Portman account that Liked his video, and the
person straight up tells Jason that he's not actually Natalie
Portman. This just makes Jason believe that she's denying it
because she's in love with him but doesn't want the world to know.
This gives some insight into the inner workings of Pudding Head's
brain: rather than gather facts about a situation and make a
conclusion based on them, he instead creates a preconceived
conclusion about the situation, then fits the facts into this
conclusion. (NATALIE
PORTMAN, SHE'S IN LOVE WITH MEEEE)
-Jason finally finds the chemistry genius that he's been looking
for to get his supplement company off the ground: A freshman
college student named Austin. They announce the grand opening of
the Sickening Supps clothing store: It's the shittiest looking
website of all time (yes, even worse than Genovapedia), powered by
a poverty website template called Weebly. The t-shirt designs are
horrendous and unimaginative, not making use of the infinite
creative possibilities of the Genovaverse. One of the shirts just
has a generic picture of an eagle holding a barbell (which was
stolen from somewhere) with the text, "Sickening Supps" below it.
T-shirt prices fluctuate wildly throughout the day. Under shipping
information it says, "Should ship fast". Under return policy, "No
returns". Sounds reassuring. The website also advertises a special
sale of 0% off (I really wish that I could make this shit up). (Picture
of the Sickening Supps website)
-Jason and Austin are so goddamn incompetent that the Sickening
Supps operation doesn't even last one full day before blowing up
in their faces. Austin says that the website got hacked, which
actually means that one of the potatoes gave out the password or
it was simply guessed (it was probably something really obvious
like "sickening" or "Darth Vader"). What's more, a major scandal
looms because, unbelievably, people were actually stupid enough to
buy $700 worth of shirts, and they demand refunds after the
website disappears. It turns out that the shirts never even
existed. Jason and Austin planned to take all the money as
pre-orders and then make the shirts later. Jason denies that he
has the $700, claiming that he's "a poor pauper. Not a nickle, not
a dime" and throws his business partner under the bus, saying that
it's his problem. Jason later makes a video
admitting that he stole "A couple hundred bucks, it's not that
bad, I'm entitled to it, I'm a human bean". It's discovered that
he was lured into making this video by somebody offering him a
fake MuscleTech sponsorship if he confessed to stealing the money.
It looks like Jason's "Craig Titus prison rape workout video"
might actually become a reality ... however, Austin later comes
out and proves that he refunded everybody who ordered shirts, but
Jason tried to stop him because he wanted to pocket the money
instead ("It's an investment in the company, they'll understand
bro, they're freaks"). Austin states that after all the smoke
cleared, the $700 was totally refunded, and the only person who
lost money was himself because Jason owes him $60 for buying the
failed website. This means that Jason lied about stealing hundreds
of dollars in order to secure a MuscleTech sponsorship, which
isn't really surprising considering he once lied about shooting
steroids in order to get out of admitting that he cheated on his
diet. (Austin
eggsplains the situation)
-Jason successfully deflects attention off his attempt to steal
$700 by somehow doing something even worse shortly after: sending
a 17-year-old girl a video of himself jacking off. Despite the
blurry video quality and lack of any distinguishing human features
other than a hand and a cock, there can be no doubt as to who it
is: the telltale brass bedposts of Genova are visible along with
the rest of the 1950s decor of his grandma's former home, with
Jason's Star Wars poster just out of frame. Survivors who
witnessed this video report that it's not the visual that haunts
them but the audio, because Jason makes a strange sound as he
approaches climax that can only be described as goat-like, truly
living up to his nickname, "The Gunting Goat". Any hopes of the
video quickly being suppressed and forgotten about are dashed as
news of it spreads across the Internet. Several YouTube fitness
celeries evenchime
in with their own worthless opinions on the matter for views despite knowing nothing about the situation or the
law (hey everybody it's Jason Blaha here).
Jason apparently sent the video to a girl who decided to lead him
on to get attention in a Facebook group, but she ended up getting
more than she bargained for ... amusingly, prior to the incident,
Ron Harris was spotted on Facebook warning Jason about talking to
the girl because she looked young, to which Jason responded, "Stop
talk shit". Jason finally admits to being mentally
challenged in a response video, which is a milestone since he has
always denied it. However, it's entirely possible that The Iron
Scam Artist doesn't actually believe it and in his mind he's lying
to everyone about being mentally challenged in order to save his
own ass legally. Andrew and Brad make Jason promise that from now
on, any girl who wants to see his dick has to come over to his
house and suck it. (Video. No,
not the video of Jason whacking off if that's what you're
worried about)
-It's the end of an era: "The Mecca of Bodybuilding", World Gym,
formerly known as Delray Fitness, closes down. Word is that
management was behind on paying rent. The gym's instantly
recognizable ugly green glow was a mainstay in videos for years.
The deplorable conditions and incompetent management are actually
what enabled Jason Genova and Delray Misfits videos to be made in
the first place; no gym with sane management would have allowed
the frequent occurrences of loud swearing, Lenny blowing snot all
over the equipment, Big Jay Masters bleeding all over the
equipment, and the filming inside the change rooms. A notice is
posted on the locked door of World Gym that memberships will be
honoured at Palm Beach Gym.
-Jason finally suffers the consequences of posting copyright
infringing Star Wars videos on his Lord Vader channel when it gets
taken over by Disney, with 70% of the ad revenue being redirected
to them. At first, Jason is upset and accuses Mickey Mouse of
stealing 70% of his money. However, he eventually comes to see it
as a positive thing, reasoning that they were generous in allowing
him to keep 30% of the revenue. He quickly begins wearing Mickey
Mouse shirts and bragging to random people that he's sponsored by
Disney. (Jason's
channel confiscated by Mickey Mouse)
-Jason, Andrew, Brad, and Lenny issue a rare lifetime Order 66
against Jason Blaha. Genova's Witnesses from the Jason Genova
megathread at the FitMisc forum had spawned a spinoff thread
dedicated to hating on the fat "fitness expert" Blaha because of
his fraudulent credentials and cringeworthy alpha male tough guy
act. The thread was slow for a while, but the Blahautism campaign
rapidly intensifies and becomes even bigger than the Genova thread
as the pisstroopers discover that Jason Blaha is a massive scumbag
who committed disability fraud, lied about being a CIA-trained
combat veteran, and countless other things. He's forced to spend
12 hours a day deleting comments and banning people from his
YouTube channel so his fans don't learn the truth (not a big deal
for him since he doesn't have a job and has been living on the
dole for over a decade). (Order 66 Jason Bloho)
-Genova becomes obsessed with the idea of charging people $3,000 a
day to hang out with him. He believes it's a bargain because
Natalie Portman charges $17,000, which is where he got the idea
from. He says, "$17,000 an hour, that's RETARDED MONEY! WHO
WOULD PAY THAT?? I'll do it, I'll pay it!" Jason plots a way
to steal $17,000 from his mother. He's pessimistic about his
chances of having sex with Natalie Portman even after ponying up
all that cash: "She's got bodyguards all on her dick!"(Jason's new
money-making scheme)
-Predictably, the Delray Misfits are quickly kicked out of Palm
Beach Gym for the antics that they regularly enjoyed engaging in
at World Gym. They are now without a home; rumour has it that
Jason Genova trains at LA Fitness. Andrew and Brad journey there,
find The Spaniard, and join him. The rest of the Misfits are still
scattered across various gyms. Andrew is reluctant to film Jason
as often as he did before in fear of getting kicked out again, so
Brad, who doesn't give a shit, becomes a frequent camera man for
Jason. His acerbic commentary is a hit among Witnesses and brings
some flavour to Jason's usual boring workouts and locker room
posing sessions. Although Brad is known for mocking and bullying
Jason, an odd friendship begins to blossom between the two as Brad
begins to spend more time with Jason inside and outside of the
gym.
-Jason and Nate take a road trip to Miami to attend the grand
opening of the Iron Addicts gym. Jason finds out that his rival
and Order 66 victim Marc Lobliner is inside the gym. Marc once
claimed that if confronted by Genova, he would tell him to get out
of his face. Well, Genova decides to put that claim to the test.
Surprisingly, Pocketliner is cordial with him. The two shake hands
and make peace. With this, the pisstroopers appear to forgive
Pocketliner for his past transgressions and the Order 66 on him
expires, especially after he lends his services to help expose his
former friend Jason Blaha, who is currently the target of the most
thorough and destructive Order 66 in history as the Blaha Wars
continue to rage on (Blaha will live to regret the day he crossed
Jason Genova. See Blahapedia for
more information). Lord Vader even lets Lobliner call an Order 66
on Shredz because of the recent scandal of photoshopping their
athletes. (Genova meets
Lobliner)
-Next, Jason and Nate head to Orlando to attend the Europa fitness
expo where Rich Piana, another Order 66 victim, is in attendance.
Jason shakes hands with him and gives his usual spiel that he's
the famous YouTube celery Jason Genova. The Piano Man stops to
think for a moment and says that his name sounds familiar. He
realizes that Genova was the one responsible for Order 66ing him
many months ago. Eyewitnesses at the scene report that the 300
pound Piana had a crazed look in his eyes, as if he was on
cocaine. He tells Jason that he was pissed off about his social
media being overrun by pisstroopers and asks Jason to explain
himself. Jason replies, "Is jus a joke bro, a funny joke", which
is his go-to line that he has used to explain everything from
being caught lying to engaging in acts of homosexuality. It
doesn't work this time. Piana is not satisfied and says that he
wants to slap Jason to get back at him. Jason declines and
nervously suggests that they have a posedown instead. Piana isn't
having any of it and suggests that they have a slapboxing match
for five seconds. Jason reluctantly accepts ... what happens next
sends shockwaves throughout the bodybuilding world: Piana slaps
the shit out of Jason, hitting him with blows that are far harder
than what was expected out of a friendly, joking slapboxing match
as spectators look on in horror. After it's all over, Piana shakes
hands with Jason (who looks like he's holding back tears) and
makes him promise to never Order 66 him again. Andrew had once
prophetically warned Jason that some day he was going to Order 66
the wrong person and get the shit beat out of him. The slapboxing
incident has cast a dark cloud over the once amusing practice of
Order 66ing various targets of Lord Vader's choosing. (Rich Piana
slapboxes Jason Genova)
-The slapboxing video rapidly becomes the most popular Jason
Genova video of all time, with over a million views. The fitness
scene explodes with news of the incident, and even
some mainstream news outlets report on the mentally disabled
man getting beat up by a huge bodybuilder. The Piano Man is
finally forced to make a video addressing this public relations
disaster: He claims that he didn't know about Janoy's mental
problems and says that when he was Order 66ed some months back, he
and his wife received death threats from the pisstroopers all over
his social media. He came to the conclusion that they were all
fake accounts that Genova had made himself, which is kind of funny
when you think about it. It's possible that he believed that Jason
Genova alone was responsible for ALL of the troll comments that he
received on his YouTube videos and Instagram posts (Piano's
YouTube comments are literally 99% trolls making fun of him; it's
almost impossible to find a serious one). Piana expresses an
interest in doing a collaboration video with Genova to patch
things up. In wake of all this, Genova's channel gets 10,000 new
subscribers as people become curious about the bizarre tale of the
Sith Lord. Genova, whose number one priority in life is always
views and subscribers (with dignity far down the list), later
admits that getting the piss slapped out of him by Piano was the
best thing that ever happened to him. (Piana's
explanation for slapping the shit out of Jason)
-Genova guest stars on the International Iron radio show with his
on again, off again nemesis Lee Priest. Jason calls in and quickly
takes over the show, hyperactively giving listeners an extended
history lesson of his bodybuilding career, hardly letting anyone
else get in a word. Lee takes shots at Jason throughout the whole
show, all of which go right over his head. Some highlights:
Jason: I was totally natural in that show, 100%
natural.
Lee: We can tell.
Jason: I came out big, and hard.
Lee: And delusional.
Jason: When I'm getting ready for a
show, my mom can't be around me because we fight like cats and dogs,
I'm so moody, she can't handle it when I'm carb
depleted like that.
Lee: Probably wishing she had an abortion.
Jason: My coach really pushed me hard to get
ready for that show.
Lee: Should have pushed you down the stairs.
Jason: I bought my mom a nice diamond earring.
Lee: Just one?
Halfway through the interview, Jason's mother can also be heard
yelling at Jason for talking on the phone. (Interview)
-After the Sickening Supps disaster, Genova enlists the aid of
Andrew and Brad to sell a new line of t-shirts to assure fans that
those two will be in charge of the website this time instead of
the Scamlord. Genova also seeks some real professional help for
creating his own line of supplements and PJ Braun expresses a
desire to help him out in this regard. He wants to make a Jason
Genova themed pre-workout and donate some of the proceedings to an
autism charity (now why did he pick that charity I wonder?). He
also offers to have Genova officially diagnosed by a medical
professional to see what exactly is wrong with him. Can PJ Braun
solve one of the saga's greatest unsolved mysteries? (The
potential deal to make a Genova pre-workout)
-After months of Rich Piana being hounded by both Genova and the
pisstroopers to do his promised collaboration with the Piss Lord,
it finally goes down. The Piano Man gives Genova a boxing lesson,
and they also do a workout session together. The highlight of the
collab might be the opening shot showing Genova and Piana exiting
the limousine and waddling toward the gym entrance, both afflicted
with severe invisible lats syndrome (video).
The YouTube marketing machine Jason Genova wears some dumb skull
and crossbones shirt instead of capitalizing on the huge amount of
publicity surrounding this event to advertise his new clothing
line. Genova attempts to motivate Piana during his sets by yelling
out, "Nothin but a penis!" The Iron Reverse Fake Natty claims to
be taking trenbolone, testosterone, and 6 IUs of human growth
hormone to impress Piana. When Piana asks him if he's running test
acetate or test enanthate, Genova responds, "BOTH!" Piana naively
believes that this collaboration will finally put the slapboxing
incident to bed and stop Genova from blowing up his phone every
day. Little does he know that the horror has only just begun ...
Genova's Curse hits hard and early, with Piana divorcing his wife
Sara soon after the collab. Jason "The Delray Playboy" Genova
claims that he took Sara out to Red Lobster and that this inflamed
Rich's jealousy. (Collab video
part 1 | part 2)
The Businessman Era (July 2016 - December 2016)
-A new coath arrives on the scene: Jonny Fitness, an ex-cop who
was thrown off the force for some questionable conduct. For
whatever reason, he's now decided to sponsor Genova and says that
he will pay him $100 for every pound that he loses. Jonny offers
to pay for Jason's plane ticket to come with him to a block party
in New York City where PJ Braun and many other bodybuilding
celeries will be in attendance, but his mom
won't let him. Jason calls his mom the "Gains Goblin". He
later comes out with a video claiming that he's considering suing
his mom because she steals all his YouTube money and is ruining
his life, but it's quickly deleted (video). But not to
worry: Jason's new sugar daddy Jonny Fitness takes the plane
ticket money and instead buys Jason some expensive new clothes,
shoes, sunglasses, and a haircut. Jonny also gets Jason sponsored
by a place called Florida Meals, which makes packages of prepared
food so Chef Crackhead won't have to worry about attempting to
cook anymore. Jonny takes him inside Florida Meals and tells him
to pick out a few as samples -- Genova
promptly proceeds to fill up his entire bag as Jonny watches
helplessly. (The $100 for
every pound challenge)
-Andrew
writes a heartfelt post announcing that he's no longer going
to be making gym videos because the Misfits are no longer able to
get away with what they were doing at World Gym. He says that he
will still film the occasional special video outside of the gym,
but this effectively brings an end to the Delray Misfits series on
YouTube as we know it. Jonny Fitness is thus counted on by
Witnesses to be the saviour of ments. Jonny says that he's getting
Jason a tattoo, risking not only Jane's wrath but Lenny's for
making Jason a cookie cutter with a tattoo. Sickening G4P vibes
abound as Jonny makes a strange video where he has Jason take off
his shirt for a weigh-in, zooms in on Jason's nipples, then
remarks, "Those are nice. Those are fucking beautiful". Witnesses
begin to wonder just what Jonny's intentions are and what he's
hoping to get out of it by spending so much money on the Piss
Lord. (Genova
strips and weighs himself for Jonny)
-After days of hype, Jason finally
reveals his new tattoo: if you look very closely, it's a
Darth Vader helmet, but it looks like a giant black smudge on his
shoulder. Jonny claims that he signed as Jason's legal guardian in
order to get him the tattoo and now Jane is taking Jonny to court
over it. At last, in an Instagram video, it's revealed that it was
one big prank and the tattoo is fake. But never mind that; the
more important revelation is that Jason
spent the night with a tranny prostitute named Jazmin Star,
who apparently tried to get Jason to pay for breast implants. "I
don't care if she's a tranny, she's still a woman to me."
--Jason Genova (Jason justifies
hooking up with a tranny)
-Jason kills yet another coath, announcing that he's split with
Jonny. Jason claims that Jonny was a bad influence and was using
him for his fame. Furthermore, Jason claims that Jonny was talking
shit about Jason's "girl" Jazmin, along with PJ Braun, Adam, and
told Jason to stay away from the Delray Misfits. In fact, the
Misfits had an epic video lined up with Lenny and the whole crew,
but Jonny convinced Jason not to show up and to do the gay fake
tattoo video with him instead. Jason gleefully details how he
exploited Jonny for money, free clothes, and a new computer before
dumping him, to the approval of Andrew and Brad. The Iron
Extortionist proves to be impossible to exploit -- whoever tries
ends up getting exploited far worse themselves, it's so sickening.
Jason is still seeing the tranny as well, whom Brad dubs "Shim".
When Andrew asks if she still has a dick, Jason reassures him, "It
will be off very soon". (Jason
explains his tranny, why he dumped Jonny Fitness, and lights
firecrackers out his ass, part 1) (Part 2)
-Witnesses sharply criticize Andrew and Brad for what seems like
the first time ever because of them enabling Jason's scumbag
behaviour toward Jonny. Upon reflection, it does make little sense
that Jonny was "using" Jason for his fame, since he's only famous
in the tiny niche community of YouTube bodybuilding, and Jonny was
spending far more money on Jason than he could have possibly hoped
to get out of it. It seems likely that Jason turned on Jonny
because he wanted Jason to get rid of his precious tranny and put
an end to their late night lightsaber duels. Despite being made
aware of Jason talking shit, Jonny refuses to abandon him, because
he feels sorry for him and says that Jason is just confused and
paranoid. Jonny insists that he will continue to help The Iron
Ingrate. There are now three rival factions competing for Jason's
love: The Delray Misfits, the Jonas Crew, and Jonny. (Jonny
Fitness explains his side of the story)
-The Trannypocalypse is upon us as Shim takes over all of Jason's
social media accounts and bizarre new details emerge about the
situation: Instagram
messages from a month earlier of Jonny hitting on Shim are
discovered, and all attempts to contact Jonny to explain himself
result in being blocked. Shim makes a Periscope video with Jason,
and throughout the whole thing she argues with her ex-lover via
phone who turns out to be the seemingly minor Genovaverse
character former
coath Wesley (the goober who once appeared in a workout
video with Genova)! She taunts Wesley, saying, "You loved suckin
and fuckin this dick!" It seems like the whole purpose of Shim
getting together with Genova was to make Wesley jealous and to get
Jason to call an Order 66 on Wesley. It's also discovered that PJ
Braun follows Shim on Instagram. Forget about a love triangle,
this is a goddamn tranny love heptagon. At least they don't have
to worry about Big Lenny since he already has his own tranny
girlfriend. You really cannot make this shit up. Welcome to
Florida, boys. (The
Trannypocalypse, part 1) | (Part 2)
-Witnesses are shocked when a video called, "JASON GENOVA
KIDNAPPED" is uploaded: the tranny love heptagon appears to have
reached its horrifying climax as Jason is shown gagged and tied to
a chair while Jonny roasts Jason and "The Delray Shitfits" for
their transgressions. He calls Jason a liar and forces him to call
an Order 66 on himself. But then Jonny says that despite all of
Jason's faults ... he will always be his friend. It's a truly
touching video, and Witnesses are impressed by Jonny's forgiving
nature. Still doesn't explain those private messages he sent to
Shim, though. (Jason Genova
kidnapped)
-Jason's Florida Meals sponsorship is cut off after they get
bought out by Fresh Meals. He spends 16 minutes lying to Jonny
about various topics: when the Sickening Supps t-shirt scandal is
brought up, for example, he blames Austin 100% and calls him a
scammer, even though it was proven otherwise. The Iron Reverse
Fake Natty claims that he's receiving 250 mg of testosterone, 250
mg of tren, 6-7 IUs of human growth hormone, and 6 mg of Anavar
from the doctor. He also claims that his mother, Jane the Gain
Goblin, is okay with it. He insists that it does not hurt his
libido: "I get hardness. I get boners". Jonny, once
disliked by Witnesses for being boring and creepy, is quickly
improving his ability to extract ments from Jason with his laid
back style of questioning that doesn't cause Jason to get
defensive and shut down. Can Jonny be the next Adam Harper? He is
also open to squashing the beef with the Delray Misfits. (Jonny
questions Jason about various topics)
-In random disturbing news, a 19-year-old college student named
Austin Harrouff murders and eats the faces of an older couple who
were sitting in their garage minding their own business. The
murderer is a confirmed Genova's Witness who mentioned
Jason Genova in a video just days before eating their
faces, and he had even made multiple tribute videos of Genova.
Just another day in Florida, boys. It's possible that the ment
depletion drove Austin to insanity. (News
article)
-A sore
appears under Genova's lip and grows larger over time.
Witnesses speculate as to whether it's an innocent pimple or if he
caught herpes from sucking his girlfriend's dick.
-The Florida Meals that Genova took a month ago re-emerge in a
video where he still has them all in his fridge despite the
company going out of business weeks ago. He also picks up a
package in the fridge with contents that look entirely green --
Jonny identifies it as "cheese". Genova is in the worst shape of
his entire life. During the Hindenburg Era, he was huge, but at
least he looked big and his strength was at an all time high. Now
he just looks like shit, straight up. It almost looks like Shim
got him pregnant. He continues waffling on whether or not he's
doing a bodybuilding show this year. (Jonny
Fitness visits Genova's condo of doom)
-Genova clearly doesn't even lift anymore, and the quality of his
videos takes a nosedive. He says that he's entering the
businessman era now and just wants to be a celebrity rather than a
bodybuilder because bodybuilding is too corrupt. He usually just
repeats his mantra, "It's sick, it's piss, it's revolting, it's
insulting," over and over again. In fact, he's gotten too lazy to
even do that and often just lies on his infamous brass bed (now
known as "The Fapmobile") and shortens it to, "Sick. Piss.
Revolting. Insulting". He constantly deletes videos that have a
large number of dislikes, and Witnesses are pounding Jason's
videos with dislikes almost as hard as Shim is pounding Jason's
asshole.
-Big Lenny's arch-nemesis DALE!!!!! Dale Chance drives 10 hours
down to Delray Beach for a much anticipated Delray Misfits collab
video. The Iron Extortionist shows up to Dale's hotel room at 4:00
AM and tries to get him to buy him breakfast. Delray Misfits fans
are annoyed at Jason butting in and trying to make himself the
centre of attention during Lenny and Dale's legendary encounter.
The good news is that Shim appears to be out of the picture now;
Jason later claims that Jane the Gain Goblin put a restraining
order on it. Jason also says that he, Lenny, and Dale will all be
competing in the Ruby Championships next year. (Dale
confronts Lenny, part 1)(Part 2)(Part 3)(Part 4)(Part 5)
-Jonny's offer to make peace with the Delray Misfits is pulled off
the table after the Dale Chance video because Jonny is unhappy
with what they said about him. He claims that Andrew and Brad were
lying when they said that they invited him to be in the video, and
even if they were to invite him, he would have refused anyway; he
lambasts the Misfits for "belittling and mocking a mentally
handicapped person" in Jason. Jonny demonstrates potato reasoning
in his video and sounds like Poonycheeps and Marc Lobsterliner
when they tried to white knight Genova and insulted Genova's
Witnesses. Jonny also reveals some videos where he creepily filmed
Jason with a hidden camera and even a private conversation Jonny
had with Jason's mom. Public opinion has once again swung in
favour of the Delray Misfits in the Misfits vs Jonny feud. Jonny
confirms that Jason isn't interested in dieting anymore, and he no
longer wants to hook Jason up with free Fresh Meals after the
fiasco with the Florida Meals rotting in his fridge. He says that
Genova is a manipulative asshole who constantly talks shit about
everyone who helps him. (Jonny
Fitness re-ignites the feud with the Delray Misfits)
-The Mellon Dollar Man says he's retiring from bodybuilding soon
and is going to be a movie star instead. He has delusions of being
paid $250,000 for a movie, which he will be doing from November
2017 to 2019. "Worst case scenario I make $50,000-$100,000".
He then talks about putting the money in a "high interest security
CD", which doubles every year for ten years and making 3-4 mellon
dollars. He's already thinking ahead and worrying about getting
more movie deals after that or if he'll just be a one hit wonder.
He writes on Instagram that he'll be driving a "Royal Roy's"
within two years. (Jason
Genova's eggsplains his movie deal)
-The previously inseparable PJ Braun and Aaron Singerman had split
up amicably months earlier as the latter went off to start his own
company called RedCon1, but serious bad blood is brewing between
them now: PJ accuses
Aaron of stealing an e-mail clients list from the Blackstone
Labs database in order to sell them products for RedCon1. PJ is
even hinting at taking legal action against Aaron. Another case
for ace attorney Scott Miller? Lord Vader calls an Order 66 on
Aaron Singerman for "stealing all of PJ's formulas" even though
that's not what happened. Genova also calls another Order 66 on
Jason Blaha, whose channel is rapidly dying after losing 2/3 of
his views since being exposed for stolen valor by the
pisstroopers. It's a bit redundant since Blaha was already under a
lifetime Order 66, but it's a nice reminder to destroy the biggest
scumbag on YouTube. The Delray Misfits sign up to Busy Body
Fitness in Boca, the scene of Genova's infamous leg workout video
with PJ Braun from 2012. Genova discovers that he's banned from
the juice bar there because it's owned by Aaron Singerman. (Singerman
bans Genova from the juice bar after being Order 66'd)
-Jason announces the debut of his mom's sickening new cooking
channel, although it suffers a setback because Jason ate all the
ingredients in the fridge that were supposed to feed four people.
She gets 2,300 subscribers before she even makes her first video.
The response from Witnesses is overwhelmingly positive, and they
plot for a way to have Jane the Gain Goblin overtake Jason in
subscribers so they can witness the ments from him flipping out. (Cooking with
Chef Jane)
-Jason talks for weeks about being paid to do a celebrity guest
appearance at a kava bar called Kavasutra. The Misfits are
doubtful since this boy has cried wolf so many times before, and
they suspect another mysterious kitchen leak canceling the event,
but this time it actually turns out to be true. Genova gets his
own table at the bar and autographs photoshopped pictures of
himself to a surprisingly long line of Genova's Witnesses. This
photo is a hilarious contrast between the fantasy depicted
in the picture and the reality. At the end of the night, the
Mellon Dollar Man peels off in a car that he identifies as a
"1950Somethin Chevrolette Corvette Or Whatever It Is." (Jason
Genova's celebrity appearance at Kavasutra)
-With news of the category 4 Hurricane Matthew about to hit Delray
Beach, most sane people flee the city or at least board up their
houses and hide inside. Brad drives his mail truck through the
abandoned streets and sees what appears to be a fat old woman
waddling around, but upon closer inspection, it's actually Janoy
Cresva with his shorts hiked up to his stomach. Janoy defiantly
goes outside and flexes during the hurricane, declaring, "We don't
care about frickin Hurricane Matthew, we're freaks baby!" (Jason
Genova refuses to back down to Hurricane Matthew)
-Lord Vader goes on another Order 66 spree, calling for them
against Chris Jones, Vitaly, and Nikki Blackketter (for breaking
up with "Chris Gooma" (Christian Guzman) even though Genova Order
66'd Gooma not that long ago). He even makes a video with
Jonny Fitness where Jason appears to be off his meds, saying,
"Order 66 everyone on the planet", and, "Order 66 all grocery
stores except Publix". The once feared Order 66 has officially
lost all its power and meaning. (The Order 66 spree)
-Genova and the Delray Misfits drive to Port Charlotte to attend
the bodybuilding show of another one of Big Lenny's rivals,
MMMMMMMMEL CHANCEY!!!! While there, they get to meet Hulk Hogan.
Genova immediately launches into his spiel about being a YouTube
celery and asks Hulk Hogan to do his famous "Gimme a hell yeah!"
line; we are reminded of the time that Jason's mom met Don King in
Costco and said that she really loved his "I have a dream" speech
(video).
The experience of meeting Hulk Hogan inflates Genova's ego to
dizzying proportions -- afterwards, he talks shit about the late
Zyzz, telling him to bow down before him because he's far more
famous and has met more celebrities than Zyzz. Lenny even fools
Jason into believing that Hulk Hogan was the one who was excited
because he got to meet Jason Genova. (The Delray Misfits meet
Hulk Hogan)
-It's discovered that in the Delray
Misfits version of the Hulk Hogan video, Lenny was shooting
the shit with a slightly drunk Hogan and was about to get him to
talk shit about DALE!!!! But Genova butted in and insisted on
getting a picture, ending any potential ment. This causes a
massive, long lasting backlash against Genova, especially in light
of the current ment drought caused by a hotly anticipated
Halloween party video's release being delayed (rumoured to be
because of Jay Masters' actions during the party being too messed
up for YouTube), and Jason's videos are disliked into oblivion.
Jason makes a bunch of webcam videos complaining that he's down
dumps because his life sucks and everyone hates him. "I just
wanna swim with dolphins ... I just want to go on a deserted
island, live alone, and evolve." --Monkey Prick (Feel
cold fans, down dumps)
-Eager to restore the power of the Order 66, Lord Vader calls for
one on Rich Piana's ex-wife, Sara, for using Rich for a green
card. Most of Jason's fans now hate him, but a few loyal
pisstroopers form a coalition with The Piano Man's large Russian
fanbase and force Sara to abandon her Instagram. Jason tells Rich
that he now owes him a collab video. Lord Vader calls yet another
Order 66 on Zyzz's brother Chestbrah for calling Jason "a retarded
midget". In light of Donald Trump's recent win in the US
presidential election, Lord Vader orders his legion to deport
Chestbrah "back over the wall where he came from: Australia". (Order
66 Chest)
-Genova claims that the new computer Jonny bought him is broken
and demands that a fan send him a new one. Trolls from every
corner of the world get together and claim that they're sending
him a huge array of expensive gifts: MacBooks, cars, motorbikes,
video game consoles, TVs, watches, and more. Andrew and Brad try
telling him that he's getting trolled again because it makes no
sense to give Jason thousands of dollars worth of merchandise for
free, but he insists that IT'S LEGIIIIIT because they're all rich
Saudi Arabians. They make a bet that if the gifts are real, Brad
has to shave his Civil War general beard off. If they're fake,
Brad and Andrew get to shave "trolled again" into Pudding Head's
hair. (More
Spaniard delusions)
-After a bunch more pointless Order 66s (including one against
Brad on his birthday for refusing to believe that Jason is
receiving free cars), a guy named Annoying Biker gets into Jason's
ear and stirs up even more hate against him by posting a number of
phone conversations he had with The Piss Lord, wherein he calls
his own fans "idiots" and "dumbos". After Annoying Biker offers to
send him a free car, Genova offers to sell
Annoying Biker Rich Piana's phone number, but he'll need to
send him cash on top of the car. Genova demands expensive gifts
from his fans in exchange for shoutouts, as if shoutouts are the
most valuable commodity in the world. He scoffs at gifts of 15
buck that he receives from fans as not being good enough. This
outrageous display of greed brings unprecedented levels of hate
against The Iron Jew, although it
sounds like he's desperate to receive expensive gifts mostly so
he can shut up Brad. Genova ironically makes an Instagram
video later grumbling about having to go out and buy gifts for his
family on Black Friday. He probably went to the dollar store and
bought some sickening packs of gum and shoelaces. A troll from
FitMisc who actually did send Jason a TV (albeit a dated one) in
the hopes of gaining his trust to troll him later on shares text
conversations he had with Genova, who claims that he only received
the base of the TV. It turns out that Jason's mom, the Television
Goblin, stole it because it was sent to her house. Another troll
claimed that he was sending Jason a new iPhone, but when he opens
the box on camera, it contains a Chap Stick, a Star Wars
toothbrush, and a Publix nametag with "Janoy Cresva" on it. (Troll gift
unboxing)
-Jason hints at a collaboration with a mystery person. The
identity of this person is leaked, and it's Rich Piana. However,
it either falls through or Genova was delusional about this collab
in the first place, and Lord Vader is pissed. In retaliation, he
does the unthinkable, despite all the drama he experienced last
time: he calls an Order 66 on Rich Piana! He quickly deletes the
video, but it's reposted, and pisstroopers begin flooding The
Piano Man's YouTube comments and Instagram. Slapboxing round 2
might be on the horizon. (The second Order 66 on Rich Piana)
-Genova posts videos of himself in his car with a baseball bat,
saying he's paying Rich Piana a visit at 5% Nutrition in Tampa to
get revenge. Only half of his rage against Piana is because of the
failed collab -- the other half is because trolls convinced Jason
that his imaginary girlfriend, Mary in New York (whom Jason sent a
pair of $100 jeans to), is in the Mafia and Rich Piana wants to
steal her away from him. Genova now believes that he's a made man
in the Mafia and even wears a poverty mobster suit during his car
trip. He suddenly has a new fixation on the word "literally",
letting everyone know that he's literally on his way to Tampa to
literally bitchslap The Piano Man, like literally. Halfway through
the trip, he realizes that he doesn't know the address and asks
someone to find it for him. He arrives and peers through a few
random office windows in Tampa in an effort to find The Piano Man.
Genova breaks a couple 5% Nutrition supplement bottles with his
little league bat before calling it a day and going home. (Genova
hunting down Rich Piana in Tampa)
-For unknown reasons, Genova streams a nude posing session on
Instagram, with his lightsaber swinging in full view. Merry merry
hoey hoey Christmas, fan buddies. Appropriately, Metallica's "The
God That Failed" is heard blaring in the background. Genova later
claims that it was Pay For Gay, he was paid $800, and it's no big
deal because all bodybuilders do it. After being chewed out by
Brad, he promises to increase his naked posing fee to $55,000. (Brad
lectures Jason about posing naked on Instagram)
-Genova tops off the Christmas season by getting drunk live on
stream. After chugging back a few beers, he declares, "I ain't
even feelin fuckin buzzed yet!" Takes one more sip: "I'm feelin
fuckin wasted already, man". He once famously claimed that eating
vegetables speeds up one's molecular structure, and this is
apparently on display when he groans about being hungover already.
Viewers who tune in to the stream late and see The Man Getter
moaning for his mommy while white liquid drips down his mouth are
doubtlessly confused and disturbed. We'll leave it to your
imagination as to what happened there. (Genova gets wasted)
-Genova makes another celebrity appearance at the Kavasutra bar,
where he attends some kind of Star Wars-themed orgy. We can only
assume from his pissening physique that he's playing the role of
Jabba the Hutt. He yells, "NATCHA BOY RIC FLAIRENING! WOOOOOO!
WOOOOOO! WOOOOOO!" as slave girl Leias make out with each other on
a bed. Speaking of which, Genova the Hutt makes a video a week
after Carrie Fischer (Princess Leia's actress) died, breaking the
news that "Carry Fish" is dead. It's assumed that he doesn't
really care because she wasn't in his beloved prequel trilogy.
Natalie Portman would be a different story. (The Star Wars orgy at
Kavasutra)
Road to the Ruby 2017 (January 2017 - September 2017)
The Hindenburg in January 2017
-Genova decides that it's time to start training again and
announces that he's entering the "Beat PJ"
physique transformation contest where contestants can win $5,000
if they make a more impressive improvement than PJ Braun after
three months. PJ is even willing to double the prize to $10,000
for Jason if he wins. This lines up nicely with Jason's plans to
enter the CJ Classic bodybuilding show in West Palm Beach on March
11 and the much anticipated Ruby Championships on September 23,
where he'll go up against Lenny and Dale. He claims that it will
be his final bodybuilding show, after which he'll retire and
become a movie star. He starts the new year off with the first
good workout video in ages, helped greatly by commentary
from Brad the savage. He threatens to knock The Spaniard's teeth
through the back of his head if he says "literally" one more time,
so we can thank Brad for curing that obnoxious affliction Jason's
had since the Rich Piana road trip video. It's painfully apparent
during the post-workout posing session that The Hindenburg has an
almost insurmountable task ahead of him, having barely touched a
weight for half a year, weighing about 220 pounds, and looking
like complete shit with pissening orangutan aesthetics. Even his
legendary Tom Platz wheels have shrunk down to nothing; training
legs twice a year must have finally taken its toll. To silence all
the doubters, Jason does a Rocky-inspired stunt where he chugs a
glass of raw eggs on camera. It's the first great ment in a long
time that manages to endear him to Witnesses, compared to the
extreme hate that he constantly received during the Businessman
Era. (Jason chugs
down some raw eggs like Rocky)
-Jason does "grueling" Rocky-style training to get in shape,
consisting of running along the beach for 30 seconds.
He swears that he will only show pictures updating his physique
every two weeks as opposed to every two hours like before. He
still continues to drink raw eggs every morning, but PJ Braun
forces him to stop. Genova also uploads some appetizing
pictures of chicken that's still pink cooked via microwave.
No need to be concerned about the Sith Lord; his immune system has
become more powerful than you can possibly imagine after years of
this revolting shit. He weighs in at 215 pounds after a few weeks
of training and dieting. Surprisingly, instead of giving him
special treatment, PJ forces Genova to follow the rules and buy a
Blackstone Labs product in order to enter the Beat PJ contest. The
Iron Jew immediately asks what the cheapest product is in the
whole place, and he buys a Dust V2 pre-workout packet for $2.
Dismayed at having to part with $2, The Iron Extortionist offsets
it by extorting PJ for $30 in gas money, two bottles of
supplements worth about $130, and a gym membership at Busy Body
Fitness for a year. (The Iron
Extortionist in action again)
-Jason is interviewed on Muscle Sport TV by Gregg Valentino, the
famous "Man Whose Arms Exploded" because he injected so much
synthol into his biceps. Genova gives an incredibly delusional
interview, once again claiming that he's going to be starring in a
movie and has to spend 6 months in acting school because he's
going to have a scene with Brad Pitt and Natalie Portman. Maybe
the story is about Natalie Portman stuck in a love triangle where
she has to choose between two of Hollywood's hottest hunks. The
Mellon Dollar Man also claims that he's making $1 per view on
YouTube and gets 10 million views per month. Gregg and his co-host
Joe Pietaro don't really react to this and troll him like Lee
Priest would, so either they're being nice or they're unable to do
math. (Muscle Sport
TV interview with Jason Genova)
-There's not much visible progress in Jason's update pics. His
body looks more like a deflating balloon than actually getting in
shape. Nevertheless, there's no indication that he's dropping out
of the March CJ Classic show and even claims that girls are coming
up and hitting on him now that he's so ripped. He heads to
the chiropractor, who confirms that Jason has scoliosis.
Blackstone Labs also hooks Jason up with a workout with IFBB pro
Cody Montgomery, or Cody Montgomfery as Jason calls him. In light
of everyone Genova touches turning to piss, Montgomfery begs Jason
not to Order 66 him. Genova asks Nate if he can give him a spare
drone lying around as a birthday present, he's entitled to it
(Nate's drones cost over $1,000 each).
-Genova's bodybuilding show entry fee being paid for is endangered
after Blackstone Labs is raided by the Food and Drug
Administration for DMAA, a questionably legal ingredient in their
pre-workout, Dust Extreme. On top of that, PJ and his wife Celeste
divorce after rumours of her cheating on him, and the two fight
over the Celestial Bodiez website (a clothing company that she ran
out of the Blackstone Labs warehouse. PJ was so pissed that he
actually locked her out of the building). Perhaps the Piss Lord is
all that Pajamas will have left after his empire crumbles around
him. Genova is down to 204 pounds two weeks out from his show. He
complains about being carb depleted in a SnapChat video that's
suspiciously recorded in the Dunkin Donuts parking lot. (Jason
totally not crabbing up on Dunkin Donuts)
-Genova seems to be aware that he's not in any shape to compete in
the show but says that he's forced to anyway in order to be in
Muscle and Sport Magazine. Even Lenny, who is normally supportive
of Jason, wants him to call it off. In a last ditch effort to not
embarrass himself on stage, Genova tries some ridiculous
broscience one week out where he puts Preparation H hemorrhoid
cream on his gut and shrink wraps it to flush out all the water
and sodium. (Andrew speechless after
discovering Jason's shrink-wrapped stomach)
-Genova's Hyundai breaks down because he ignored the check engine
light for years and never changed the oil, but not even this
mishap can stop him from going over to the CJ classic and making
an ass of himself, getting his grandma to drive him. Andrew says
that he refuses to film Jason at the show because he looks like
shit, so Jason gets Nate to do it instead. Jason's fat ass is
rolled onto the stage, and his flab jiggles along to the posing
music. He competes against five people and gets last place. He
attempts to lie to Andrew and Brad that he got 4th place for some
reason, despite knowing that Nate was there filming the whole
thing. (Jason's
embarrassing showing at the CJ Classic)
-Jason tells PJ Braun that his failure at the CJ Classic was
actually him being paid $500 to come down and guest pose. He also
claims that Muscle and Sport Magazine is letting him write an
article, even though Janoy Cresva can't even spell his own name.
PJ feels bad for him having his car break down and offers him a
Nissan Juke if he successfully learns how to drive a manual
transmission. It's unclear if Pajamas means that Jason can merely
borrow the car if he succeeds, or if he can actually HAVE it. It
turns out to be moot anyway since he doesn't even come close to
learning to drive stick shift, ignoring PJ's orders to stay in the
Blackstone Labs parking lot and stalling the car on the road in
the middle of rush hour. (PJ Braun
tries to teach Jason Genova how to drive stick shift)
-Witnesses discover that Genova is suddenly in Los Angeles with
his sugar daddy, Jonny Fitness. It's surreal to see Jason outside
of Florida for the first time since he's debuted on YouTube. He's
staying in a penthouse suite and claims that he's having important
meetings with people about his acting career and clothing company.
The trip does little to ingratiate Jonny to Witnesses since there
are very few ments out of the whole expensive affair, and potato
Jonny (or Jason) leaves a giant "FILMORA free trial" watermark in
the middle of all the videos. Jason mostly just walks down the
streets of LA while endlessly repeating, "Down here in LA, it's
sick, it's piss, it's revolting, it's insulting". A random woman
on the street recognizes Genova and berates him for failing to
give her a birthday shoutout a year ago. Genova brags to taxi drivers
that he's making A LOTTT of money on YouTube; curiously enough
however, the Mellon Dollar Man begs Jonny for help in paying his
phone bill. He also asks Jonny to buy him food at In-N-Out Burger,
orders two "McDoubles" there, then pockets Jonny's change. (Jason
at In-N-Out Burger in LA)
-Genova makes up with Jonas for the fourth time, and they announce
My Story Part 9, which Jason says is "the last part of the
trilogy". A number of bizarre claims are made, like Joey Joe Joe
not being present anymore because he's actually a female to male
transsexual and is having a baby. Jonas admits that Attorney Scott
Miller is homeless and it's hard to get him in a video because
they have to wander the streets looking for him. (My Story Part 9 announcement)
-Jason's car is still broken down and he's slowly turning into
Lenny now that he has to ride his bike everywhere. Jason oddly
passes on an invitation to drive a Lamborghini with PJ Braun so he
can hang out with a fan of his instead: a genetic abomination whom
Witnesses dub "Half Brother Dan", joking that he's Genova's long
lost half brother that he left stranded at the airport.
-Jason asks PJ Braun to give him a job at Blackstone Labs "with
the least amount of work" because Publix is treating him "like an
Egyptian slave". He calls an Order 66 on PJ's ex-wife Celeste, and
it's rather effective since she's taken over ownership of
Celestial Bodiez and it doesn't help to have their new Instagram
and YouTube channel flooded with dislikes and "ORDER 66 CELESTE
BONIN FOR BEYARING BOTHER PJ" comments. Their Q&A livestreams
are a disaster, with pisstroopers taking over and telling Celeste
that she met their half brother Dan at the airport. Many people
suspect that PJ told Lord Vader to do it in order to sabotage
Celestial Bodiez now that Blackstone Labs is coming out with their
own line of women's clothing. This is backed up by Jonas claiming he saw the
check that PJ wrote Jason to do it. PJ wanted revenge because he had agreed to
give up ownership of Celestial Bodiez to Celeste in the divorce,
along with cars and residences, just so he could get his damn
dog back. Hey, if PJ is going to give Jason gas money and
hundreds of dollars worth of supplements every month, he may as
well get his money's worth. (Blackstone
Labs ments with Jason Genova and the Delray Misfits)
-Genova bloats back up to over 200 pounds, blowing any chance of
winning the Beat PJ contest even though he probably would have
received special favour if he had at least put in a modicum of
effort. He's making terrible videos where he endlessly repeats his
"it's sick, it's piss, it's revolting, it's insulting" mantra,
along with out of control bragging about his imaginary money and
delusional movie career. It's an unpleasant reminder of the
excesses of the Businessman Era. Jason even attempts to start a
GoFundMe to get him a new car, inspired by Witnesses donating over
$1,000 to clean out Lenny's hovel, but nobody donates. The
dislikes on his videos have reached an all time high and his
comments section is a cesspool of extreme hate and negativity
where everybody calls him a fat greedy retard who should go kill
himself. Jason's channel had been slowly but steadily growing ever
since his debut on YouTube in 2009, with occasional spikes after
major ments like the Rich Piana slapboxing incident -- Jason had
still been riding the wave of new subscribers and interest that he
got from the slapboxing video to some extent, but he totally
squandered the opportunity, and for the first time ever he is now
losing hundreds of subscribers.
-Brad has a
long talk with Genova in the car concerning his crumbling
YouTube channel, telling him that he needs to stop with the lying,
bragging, and to quit repeating his annoying mantra constantly.
Genova sounds unusually coherent and normal (in stark contrast to
another manic
video where he was clearly off his meds, riding his bike
while yelling at traffic, "MACHO MAN RICK SAVAGE! SNAP INTO A SLIM
JIM OHHH YEAH!" and giving passing cars the finger), and seems to
understand that he needs to redeem himself after his poor showing
at the CJ Classic, the Beat PJ contest, and the trip to LA. Jason
later makes a video promising to be a humble human bean from now
on, with no more lying, and he will no longer say his annoying
mantra. It's the first video in months that gets more likes than
dislikes. The Spaniard declares that if you win the crowd, you win
your freedom baby. (Jason
Genova, the humble human bean)
-Jason doesn't keep his promise to stop saying his mantra
entirely, but he does cut it down significantly. He's even
beginning to edit his own videos, as evidenced by him looping
clips of the same footage multiple times in the same video. He has
relapses of being a lying, greedy braggart -- for example,
announcing that My Story Part 9 will cost $2.99 to view on
YouTube, and pretending that Half Brother Dan's Mustang is his:
when Jason is driving it and Dan tells him that he can be seen in
the reflection of Jason's sunglasses, Jason says not to worry
because he'll edit it out later, but he obviously forgot to. (Genova
drives Half Brother Dan's Mustang)
-Jason gets an Acura TL handed down to him from his mother. Oddly
enough, she had it tricked out with ghetto chrome rims.
-The Man Getter announces a contest where 4-7 winners, 10 winners,
1 lucky winner wins a trip to Florida to eat with, train with, AND
SLEEP WITH The Piss Lord. (The
most lucrative contest in history)
-My Story Part 9
is a critical and box office flop, making a grand total of $30,
and surprise surprise Jason and Jonas have yet another falling out
over it. Half Brother Dan was involved in its production, and he
was expecting a big payday out of it to pay off $5,000 in credit
card debt he racked up on his parents' credit card. In a phone
call with a FitMiscer, Jonas says that Jason is frustrating to
work with because he can't focus or follow directions to shoot
scenes. This bodes ill for his aspiring Hollywood movie career.
Jonas confirms that Jane confiscates all of Jason's money -- his
income from both Publix and YouTube -- altogether totalling about
$1,000 a month because she's his legal guardian and gives him a
weekly allowance of $70, paying all his bills in return. This may
help explain why he's such a freeloader and always begs people for
money. Jonas wants to fight Jason, Andrew, or Brad in a boxing
match (????????). A lot of what Jonas says in the phone call is
probably true, but he can't be trusted since he's a bit of a
delusional potato himself, claiming that he could beat Jason in a
fight because he's only half an inch shorter, even though Jason
clearly has 4-5 inches on him and probably outweighs him by
100 pounds, too. Jonas criticizes Andrew by saying he makes about
$1,000 a month from the Delray Misfits channel but takes it all
for himself, never paying any of his big draws like Big Lenny.
Jonas claims to be friends with Big Lenny, and this might actually
be true since he once posted a video where he was with him.
Jonas expresses a desire to steal Lenny away from the Misfits and
centre his videos around him and Attorney Scott Miller instead of
Jason. (Phone call
with Jonas)
-Jason does a workout with IFBB pro figure model and Blackstone
Labs athlete Karen Yoakum. Karen asks if she can be Jason's
official prep coach for the Ruby -- she's not quite as jacked as
Coath Debbie, but he excitedly accepts her offer. He tries to get
her to come over to his condo, claiming that she needs to check
his diet (yeah right, he wants to get her on the Brass Bed of
Doom). She takes him through a cardio-intensive workout
reminiscent of the Adam Era, including the dreaded burpees. Even
the long lost Claw is making its return. She initially tries
calling herself Coach Karen instead of Coath Karen, clearly
demonstrating that she does not understand what she is in for ...
(Workout with
Coath K)
-Genova no-shows another scheduled session with Coath Karen,
claiming car problems. However, these supposed car problems don't
stop him from training with another IFBB pro, Shane Eslahi, and
NPC competitor Tristan James shortly after. Perhaps The Man Getter
simply prefers sausage. In any event, he's getting some good
workouts in, and his gut is slowly starting to not hang over his
shorts anymore. (Genova
stands up Coath K)
-A guy named Jonny Bravo (not to be confused with Jonny Fitness)
comes down to film a Jason Genova documentary, but unlike the last
documentary, this one actually gets made. It's called "My Biggest
Struggle" (wasn't that the name of Hitler's book?) and is
professionally edited but corny, with Jason regaling us with his
experience of being bullied in high school: "Gimme your lunch
money or I'll give you a wedgie!" He also admits that he "was born
with slight, slight, you can't even see it, I don't even think
it's like, 1% of autism". This shows a change in the way that he
wants to present himself: In times past, he wanted people to think
that he was perfectly fine other than a few minor disabilities
like ADD, OCD, Run-DMC, and dyslexia, but now he wants to be seen
as somebody who has heroically overcome his crippling disabilities
to become a successful YouTube celery, and all of his bad behavior
can be blamed on his disabilities. The Muscle Sport Magazine
article that he claimed to be writing also turns out to be real
(though obviously it was heavily edited by somebody who is
actually literate), and it presents a similar narrative. (My Biggest
Struggle short film)
-Lord Vader calls an Order 66 on Kali Muscle in order to help out
Jonny Bravo who is currently feuding with him. Kali retaliates by
calling all of Genova's fans retards because they follow a retard.
This doesn't go over well with the pisstroopers since they feel
like they're the only ones who are allowed to call Jason retarded.
Kali also makes some connection between the number 66 and 666,
calling all of the pisstroopers devil worshipers. Despite Kali
Muscle having over a million subscribers vs Genova's 40,000,
pisstroopers completely take over the comments section of his
YouTube videos, enraging Kali and prompting him to make several
response videos. He even reads the absurd comments on his
channel word for word: "To end your Order 66 nightmare, you
must read book and journey to the Jedi temple. When you get there,
purify yourself in the warm piss waters of Lake Cresva, and swim
with the ancient dolphins from the 70's. It less stress". While
the pisstroopers are dying on the battlefield for him, Genova
blissfully vlogs himself going to see Wonder Woman and going
shopping with his mother. (The
mobilization call for the pisstroopers)
-The Order 66 against Kali Muscle is the biggest one in a long
time and continues to rage on. Lord Vader finally appears again
and offers the pisstroopers some support, repeatedly asking Marc
Lobsterliner and Mac Trucc, "WHAT'S YOUR
MOTIVE?" when they try to interfere with his Order 66
against Kali, telling them to mind their own biznizz or they'll be
next. Even Big Lenny joins the attack, calling Kali a "porch
monkey" and going on a rant about how it's too bad that Hitler
never created his 1,000 year Reich. It's unclear if Lenny is
genuinely racist or if he's just hamming it up for the camera, but
it should be noted that he was once married to a Haitian woman.
Plus he fucks black trannies on a regular basis. Jay Masters later
chimes in, claiming to have powerful friends in California who
will lock up Kali again if he doesn't apologize. Unexpectedly,
Dale Chance gets pissed off at Jason and Lenny because he's a big
fan of Kali Muscle, adding some bad blood to their upcoming
showdown at the Ruby. The traitorous Jonas the Rat Prick is also
spotted on Instagram trying to talk to Kali Muscle and offering
him damning information about Jason, but how do you dig up dirt on
somebody who already has a video of himself jacking off? Come to
think of it, Kali "Chuck Basher" Muscle does too. (Big Lenny
calls out Kali Muscle)
-Genova hooks up with yet another Blackstone Labs chick, Diana
Maybrook, an aspiring fitness model who seems to be taking the
role of life coath while leaving the gym coathing to Karen, Cody,
Tristan, and Shane. Jason and Diana make a video addressing the
haters, and Jason boasts about hanging out with hot fitness chicks
like her all the time. She calls him a "marketing god" even though
he's currently in the process of posting 10 shit videos per day
with 90% dislikes where he mindlessly repeats his catchphrases and
is losing more subscribers than he ever has before. He's in dire
need of another intervention from Brad and Andrew, but they've
been on vacation for a while. Genova uses the movie Saving
Private Ryan as proof that it's illegal to send an only
child to war and that's the reason why he wasn't allowed to join
the military. He says that they wouldn't send him into battle
anyway because he's too valuable to be blown up. (Jason and
Diana address the haters)
-In the sea of Genova's awful vlog videos which are all the same
and have zero ments, he does post one amusing
video where he weighs out all of his food: He fries an egg
then plops it directly onto the scale.
-Genova gets another workout in with Tristan, who rebukes Genova
for dumping a gallon of olive oil in all his meals. Genova denies
eating any cheat meals and claims that he's eating "distilled
oatmeal". (Jason's
workout with Tristan)
-The Delray Playboy goes out for a night on the town with Diana
but gets brutally friendzoned by her on camera as she shuts him
down every time he tries hitting on her or putting his arm around
her, and she even says the dreaded "Jason is my bestie" and "Jason
is like my brother" lines. (Jason and
Diana go out)
-Marc Lobliner said that he was flying Genova out to Ohio to be at
a charity event for veterans, but he cancels his offer to pay for
Genova's flight and hotel because he called an
Order 66 on Alan Roberts from Every Damn Day Fitness in
order to help out Jonny Bravo, calling Alan an "ugly old fat man,
and his wife's an ugly old fat bitch". Genova says that
Lobsterliner would be nowhere if it weren't for him. This might be
true for someone like Nate, but for Lobsterliner -- highly
dubious. Lobster Prick clarifies that Genova is still invited to
come to the event -- he just won't pay for his ticket. But little
does he know that not paying for The Iron Jew's flight and hotel
is as good as uninviting him. (Genova and
Lenny call out Lobster Prick for not paying for Genova's trip)
-Jay Masters convinces Genova to enter the 170 pounds middleweight
class at the Ruby so he doesn't have to go up against guys in
light heavyweight who are way bigger than him, which was a problem
in past shows. The Misfits are actually complimenting Jason's
progress in a non-sarcastic way; he's clearly lost a ton of
weight, cutting down to 190 pounds, but is in danger of looking
like an Ethiopian crackhead who's lean but has little muscle. He
writes on Instagram that his "jewline"
is starting to come in. Amusingly enough, Jason is
actually leaner now than PJ Braun who has gone full
Hindenburg and is now sporting a double chin after hitting the
bottle, dealing with the stress of his divorce and the various
troubles with his company. Lenny is looking terrible: say what you
want about his gut (which is unfixable at this point), but he
always managed to shred down for bodybuilding shows to the point
where he was vascular and had striated glutes. Now, though, he's
actually in worse shape than he was a couple months ago, and
Witnesses all fear for his health. Dale, on the other hand, is
rumoured to be looking great, but Andrew and Brad are keeping his
pictures a secret. (Genova
looking like an Ethiopian crackhead)
-Genova does a back workout earlier in the day before he's
supposed to do a scheduled back workout with Cody Montgomfery.
Piss. He's skipped out on several training sessions with Coath
Karen, and she suspects that he's been avoiding her because he
can't handle her conditioning workouts. He claims that his car
broke down yet again and even cries/pretends to cry on Instagram
Live over it, but it turns out that he's telling the truth when PJ
phones Jane. Finally, Genova gets another session in with Karen,
and he looks to have bloated up since his last workout with the
Misfits -- probably getting cocky after receiving compliments on
the amount of weight he's lost and felt entitled to a little treat
(don't be mad Skip). He modified Coath Karen's diet because he
thinks he knows better, but he agrees to follow the original diet.
(Karen trains
Jason again)
-Genova is weighing in at 196 pounds and his body fat is at 17.2%
according to a DEXA scan. PJ Braun seems committed to getting the
Piss Lord shredded so PJ can surpass his nemesis Adam Harper,
hence sending three coaths to harass Jason. Chef Crackhead lures
Diana into his condo to cook some salmon with him while he's
wearing nothing but his underwear. Despite being dressed for
seduction, the friendzoning continues as he's forced to refer to
her as his "sister", but he still zooms in on his sister's tits
throughout the whole video. At one point, it sounds like he lets a
fart rip right in front of her. He expresses confusion as to why
he's still single, since he's "a good looking guy with a great
body". They end up burning the salmon, so they abort the stove top
cooking and finish it off in the microwave. (Cooking
salmon with sexy sis Diana)
-After Witnesses get fed up with Genova's constant Nature Boy Ric
Flairening WOOOOO high profilin strofilin impersonations, Genova
decides to try a new one: he does an unusually good Elvis Presley
impersonation, and it seems eerily similar to an Andy Kaufman bit
where he would successfully troll audiences for years by
pretending to be an awful, clueless comedian before blowing them
away with a perfect Elvis impersonation. Really makes you think
... (Elvis video)
-Genova streams an Instagram Live session while driving, and
viewers claim that he got into a car accident because he was
distracted with reading the comments on his phone. However, no one
managed to save the stream of the actual collision, and Jason
claims that he walked out of his condo and saw that his back
bumper was dented because a hater troll smashed it with a baseball
bat. Whatever happened, Jane the Gain Goblin is not pleased and
takes away his driving privileges, though Jason claims that he's
choosing not to drive because he's crab depleted and can't be on
the road (or else he might take a bite out of the steering wheel
like he allegedly did years ago). (The alleged
bumper smashing)
-Jason pays Blackstone Labs a visit, raving like a madman and
begging PJ for money not even a week after he promised not to
again. He claims that he needs it for something to ensure that
he'll look the best he's ever looked at the Ruby; the implication
is that he needs it to buy a bunch of steroids from Lenny, and he
even shows PJ a text message quoting the price, but the Iron
Reverse Fake Natty might just use the money to buy more bling
bling and Burger King for all we know. This
picture pretty much sums up how PJ feels every time The Iron
Freeloader shows up to Blackstone Labs and PJ has to deal with his
delusions and rambling. Pajamas confirms that Blackstone Labs is
taking Jason to Mr. Olympia in Las Vegas in September, which is a
week before the Ruby. The Mother is allowing it on the condition
that she tags along. (The Sith
Lord invades Blackstone Labs)
-In another session with Coath Karen, Genova is surprisingly self
aware of his weaknesses, noting his flat biceps and lack of
shoulders despite looking the best he's looked in a long time.
It's puzzling that he's self critical now, yet when he's a fat
slob Hindenburg, he's suddenly "got that Craig Titus look. Huge
and fuckin freaky!" PJ offers to buy Jason a Ferrari in the
unlikely event that he wins the Ruby and if there's a minimum of 6
other competitors in his class, but for some reason Jason seems
more interested in getting a Rolex watch than a Ferarri. Maybe
because it's manual transmission? (Another
session with Coath Karen)
-Jason's adonis belt is starting to come in and he's sporting some
major
vascularity. Maybe Lenny really did hook him up with loads
of skittles. The only thing stopping Jason from matching his peak
in the Adam Era is that his stomach still has a bit of a "deflated
balloon" look to it, depending on the day and lighting, but he
already looks better than he did at the 2015 Ruby. Still seven
weeks to go until the Ruby 2017 -- plenty of time to screw it all
up. (Jason's
current condition)
-Nate's channel has exploded in popularity with 240,000
subscribers, and there's some weird tension between him and Jason
in a Blackstone Labs video after the two had not done a video
together in a long time. Jason later
calls an Order 66 on Nate after someone showed Jason a
supposed text conversation with Nate where he said that he doesn't
want to hang out with Jason anymore because he has a girlfriend
now and wants his channel to go mainstream. After Jason finds out
that the text message was fake, he apologizes to Nate, accepts his
own apology, and cancels the Order 66, but many pisstroopers
refuse to stand down; in fact, most knew right from the beginning
that the text message was fake but felt like an Order 66 on Nate
was a long time coming because he's the ultimate cookie cutter and
they feel like he used Jason and the Misfits to get his channel
off the ground. (Apology
video)
-Tired of being relegated to the friendzone, The
Delray Playboy insinuates that he's banging his bestie sister
Diana in an interview with Muscle Sport TV. Although he
doesn't explicitly name her, it's pretty obvious whom he's
referring to by process of elimination. Diana is understandably
outraged but makes an over-dramatic video where she insults all of
Jason's fans and calls Jason a liar, even though nobody believed
that they banged in the first place. Jason making up lies about
people is just standard procedure, but she doesn't get that it's
no big deal because nobody believes a word that he says anyway.
She says that she'd never let Genova get intimate with her and
even says she can "prove" that she never had sex with him. What is
she going to do, have her period on camera? She repeatedly tells
everybody how MATURE and INTELLIGENT she is, basically admits that
she was just using Genova for exposure, and that her real goal is
to gain a following by sharing her vast knowledge and experience
with people despite being a 20 year old bimbo with fake tits.
Genova later apologizes to her, but her stuck up attitude in the
response video rubbed pisstroopers the wrong way, and they invade
her social media, unprompted by Lord Vader. She deletes her
Twitter and disables likes/dislikes and comments on her YouTube. (Diana's response)
-Diana clearly had no idea what she was getting herself into
before deciding to enter the Genovaverse. This is typical of
people who hear about Genova and his large following but they
don't do their research first, brushing off warnings not to get
involved with him and be infected by the piss. They initially
think that they can handle the trolling, but then when they
actually experience it they're like, "Oh fuck". Diana runs crying
to Marc Lobliner asking for help in dealing with the pisstroopers
since he's been a victim of them himself. Lobsterliner white
knights Diana by calling out Genova for Order 66ing Diana, even
though he didn't actually do it and the pisstroopers acted on
their own. Lobster Prick then tries snitching on all the
pisstroopers who harassed Diana on her social media by posting up
their profiles and contacting e.g. their workplaces. He
pathetically tries to call his own Order 66 on Genova as if he has
any power at all to do this. Lord Vader retaliates by calling a
real Order 66 on Pocketliner, and he quickly deletes his white
knighting video. Diana is on her own now and will probably spend
the next decade trying to dispell Genova's Curse. (Lobster Prick tries white knighting Diana)
-Speaking of Genova's Curse, another major scandal hits after Rich
Piana falls into a coma for over a week: A troll convinces Jason
that Piana died, so Jason falsely reports the news in a video that
Piana is dead, but he also adds that Piana deserved to die because
he didn't collab with him (a second time). This causes a far
greater backlash than the time Jason laughed at Greg Plitt's death
because The Piano Man is the most beloved meme in all of YouTube
fitness. Genova gives another Academy Award winning performance
when he cries in the car over it with Jonny Bravo. Jason later
claims that the reason why he said Piana deserved to die is
because he was hopped up on supplements and out of his mind. PJ
Braun now has a public relations disaster to deal with because he
promised to take Genova with him to the Olympia as part of
Blackstone Labs, and he says that he might have to punish Genova
by not taking him now. (Rich Piana get what deserve)
-Rich Piana finally passes away for real after being in a coma for
two weeks, so now Genova really looks like an asshole. In addition
to that, the traitor Jonas the Rat Prick, still holding a grudge
from the time PJ ordered Jason to dump Jonas over My Story Part 7
and always eager to sabotage the relationship between the two,
stokes the flames by leaking a video that he secretly recorded of
Jason saying that PJ Braun cheated on his ex-wife by doing Gay For
Pay. We've claimed that "the hate for Jason is at an all time
high" multiple times in these cliff notes but he truly does exceed
the previous level of hate each time, and this is no exception. As
a result, Blackstone Labs issues an official statement that they have
severed all ties with Genova and will no longer coath him, provide
supplements to him, or do videos with him. This is a potential
disaster for Genova's contest prep. He recently had his body fat
tested at 11% according to a DEXA scan and was well on his way to
coming into the Ruby in his best ever shape. Now that he's been
abandoned by all of his Blackstone Labs coaths, there's no
evidence that he's even touched a weight since the session with
Coath Karen over a week ago and he's clearly turned to comfort
eating; he's looking noticeably worse than he was a month ago. The
chances of him looking decent for the Ruby are grim, and at this
point he is so despised that he'll probably be booed off the
stage. Saying that The Piano Man deserved to die for not collabing
with him was the biggest mistake of Genova's YouTube career.
-Jonny Bravo visits Jason's condo while filming a new Delray
Misfits documentary, which he claims has interest from a major
network, and it's discovered that Jason's revolting shaker cup has
maggots in it. This brings to mind an old video where Nate visited
Jason's condo and The Piss Lord assured him, "I have clean
cups. I washed them. You can trust me". (The maggots video)
-Jonny Bravo and Diana stream an Instagram Live session where they
openly mock Genova and ponder over whether Jonny would fuck Jason
in the ass for a million dollars. The very mature and intelligent
Diana thinks that no one will record the video because it's
"encrypted and copyrighted by Diana Maybrook and you're not
allowed to use it". Diana is also spotted thanking PJ Braun on the
Blackstone Labs Instagram post that announces the firing of Jason
Genova. It's possible that she's so full of herself that she
thinks Jason implying that he banged her was the reason why he was
fired. The beginning of the infamous oatmeal burning video from
2011 contained this text: "The bodybuilding community has turned
against me." --AKA The Man Motion. The quote was funny
at the time because it was so absurd: How was the bodybuilding
community supposed to turn against Genova when he was some obscure
mentally impaired nobody? However, it proved to be prophetic and
certainly does apply now. Nate clearly wanted to rid himself of
Jason long ago but feared reprisal from the pisstroopers, but now
that everyone is on the Jason hate train and it's socially
acceptable to dump him, he's ignoring all his phone calls. Jason
streams himself watching the Floyd Mayweather Jr. vs Conor
McGregor fight in a bar with his mother, which is unusual since
he's usually with Andrew and Brad for such an event. (Diana's copyrighted and encrypted video)
-After it seems like everyone has abandoned the Piss Lord,
an unexpected person finally comes to The Man Motion's defence:
The Motor City Madman, Jay Masters. He makes a series of Instagram
videos going in dry on PJ Braun for dumping Jason yet still
keeping Diana. He even sacrifices his own Instagram account by
posting a bunch of pictures of PJ's gay for pay spreads, and his
account is subsequently banned. There are also rumblings of
another Order 66 video being made against Diana by pisstrooper
admiral HeridaV, whose Order 66 Jason Bloho video hit 200,000
views and left a trail of destruction in its wake. Blackstone Labs
quietly fires Diana. (Jay Masters stands up for the Piss Lord)
-Jason's team of highly trained Blackstone Labs coaths is replaced
by Jason's mom. Coath Gain Goblin is obviously not pushing him
very hard as his workouts now consist of lifting weights with so
little intensity that he doesn't even break a sweat, with some
gentle jogging on the beach afterwards. His
mom tries filming one of his posing sessions in his underwear
and they get into a heated argument after he calls her an "idiot".
One week out from the Ruby, he goes to get another DEXA scan for
his body fat and tells the technician, "I'm scared that I've
gained muscle". Unsurprisingly, his body fat has increased from
11% a month ago to 14.9%. He makes the excuse that Hurricane Irma
screwed up his entire contest prep. So what does that mean? He was
forced to subsist on the Burger King that he kept in his freezer
for a few days? It also fails to account for the months before
that where he got progressively fatter. He weighs 195 pounds with
a sizeable gut, and it's no longer possible for him to cut down to
middleweight like he planned, but still insists to Andrew that he
looks jacked. I got that Chris Farley look. Huge and fuckin
freaky! (A chunky Piss Lord insists he can still diet
down and look respectable in less than a week)
-Jason decides to start bulking a few days before the Ruby (now
dubbed "The Special Olympia") and fattens up to over 200 pounds on
the day of the show. He's now in the heavyweight class with Dale,
so not only did he fail to make middleweight, but now he's even
too fat for light heavyweight. Lenny was hospitalized for a week
with atrial fibrillation so at least he has a good excuse for
looking like shit, unlike Genova. Jason's already back in Hindenburg mode,
helping himself to all the slop before the night show even begins.
Lenny says that he gave Jason liquid Cialis before the show so he
has a raging boner -- intensified I'm sure by him and Lenny oiling
each other up backstage (less stress). Jason wore the classic PJ
Braun red posing trunks for the morning judging but debuts some
new golden posing trunks for the night show, presumably to help
the ever-present piss stains to blend in. Just like the previous
Ruby, he rushes through his whole routine and repeats his most
muscular pose ("most autistic" is more like it) every 10 seconds.
Hilariously, Jason is booted to the novice class, which only has
one other guy, and Lenny also has one opponent in the super
heavyweight category, so both Jason and Lenny get 2nd place
trophies with Dale getting 3rd place in his class despite looking
the best by far out of the three competing Misfits. Once again,
the Jason Genova adages of, "Sometimes nobody shows up and you
automatically win" and, "It politics bro" are proven. (Backstage at the Ruby) | (Night show posing)
The Video Gamer and Hollywood Actor Era That Never Was
(October 2017 - November 2018)
Jason Genova hard at work in LA Fitness doing his brutal
dungeon slayer workout for his next bodybuilding show
-Genova says he's now done with competing. An
hour later, he says he's doing one last show in November.
Piss. There's no real content on his channel anymore; just
shitty 10 minute livestreams where he stares into his phone
silently for minutes at a time as he ignores the flood of
negative comments, finds the 1 comment in 50 that praises him
(probably sarcastically) and replies, "Thanks brotha". He also
has a tendency to say, "Give you a shoutout? Sure brotha"
without even bothering to say the person's name. Pig Pen's
spray tan still remains for several days after the Ruby
Championships. At this rate, he won't even have to get a new
coat of tan for his show next month. He helps make a video on
his mother's cooking channel and whispers to her (not quite
quietly enough) to run the video up to 10 minutes so they can
get more ad money, it Jewening. He starts whining when she
ends the video a couple minutes before the 10 minute mark. (Running
up that ad money)
-Jason cancels the bodybuilding show and
announces that he's going to be a professional gamer now on
Twitch.tv, despite never having mentioned video games before
in his entire life. Some potato sends him a free Playstation 4
and a new desktop computer for gaming then helps him set up
and moderate his Twitch.tv channel. It becomes apparent that
the sponsor wants to try piggybacking off Jason's popularity
to collect donations and direct people to his own poverty
videos which have 11 views each. Jason seems to think that
it's some kind of gay for pay cam show, listing prices for a
shoutout, shoutout + dance, and shoutout + posing in speedos.
The video games are completely incomprehensible to Pudding
Head as he runs his character around in circles, and he's
unable to even complete the tutorial in Grand Theft Auto V.
His gaming career ends after one night when he's banned for
posing in his speedos live on stream. Strong waste of $2,000+
by the sponsor. (G4P on Twitch.tv courtesy of Mr. No Homo)
-Jason attempts to game some more but quickly loses interest when
the donations don't roll in like he was expecting them to because
he's not a hot chick showing her tits on stream while playing
League of Legends in Silver League. The Spaniard announces that
he's going to try out for the WWE instead. He can't even win one
match in WWE 2K17 on easy mode, how is he supposed to beat Brock
Lesnar IRL? (Jason Genova's aspiring new career)
-Delray Misfit Emma overdoses on heroin according to her family.
She's in the hospital for kidney failure and the circulation to
her legs being cut off. She denies using heroin and claims that
she just accidentally fell asleep on her legs. Her family starts a
fundraising campaign which raises over $4,000, many of the
donations coming from Genova's Witnesses. However, the
relationship between Jason Genova and the Misfits deteriorates
further after Emma makes a video accusing Jason of asking people
to donate money to him so that he could pass it off to Emma, but
he just kept it instead. Fellow junkie Nate also takes her word
for it and throws Jason under the bus, using this as an excuse for
why he no longer hangs out with him (he's always looking
desperately for justification to distance himself from Jason so he
can go full cookie cutter with the popularity of his channel). It
appears that the two potatoes, Emma and Nate, failed to do any
fact checking first before raising such a serious accusation
against Jason: the sole evidence that Emma had for Jason's theft
was a few trolls messaging her and telling her that Jason was
asking for money on her behalf. However, Jason had actually made a
video earlier encouraging people to go to Emma's own fundraising campaign and donate
to her. Genova's reputation for past scummy behaviour is
such that people are eager to pounce on any allegation, no matter
how little evidence there is, of him being a scumbag. This is like
the story of the boy who cried wolf, except in this case it's the
boy who cried, "How bout 15 buck PayPal, I'm entitled to it". (Nate's video)
-On the Delray Misfits podcast, Andrew essentially absolves Jason
of wrongdoing after secretly examining his private messages on
Instagram and Facebook as well as PayPal receipts in his e-mail
and did not find a single piece of evidence that people donated
him money to pass off to Emma. On the same podcast, Lenny
convinces Jason to do the Dayana Cadeau show with him in October,
which is much bigger than the Ruby. It sounds like we could be
entering the Coath Lenny era as he encourages Jason to go full
Hindenburg, train with him, and then start dieting in June. It's
desperately needed and the only possible thing that could save The
Ment at this point. Lenny warns Jason that if he fails to get
shredded, he's going to shove pills down his throat and not tell
him what they are. (Podcast addressing the allegations against
Jason)
-At long last, for the first time since the break-up after the
Rich Piana "get what deserve" incident, Jason barges into the
Blackstone Labs office and reunites with PJ Braun, claiming that
he misses his brother. Jason asks PJ if he saw his apology video.
PJ says he has a lot of apology videos. Jason clarifies, "The
sincere one". He still insists that he's moving to LA in the
summer to pursue his acting career and that his bodybuilding show
at the Dayana Cadeau will be a 1980 Arnold-esque comeback at Mr.
Olympia. PJ tells Jason that most of his employees are mad at
Jason and he's going to need to do a lot of work to win them back.
Jason asks PJ if he's entitled to a little Christmas present, and
PJ asks him what he wants. Jason had been gushing over "PeeJay" so
much that we were half expecting him to say, "All I want for
Christmas ... is you". Of course, The Iron Extortionist had other
ideas and asks for a drone. PJ refuses to buy Jason an expensive
DJI drone but gives him $100 to buy a cheap one he saw at
Wal-Mart. He takes the cash and skedaddles outta there. PJ reveals
that the whole thing was a test to see if Jason sincerely missed
him or if he just wanted money again. PJ pretended to be annoyed
in the video, but you can tell that he was enjoying The Ment and
missed Lord Pissious raising havoc around the office. Genova could prove useful for
Blackstone Labs, with the views of Blackstone Labs' YouTube channel
taking a nosedive since his departure. (Genova reunites with bother PeeJay)
-Pajamas runs his Beat
PJ transformation contest again with a $10,001 prize (the extra
$1 is solely so he can one-up his nemesis Aaron Singerman's
$10,000 transformation contest with RedCon1). PJ actually writes
into the official rules that "Jason
Genova cannot enter unless he also shows a proof of purchase for
a quality drone." Genova initially tries sending PJ a picture of
the drone as proof that he bought it, and it turns out that he
got it straight off Google Images. The Iron Extortionist
actually apologizes to PJ for only asking for $100 instead of
$500 during his last visit so he could have bought a nicer DJI
drone that costs a thousand buck. The Iron Jew attempts to
negotiate a "deal" with PJ that if he sends Jason $500-$1,000,
he'll buy the drone and count it as his entitled birthday gift.
Lord Vader's Jedi mind tricks don't work on PJ for once, and he
refuses to send him any more money. (The drone
scandal)
-Jason really does buy a DJI Phantom 3 drone. The drone saga
comes to an anti-climactic (albeit predictable) end after he
apparently crashes it by flying it into himself, with the
propeller slicing up his arm. (Jason
admits how he sliced up his arm)
-Another random stranger decides to interject himself into the
Genovaverse without doing any research first on Genova's Curse:
"Big Rob" announces that he's Jason's new manager. He's made
videos in the past portraying himself as helping out mentally
retarded kids and must think that Genova is one, too. He talks
to him like he's 12 years old and makes weird cringey videos
where he dresses up like a superhero and has phone conversations
with the president. Witnesses detect creepy Jerry Sandusky pedo
vibes from him; one day somebody is going to walk into the
showers at LA Fitness and hear rhythmic slapping sounds before
discovering Big Rob and Genova in there together with the latter
dressed up like a Jedi academy youngling. (Big Rahb being a weirdo)
-Big Rob is influencing Jason heavily with promises that he
knows "The Rock Johnson" and can set up a collab video with him.
Jason sees Big Rob as his ticket to a Hollywood movie career.
Big Rob starts blocking people from Jason's YouTube comments
section, claiming that he'll stop all the people from bullying
him. Jason has never censored his YouTube comments section
before, and this is actually disastrous for his views since his
content is unwatchable now, and the only reason why he still
gets views is because people enjoy hurling insults at him in the
comments. Big Rob also vows to stop everybody who bullies Jason
in real life, and this includes the Delray Misfits. Big Rob
convinces Jason that the Misfits are vulgar and a bad influence
on him, so he needs to drop them so he can team up with him
instead and do the promised collab with The Rock Johnson. Big
Rob is really shaping up to be the next incarnation of Jonny
Fitness.
-An ongoing feud between PJ Braun and Big Jay Masters, dating
all the way back to the time Jay went in dry on PJ in response
to him firing Genova but keeping Diana Maybrook, finally reaches
a boiling point: Genova actually betrays his friend Jay Masters
by issuing an Order 66 against him after PJ bribed him with an
expensive $300 toy lightsaber. Thus, we had the mind blowing
situation where the CEO of a multi million dollar company paid a
mentally retarded bag boy to send his Internet legion to harass
a fat alcoholic powerlifter who lives in his truck. The Jason
Genova Saga is truly one of a kind. Dale Chance (who recently got a Blackstone Labs
sponsorship) also got in a serious car accident, and when people asked PJ during a livestream
if he phoned Dale in the hospital and wished him well, PJ
said he didn't care and had more important things to worry
about than Dale. PJ seemed angry that Dale didn't make as
many Instagram posts shilling Blackstone Labs products as he
promised. PJ has been acting erratically for
a while now and is a bloated mess, clearly hitting the bottle
again and probably on drugs, too. It looks like a full blown
Blackstone Labs vs Delray Misfits war could break out -- that
is, if PJ doesn't check himself into rehab first. (A
drunk/hungover PJ gloats about the Order 66 on Jay Masters)
-Jason, prodded by Big Rob and Jane, severs ties with the Delray
Misfits after accusing them of "using too much vulgar language"
and hijacking his t-shirt website. There is actually slight
slight maybe 1% of truth in this since Andrew made
jasongenovaclothing.com redirect to delraymisfitsgear.com after
Big Rob convinced Jason to make clothing with him instead. Jason
also expresses disapproval at Jay Masters' behaviour at the infamous Halloween Party 2016 where he
showed up extremely drunk, dressed up like O.J. Simpson, and
wielding a large machete (this was clearly The Mother's
influence in his big sanctimonious speech). (Jason
announces that he has split with the Delray Misfits)
-Big Rob, just like everybody who came before him, finally
realizes that he's dunked his head too deep into the warm piss
waters of Lake Cresva and announces that he wants nothing to do
with Jason anymore. He cracked even faster than usual from the
pressure of the trolls and the 3:00 AM phone calls from Genova
to pay for an Uber. Lord Vader, of course, immediately Order 66s
Big Rob after being abandoned, but the Order 66 has lost all of
its power since Genova is so despised now. Big Jay Masters
actually comes out with a video where he announces that he has
overthrown Lord Vader in a coup and is the new issuer of Order
66s. Big Rob quickly realizes that he's receiving a lot of
positive feedback for hating on Jason, so he continues to
release daily videos where he simultaneously insists that he's
over Genova yet still continues to namedrop him in every title
and insult him for views. It becomes
apparent that Big Rob was just a retarded attention whore
who wanted to use Jason as a way to get people to watch his
videos so he could reach 1,000 subscribers while keeping up
a "good guy" facade. (Big Rob attempts to escape the Genovaverse)
-Breakups between Jason and the Delray Misfits were a fairly
common occurence in the past, but the two parties always just
needed a time-out from each other for a while and then things
would go back to normal. This time, though, it seems serious,
and Andrew and Brad are talking like they've permanently kicked
Jason out of the Delray Misfits. They're very upset that The
Iron Jew accused them of stealing his t-shirt money when sales
simply dried up, and he inferred that they weren't paying him.
This is bad for The Ment since Jason can't make funny videos on
his own and just keeps mindlessly repeating his catch phrases.
Even Misfit Maniacs are expressing dissatisfaction with the
Delray Misfits podcast, with each conversation inevitably
finding its way back to the subject of black trannies shitting
on Lenny's face, which was funny the first 30 times but is
getting old now. The Delray Misfits actually manage to get the
legendary Coath Adam Harper on the podcast, but since Jason
isn't there, it ends up being a total waste. Just like all
classic sitcoms that go on for too long, most of the original
comedy that made the Jason Genova Saga funny is gone now, and
all that's left are tired old catch phrases and special guest
appearances. (Adam Harper Podcast)
-After PJ Braun catches wind
from Big Rob that Jason was saying that PJ used to supply
Jason with steroids (it's unknown if this was actually true
or just another lie), PJ dumps Jason once
again. Jason has burned bridges with everyone he needed to help
make menty videos with him: The Delray Misfits, Nate, PJ Braun,
Adam, and Jonas. He's desperate and starts up a new prank channel, not realizing that he
missed out on the YouTube prank video fad like 3 years ago. His
"pranks" consist of him calling up somebody on his contacts list
and saying, "This is The Rock Johnson! I'm stuck in the
7-Eleven bathroom with no toilet paper!" And the confused
victim replies, "... Jason? Is that you? What are you
doing?" Meanwhile, the Delray Misfits podcast really
scrapes the bottom of the barrel for guests when they bring on
Big Rob. He does his usual act of insulting Jason to receive
easy praise, and the Misfits buy in. The irony is lost on
everyone that Big Rob is the one who killed The Ment by
convincing Jason to sever ties with the Delray Misfits, and now
Big Rob is in bed with the Misfits, the former foes all united
in their hatred of Jason. (Big Rahb podcast)
-The saviour of The Ment arrives as the legendary and mythical
Andrew Collura makes his long-awaited return to Delray Beach.
Collura and Lenny actually film a brief posedown video with Genova in the
parking lot. Sadly, Andrew and Brad aren't there, meaning that
they weren't willing to put aside their petty differences and
reunite with The Piss Lord for the momentous occasion of
Christina Broccolini Weekend (declared by Big Lenny to celebrate
her birthday). To top things off, a Big Lenny sex tape comes out
the next day where a tranny sits on Lenny's face and pisses in
his mouth. Literally pissening. Perhaps the Misfits will take
Jason back if he can prove his loyalty and non-cookie cutterness
by starring in a tranny sex tape with Lenny, or at the very
least putting in an honest day's work doing creampie clean up
duty. (The Big Lenny porno. Not safe for work, to
say the very least)
-Big Jay Masters threatens to assault Genova
for making Andrew Collura and Lenny go rogue and collab with
"Lord Retard". Jay Masters' stock is rapidly plummeting
among Misfit Maniacs due to him deleting
videos on Instagram, blocking people who call him
out, and flip-flopping on PJ Braun and Big Rob: first Jay called Big Rob a
pedophile and threatened to kill him, then he
suddenly decided that he loved Big Rob after he
found out that Big Rob disliked Genova.
Now, Jay Masters is revealing his envy and insecurity in the
face of "King Andrew" Collura's return, the only Misfit who
has lifted more weight than him. He challenges Collura to a
boxing match but fails to confront him in person, just like
he did with PJ Braun, claiming hemmorrhoid problems. Jay Masters tries to play everything off as
trolling, but it strains credulity that he's not genuinely
seething from Jason betraying him for the toy lightsaber a
couple months ago. Jason is in the gym one day and is warned
that Jay Masters will be arriving in less than an hour.
Jason skedaddles out of there immediately. (Jay threatens Jason)
-In an attempt to drum up some badly-needed drama for his
channel, Jason gets into the most lame feud of all time with a
soft Filipino named Average Rich who looks like he barely lifts.
Average Rich is supposedly offering to fly Jason down to
California to compete against him in a bodybuilding show on July
4th. The trash talk consists entirely of Jason making multiple
videos where he says, "AVERAGE RICH, you're goin down, pinworm!"
and "I'm gonna creampie you on stage!" (Jason's foe)
-The prodigal son Jason Genova is finally welcomed back by the
loving father Andrew on the Delray Misfits podcast. Brad admits
that, despite The Shit Lord's irredeemable nature, they've all
been together for far too long and there's no escaping the piss
at this point. Jason explains how he wants a "cowboy girl from
the midwest, Texas, who believes in God and will cook and clean
and be my slave". He reveals that his recent conversion to
Christianity but still keeping his Jewishness is a way to
maximize the amount of gifts he gets. Jason even makes amends
with Big Jay Masters, apologizing for Order 66ing him after
being bribed by PJ Braun. In turn, Jay apologizes to Jason for
saying that he had fetal alcohol syndrome from his mother
drinking while pregnant. Jay Masters says that it's nice that
they're on good terms now, because, "I'm not someone you want as
your enemy". (Reunion podcast)
-Big Rob suffers the worst meltdown in the history of unprepared
people entering the Genovaverse after he gets into a feud with
his former friend Jonny Bravo, whom he became acquainted with
via Genova. Some trolls, including Adam Pollard, convince Big
Rob that Jonny Bravo sent the Albanian and Chaldean Mafia after
him. Somebody orders a pizza to Big Rob's house, and he pleads
with Jonny Bravo to STAHP IT JAAAAAHN, making bizarre claims
that the Chaldean Mafia cut the wires to his house and that the
FBI are investigating Bravo. Jason calls Big Rob crazy and
comments in a video, "He's even worser than me!" (Big Rahb's meltdown)
-Pudding Head livestreams his password while playing Fortnite.
He must have thought that he was protected by the asterisks, not
understanding that viewers could still see him placing his
cursor and selecting each individual number and letter. Multiple
online accounts of his get hijacked by trolls since The Iron
Security Expert uses the same "sithlord1986" password. It's a
miracle that his YouTube channel hasn't been deleted yet. (Jason livestreams his Fortnite password)
-In addition to
collecting nude pictures of fans, Genova reveals another
secret hobby of his: collecting coins. He claims that he got
scammed into selling his old coin collection to the Nigerian
queen for $100,000 a long time ago, which would have been
worth $500,000 today. Perhaps he stared into the abyss for too
long and this is the origin story of the Iron Extortionist.
His alleged correspondence with the Nigerian queen is
certainly dubious, but what isn't in doubt is his Rain
Mannening, encyclopedic knowledge of old coins, so he probably
did inherit some kind of coin collection from a relative of
his and then proceeded to squander it away. He educates fans about coins that "George
Washington's wife, Martha Stewart" had. Random lightsaber
noises are edited into the video for some reason. Genova
now has a new subject to bore people to death with at the
gym, in addition to his YouTube channel views and Star
Wars. (Before Jason Genova was The Iron
Extortionist, he was The Rain Man of Coins)
-Jason makes a grocery shopping video with
his mother set to Beethoven's "Moonlight Sonata". Genova's
Witnesses are moved to tears by this display of a boy and his
Gain Goblin struggling to purchase the very necessities of life
at Aldi and its profound commentary on the human condition.
Rumour has it that the video is up for a Palme d'or at the
Cannes Film Festival. (Video)
-Lou, a wealthy friend of the Delray Misfits
who was frequently a guest on the podcast, says he's
holding a Memorial Day barbecue at his house for the Delray
Misfits, which will
feature pizza and prostitutes. Genova replies, "Oh boy,
pizza!" But the Misfits don't let Jason off that easily:
they are determined to get him laid at the party. Lou said
that all the girls were fighting over the chance to take
someone's virginity. Memorial Day arrives, and Jason
decides to honour dead war heroes by banging some dirty
whores. Instagram and YouTube videos surface of him
sucking on their breasts and slapping their asses. He
claims that he finally lost his virginity at the party to
two Cuban hookers and a black hooker. He says that he tried to lick one's
ass, but she wouldn't let him.
The rest of the Misfits back up Jason's claim that he
lost his virginity, but some Genova's Witnesses
are skeptical in the absence of clear evidence, even if
Jason and the hooker went into a room together for 4
minutes. It's possible that, to Jason, sucking on a tit =
losing virginity (similar to how he thinks taking useless
testosterone boosters from GNC = taking testosterone).
Other Witnesses believe that the Delray Playboy does
indeed have the unmistakable post-sex afterglow. There are
rumours that there is an actual video of Jason banging the
whores, as well as a second Big Lenny sex tape, but they
haven't been released yet. (Breast sucking and ass slapping) |
(Announcement of virginity loss) | (Funny Instagram poll held by Jason)
-Jason gets a shady new manager with a criminal record.
He tells Jason to make a video where he "Order 66s cancer",
starting a GoFundMe to supposedly buy lightsabers for kids with
cancer. It quickly gets reported as a scam and is taken down. (Order 66 cancer scam)
-Jason announces that the July 4
bodybuilding show against Average Rich in Venice Beach has been
cancelled. There was some kind of misunderstanding because
Average Rich paid for Jason's hotel room but NOT his flight
(what an asshole). Average Rich is now stuck with a hotel
reservation that he can't cancel. M'Jew says that Average Rich
is a nice guy but makes bad decisions. No arguments here. They
might be postponing their showdown until next year, opening up
the horrifying possibility that Witnesses will be subjected to
hearing, "Average Rich, you're goin down, pinworm!" for a whole
additional year.
-Coath Ian McCarthy reveals that he's broke, his coaching business
is floundering, and he flunked all his classes because he
suffers from crippling depression. He also broke up with
his girlfriend. Feel cold, fans. Down dumps. He opens up a
GoFundMe begging for $4,000 to pay for his psychiatrist and
prescription drug stack. He takes Andrew's advice to use the
money on a vacation to get away from all the stress for a while,
and unexpectedly books a flight to Delray Beach, celebrating
Independence Day with the gang. Ian says that he was so deliriously happy while
working out with the Piss Lord that he hugged him afterwards.
It's fascinating how Nate despises Jason so much that he ignores
all his phone calls and shits on him nonstop when he's on the
Delray Misfits podcast -- on the extreme other end of the
spectrum, we have Ian McPopTarts, who enjoys being around Genova
so much that he sought to hang out with him as a means to cure
his depression. He talks about the possibility of staying with
Jason for a few months next year to coath him for the Ruby. (Ian and the Delray Misfits celebrate
Independence Day)
-Lord Vader begins selling Order 66s on
Instagram for as little as ten buck. Trolls go on a buying spree
where they direct Genova to read racist statements. The joke's
on them, though, because Genova is so illiterate that he ends up
butchering them all, so, "Order 66
Indian people for smelling like curry" ends up as, "Order 66
Indian people for smiling on on on people." An attempt to make
him say, "Order 66 Chinese people" ends up as, "Order 66 cheese
people". It's a mystery if Genova is truly this illiterate or if
he's actually smarter than people think and is intentionally
trolling the trolls after taking their money. (One of
the botched Order 66s)
-Jason losing his virginity is confirmed
real and the sex tape is discovered to actually exist after Lou
threatens to release it if Jason doesn't pay him back some money
for something. Brief
clips come out of Jason making hilarious dirty talk with the
prostitutes, like declaring that he's a "hard cummer" and
yelling, "Fuck you, bitch!" while getting a blowjob. Jason
later makes a video where he hands over $4,000 to Lou for the
sex tape and $40 for "peptides". Lou seems like he's high on
coke or something with his eyes bugging out of his head and he
doesn't blink a single time during the whole video. The whole
money exchange seems like some stupid skit, like the Jonny
Fitness fake tattoo, because there's no way that the Iron Jew
would give $4,000 to anybody other than an imaginary girl, but
it may have arisen out of a real dispute. It might be some kind of weird
mutually beneficial arrangement where Lou gets to wash his
hands of Jason's sex tape being leaked in exchange for feeding
Jason's delusions that he's a mellonaire (he's been making
multiple videos showing off stacks of fake $100 bills that
say, "For motion picture use only" on them if you look really
closely).
-The Delray Misfits hold a GoFundMe so
everybody can take a trip to Las Vegas (including Andrew
Collura) in September to attend Mr. Olympia. Jason is excluded
from the fundraiser though, with the Misfits reasoning that he
claims to be making tons of money off his YouTube channel and
always flaunts his (fake) money, so he should be able to pay for
himself. Jason solves the problem by extorting Jonny Bravo to
take him and pay for his hotel. Jason's mom the Gain Goblin only
allows him to go if she gets to come along. Jason is actually
going to be a special guest at bodybuilding.com's booth, which
is ironic since they're the ones who banned the Jason Genova
thread on the Misc and exiled all the Genova's Witnesses, but in
recent months they've finally allowed another thread to exist.
They even sent a huge package of supplements to appease The
Lord. A lot is riding on this Mr. Olympia trip, with both
Jason's and the Delray Misfits' channels being slow for months
now. This might be the last test to see if The Ment is truly
dead. (bodybuilding.com's pology assepted several
years after the Poonycheeps incident)
-Jonny Bravo basically just gives Jason and
his mom the money for the Vegas trip and bails on babysitting
them. Jason wastes the whole Vegas trip by doing the exact same
things he did back in Florida: badgering his mother to buy him
"ice water" at Starbucks and sounding like a spoiled 17th
century aristocratic child when demanding she buy him new shoes
at the outlet mall. "I
need them, mother. My shoes are horribly worn!" Jason wanted to go to the Pawn
Stars store and sell Chumlee his PJ Braun red speedos for
5,000 buck, but he ends up just taking a picture of the shop
from the outside. PJ Braun is manning the Blackstone Labs booth at
the Mr. Olympia expo, but he says he shooed Jason away when he
tried to talk to him and can't associate with him anymore
because his staff will mutiny if he lets Jason into the
Blackstone Labs building again. For the most part, the
Delray Misfits do their own thing away from Jason but didn't
fare much better, with the highlight
of their trip being a dull excursion to the Hoover Dam; Lenny
refused to go because it was a cookie cutter Brady Bunch
activity. He later mocks Brad on the podcast for dragging
everyone to the Hoover Dam because even in the 1960s people knew
it was lame (referencing a Gomer Pyle, U.S.M.C. episode where
Gomer dragged Sgt. Carter to a museum of rocks and Hoover Dam
while Sgt. Carter was trying to score with the hot broad he was
dating). Jay Masters went to the dispensary and bought
a large piece of marijuana chocolate that was meant for 5
people. He got scared of it melting in the van, so he ate
the entire thing in one go and could barely function. As
such, the long awaited confrontation between him and PJ
Braun just consisted of the two awkwardly staring at their
phones. (Lenny going on a hilarious rant mocking
Brad's insistence on visiting the Hoover Dam)
-Jason actually shows up to the Reddit message board
devoted to him. Fans are initially delighted, but the
honeymoon period quickly expires as the majority of users
sign a petition to ban The Lord for spamming. "Hey."
"Hey." "Hey fans, it me"
-Andrew and Jason return to the Jewish House
of Horrors a.k.a. Jane's Halloween party 2018. It's not as menty
as previous incarnations (especially since Jay Masters was
banned from it), but a drunk Jane dressed up like a cowgirl does
attempt to hit on Andrew and goes around telling the men at the
party that she needs a horse and wants to ride them. Jason also
dresses up like Anakin Skywalker and tells his mother, "Kneel
before me, ya hoe!" (Jane's Halloween Party 2018)
-Some Australian guy pulls one of the
funniest trolls in a long time when he convinces Janoy that he
works for Disney and is offering him a minor movie role in the
next Star Wars movie, but he needs to lose some weight for it.
He tells Jason that he's going to be playing a Jedi who is
killed off by a Sith lord. Reminiscent of George Costanza
perfecting his one line of, "These pretzels are making me
thirsty", Jason struggles to stutter out his one line of, "No!
Please spare me, my lord. I pledge myself to the dark side of
the force. Give me mercy! NOOOOOOOO!" (Janoy Cresva's pissening audition tape)
-Another major scandal rocks the Genovaverse
involving fans being scammed out of money. Oh, no, no -- for
once, it doesn't involve Jason. It actually involves the Delray
Misfits! The Misfits announce that they're going to be opening
up a Patreon where people can watch videos in exchange for a
monthly fee to fund more things like the Vegas trip. At first,
people don't really mind because they figure that it will just
supplement the regular YouTube channel with bonus ments.
However, it soon becomes clear that it's actually replacing the
YouTube channel entirely, so ments are now behind a paywall.
This is unusual given that the quality of Delray Misfits videos
is lower than it's ever been, and yet people are now being
charged for them. Nevertheless, they get a large amount of
patrons contributing a total of over $2,000 a month, and people
begin to question why they need that much money to fund videos.
Lenny gets fired from his hospital job after word gets out about
his tranny sex tape (he should sue them for discriminating
against an LGBTQ black man). Brad responds to angry fans who
don't like the Patreon by claiming that most of the money will
be going to help out Lenny.
-However, Lenny gets taken to the emergency
room after he overdoses on GHB (again), and he lets it slip that
Lou has actually been paying him $1,200 a week for only working
4 hours a day. In other words, it's basically charity, so Lenny
is certainly not hard up for money. A massive backlash ensues
against the Misfits for inducing people to pay money by claiming
that it was going to provide Lenny with necessities of life, not
recreational drugs, strip clubs, tranny hookers (which he has
been indulging in uncontrollably as of late), and Andrew and
Brad's child support. To make matters even worse, people who try
to call out the Misfits on Instagram are responded to with
taunting comments from the Delray Misfits account that they
don't have to explain to anybody where the money is going.
Andrew and Brad attempt to blame Pomps for the comments, some
cookie cutter who is apparently Brad's childhood friend (which
is weird since Brad is 39 and Pomps looks like he's 60) who
tagged along with them during the Vegas trip. They had enlisted
him to help run the Patreon. In an unexpected turn of events,
public opinion of the Misfits plummets while affection for
Genova skyrockets since he at least admits to being a greedy
scammer and lets people watch his shit videos for free. Could
this be the beginning of Jason Genova's redemption arc?
Revenge of the Piss (November 2018 -
November 2019)
-The Delray Misfits shut down their Patreon
in wake of the scandal, and they essentially stop making videos.
Focus shifts again to Jason's channel as Andrew expresses a
desire to help Jason film gym videos for his channel like the
olden days. Fans are mildly amused by Jason's new obsession with
the word "unfortunately" despite clearly not knowing what the
word means. "After I become a big movie star I'll be quitting my
job at Publix, unfortunately." "Just believe in yourself,
unfortunately." "Hey fans, today is gonna be a great day,
unfortunately."
-Another troll tells Jason that he knew
Natalie Portman before she was famous and they're willing to
come over to his house for an interview. As usual, Brad tries to
convince Jason that he's being trolled, but he insists that it's
real and makes a bet with him, agreeing to take him out for a
$50 steak dinner if it's fake. To avoid paying, Jason pretends
to conduct a farcical interview with an off-camera Natalie
Portman. "I'm gonna answer you some questions." --Jason Genova (Jason Genova's exclusive interview with the
one and only Queen of Naboo)
-Future IFBB pro Jason Genova, inspiration
to millions around the world, announces that his lofty goal is
to "get below 20% body fat and look okay".
-Jason obtains permission to start filming
at LA Fitness and begins the hugely successful "Freakier By The
Day" series. It sparks a minor ment renaissance as it's the
closest thing in a long time to the old school Delray Misfits
gym videos, and fans appreciate that things are returning to the
basics rather than gimmicky trips to Las Vegas. Popular running
gags of the series include Jason enraging Brad by blowing him
kisses and Jason's new catchphrase, "Whooooooooooo caaaares" (an
evolution of his old "who cares about _____, we're freaks!"
catchphrase). (Freakier by the Day with Brad and Lenny)
-Delighted by the popularity of Freakier by
the Day, Jason starts up another new series, "Bulkin' for
Freaks", because if there's one thing that Genova needs to
further his bodybuilding career it's to look like even more of a
fat tub of whale shit than he already does. His delusions simply have to be seen to be
seen to be believed. (Bulkin' for Freaks)
-In a Freakier By The Day episode, Brad asks
Janoy what he would name his kid if he had one. He answers, "Schlemp
Genova".
-The legendary Coath Adam Harper finally
returns in a reunion video. His thumb was comically torn off
during a recent boating accident. He puts Jason through another
gym workout like old times. Jason does his usual Oscar-winning
performance of collapsing and pretending to be on the verge of
vomiting, so Adam offers The Iron Jew $20 if he completes the
set of squats and burpees. He makes a miraculous recovery and
hurries over to the squat rack faster than when there's a
cucumber sale at Aldi, and he finishes the sets with ease. (Adam reunion part 1)(Part 2)(Part 3)
-Jason does another fan meetup event at the
Kavasutra bar and signs autographs for Genova's Witnesses. He
attempts to write, "YouTube celery" on one autograph, but it
looks more like, "Fat tub cell". (Meet and greet with The Lord)
-Jason does a workout video with a girl
named Synthia, whom he met at the Kavasutra bar a couple years
ago during the Star Wars orgy. She was instantly attracted to
Fat Tub Cell after he showed her his sickening subscriber count.
Jason quickly begins claiming that she's his new girlfriend but
that she told him she can't have sex until she gets married. She lets him slap her ass and even
simulates giving him a blowie while he does a set of chest
presses. Schlemp may have finally found a mother. (First video with Synthia)
-In a hilarious twist, Witnesses recognize a
tattoo on "no sex before marriage" Synthia's leg and discover
that she was the porn star Alicia Tease. Jason has been
friendzoned by a girl with an extensive catalogue of being gangbanged,
pissed on, and facefucked. The Grand Canyon is closed now,
unfortunately. To further add onto the drama, Jason is also
doing videos with another girl from the Kavasutra bar named
April who turns out to be an underaged runaway. Jason had
slapped her ass in a video. When confronted about this, m'pedo
pleads ignorance and says he thought she was a "dorf". (April the teenage runaway)
-Jason says he's off his cycle and taking "zarms". Despite this,
he's managed to lift some impressive new personal bests through
the power of sheer fat gain, like a 235 pound overhead push
press and a 475 pound deadlift. He weighs himself at 223: "Read em and weep." Perhaps his fat gain
is an allergic reaction to cucumbers. Jason also says that he's
stopped taking his meds, claiming that it's all a scam for
doctors to get money. Janoy Cresva here we come.
-Synthia continues hanging out with Jason, doing some cooking
videos and streaming with him on Twitch. They even go out to the arcade together.
While playing a Star Wars game, Alicia Tease says that she's
"not good with joysticks"; a dubious claim. Jason
starts to complain to Andrew that she won't bang him. He
denies being in the friendzone and claims that they "are in
between the friendzone and the sex zone, casual dating". For
Synthia's part, she never denies that she's dating him when he
says they're dating, and does seem to genuinely enjoy his
company. Jason also denies that she's using him for followers as
others have in the past because she doesn't have a YouTube and
seems to be phasing out her Instagram because of the trolls --
he actually makes a good point. What's her deal, what's her
motive?
-Soon after Jason hits the
50,000 subscriber milestone, rumours of a mass unsubbing from
Jason's channel abound, to take place on his birthday on
February 22. It was fueled by a couple videos where Jason was
extremely obnoxious and spouting his "Whooooooo caaaaares"
catchphrase constantly. Genova makes a last ditch attempt to
stop The Unsubbening by using reverse psychology, pretending
to encourage people to unsub from his channel and claiming
that he thinks it's funny, even going so far as to come out
with "Mass Unsubbening 2.22.2019" t-shirts -- all while he
makes hysterical phone calls to Brad and Andrew at all hours
of the day panicking about the coming Unsubbening.
-Genova claims that haters drove up to his house to
threaten him. He says he has to hire a bodyguard for $50 a day
for one day a week and get a 9mm Beretta. He claims that he's
shot guns many times "at the driving range". He also said that
haters ordered pizza to his house. He claims that he felt bad
for the delivery guy and tipped him $3 (which is possibly the
least believable lie in the history of the Genova saga). (Genova hiring bodyguards and getting strapped
to deal with hater trolls)
-Genova
ends up losing about 5,000 subscribers in The Unsubbening
and dips below the 50,000 threshold again. Trolls plan to
congratulate him for reaching 50,000 subscribers when he
gets there again.
-Genova does another workout video with Adam,
bringing Synthia along. Genova gives possibly his most pathetic
showing yet as he gives up after burning literally 12 calories
on a stationary bike and is unable to complete 10 pushups
afterwards. Adam tries offering him a $100 bill if he makes it
through the workout. Neither this nor the humiliation of Synthia
badly outperforming him is enough motivation, and he still gives
up. During the video, Synthia admits that she is indeed dating
Jason "casually" but doesn't want to rush into things because
she has a tendency to pick bad partners (there's probably a
self-fulfilling prophecy going on here). She says that she was
over at Jason's place and started taking her clothes off, and
Mr. No Homo turned around to face the other direction. He was
also too shy to sit on the couch with her. She said she found it
cute, though, so maybe she has some weird desire to hook up with
a harmless man-child after being abused and degraded by men for
years. (Adam workout part 1)(Part 2)
-J Cream embarks on a new rap career. His debut single "Baller
Status" is surprisingly good (you know, for Jason). Most rappers
boast about their gold jewelry and millions of dollars. J Cream
a.k.a. "Lil Treat" raps about his disability checks. (Baller Status)
-Attorney Scott
Miller's greatest challenge yet looms as the Department
of Justice charges PJ Braun with a 14-count felony indictment
for distributing illegal anabolic steroids in Blackstone Labs
supplements while hiding the ingredients from the FDA. They're accused of continuing to
sell the products even after learning that they were illegal
to get rid of all the stock. They further accuse Blackstone Labs of getting a
guy to pretend to be an FDA employee and approve their
products with a fraudulent approval certificate. Bother PJ faces a maximum
sentence of 15 years in prison if found guilty. The DOJ
also seek to seize PJ's house and his cars, which they allege
are the proceeds of a crime. Does this mean they will also knock
down Jason's condo door and seize his drone, lightsaber, and red
posing trunks? There's probably a team of federal agents
carefully studying old Blackstone Labs YouTube videos wondering
how the mastermind, Jason Genova, fits into all this. (The Blackstone Labs indictment)
-Jason does another video with Adam, who offers to make a
Genova-themed pre-workout through his new supplement company
Chizled Labz and give Jason 50% of the net profits. He will also
forward 5% to an autism charity (it should have been 1% -- for
each percentage point of autism Jason has). Adam also makes
Jason promise not to do any more gay porn. (Genova's new pre-workout coming soon)
-Jason pays his girlfriend a visit at the Kavasutra bar, where
they actually play J Cream's rap music. No one notices anything
peculiar, though, because as terrible as it is, it's
indistinguishable from the usual shite they play in bars and
clubs. She looks visibly bothered that he's there while she's
trying to celebrate her birthday. (Genova visits Synthia at Kavasutra)
-A new Genovaverse character named Robzilla decided on a whim to
pack up and move to Delray Beach. With nowhere else to go, he
starts living at Jason's condo in return for filming his videos.
He brings some insight as to what it's like living with Jason:
He has to put up with Jason being high on energy drinks/kratom
all day and night, walking around his house naked, blasting his
own rap songs at all hours of the day, Rob going to take a piss
only to find the toilet already occupied by a turd from the Shit
Lord, and Rob being awoken at 4:00 AM by Jason blending a
protein shake. (Robzilla as the new camera guy)
-Notorious P.I.G. continues
to release rap tracks, but the gimmick quickly get old as he
continually repeats the same lyrics over and over again;
whenever he can't think of something to rap, he always returns
to, "You know my flava!" and, "Ice cream!". The Walt Whitman
of Rapping is also totally incapable of making his lyrics
rhyme. Andrew tries to help out Jason in this regard by asking
him to think of something that rhymes with "ice cream". Janoy
replies, "Yogurt". (J-Cream recording his tracks in the studio)
-Jason finally admits that he's been friendzoned by Alicia Tease
and says he's had to cope by jerking off to her porn videos
(Robzilla said he did this in front of him). Jason says he's
okay with it because all that sex over the years has made her
look worn out anyway and "she might have AIDS or something".
There are rumours that Synthia will be a guest on the Delray
Misfits podcast sometime in the future to explain what happened
between her and Jason. Jason claims that he's going to buy a
Jennifer Lopez sex doll for $1,100 and then will re-sell it
after he fills it with "4 grand worth of cum". (Genova eggsplains the end of his relationship
with Synthia)
-Robzilla can't take it anymore and moves out of Genova's Condo
of Doom then blocks Genova from his phone and all his social
media. On the Delray Misfits podcast, Andrew asks him why and if
it was because Jason was harassing him. Rob replies, "Harassment
is his natural state".
-After a much-needed timeout, Robzilla reunites with Genova
after a few weeks and starts filming him again. However, Rob is
more focused on his bigger project: producing a new YouTube
channel called The Big Lenny Show. After hearing about this,
Jason immediately contacts Rob and says he knows a lot about
getting big on YouTube and offers to edit the Big Lenny footage
for him in exchange for a monthly fee. When Rob asks Jason what
he's ever done for Lenny in exchange for him helping out Jason's
channel, Jason says that he's paid Lenny in bodybuilding advice
over the years. Hammer curl works your tricep and your deltoid,
both. (The Big Lenny Show)
-Jason does another video with Adam for an update on his brand
of pre-workout. He claims that he went to the doctor and was
diagnosed with "grandioso disorder". The doctor said that all
the fast food is killing his brain with all the chemicals in it,
which explains a lot. Jason's car has also broken down, and when
he mentions that he's in the market for a new car, Adam and his
friend attempt to give a Jew advice on negotiating down a car.
Genova is asked to review the pre-workout and says, "It's a nice
flavour" before he even swallows it. Adam and his friend
demonstrate their bravery by drinking out of the same cup as The
Pisslord. Indirect kissu; ruined for marriage. They decide to
name it, "You Know My Flava". (Jason reviews his new line of pre-workout
with Adam)
-Genova is still without a car and refuses to admit he never put
oil in it. Just like last time, rather than fix it, he's getting
a new one (paid for by his rich grandma). He said it will
possibly be a "Honda Corolla". In the meantime, the "high
profilin strofilin limousine ridin' son of a gun" is now taking
the bus. He claims that he gets his bus pass at a reduced price
(possibly because the length of the bus is reduced as well). (Genova
eggsplains his car problems while bumming a ride off Bard)
-Jason goes on RXMuscle for an interview with Dave Palumbo.
Jason claims he used to suffer from Tourette's but beat it. He
also claims to have a photographic memory because he can
remember the "Luke, I am your father" line from The Empire
Strikes Back. Robzilla can be heard in the background trying to
stifle laughter every time Genova says some ridiculous bullshit
(which was invariably). (Jason interviewed on RxMuscle)
-Some intra-Misfits drama occurs as Lou threatens to sue Andrew
after accusing him of withholding money from him and Lenny that
was made from the t-shirt sales. Lenny is hesitant to side with
Andrew as he depends on Lou to pay him. This leads to a minor
backlash against the once-beloved Lenny for "being Lou's lap
dog" until the situation resolves itself somehow. (A Maniac's private message conversation with
Andrew)
-The Delray Misfits finally have the long-awaited podcast
interview with Synthia. She was very open about her porn past
and says she's been retired from it since 2009. She clearly had
a broken childhood, e.g. when she was 13 years old, she was paid with
cocaine for babysitting someone's kids. This helps
explain how she eventually came to the present day crossing
paths with the Monkey Prick. She said she was overwhelmed with
sympathy for him when he invited her back to his condo and
showed her his steroid stash that he mixes in a Gatorade cap and
then told her that most of his fans wanted him dead. She
realized that someone like him could never have a girlfriend, so
she decided to go out on dates with him so he could have that
kind of experience in his life. He told her right from the
beginning that he didn't want to have sex because he found it
gross, which makes it weird that he went around complaining that
she wouldn't bang him; most likely a fan got in his ear, as
usual. She told a bizarre story where the last straw with Genova
was when he was acting antsy all night and sat on the couch with
her. He then attempted to "make a move" by putting his arm
around her, tapped her on the shoulder, and proceeded to do a
Steve Urkel impression at point blank range: "DID I DO THYAAT?
DID I DO THYYYAT?" This horrified her so much that she ran out
of the Condo of Doom. Genova learns that she's on the podcast
and frantically calls in after 17 minutes in and is mystified as
to why she's blocked him. He apologizes for saying she had AIDS
and asks if she'll come back. She said she would be open to
hanging out with him again and doesn't hold a grudge but won't
be pretending to be his girlfriend anymore. (Synthia on the Delray Misfits podcast)
-Many fans were convinced that Big Lenny was in the early stages
of heart and liver failure because of his yellow eyes and
more-bizarre-looking-by-the-day gut. It's therefore not
surprising when he gets taken to the emergency room yet again
for a problem with his left ventricle not functioning properly.
Shockingly, the doctors say his liver is fine. Jay Masters is recovering from
torn quads from a catastrophic squat attempt back
in April. Andrew has also been out of commission for several
months from a bad shoulder injury that will require surgery
(Genova distracted Andrew while he was doing a set by saying
something like, "Honest opinion bro, what do you think my body
fat is", Andrew turned to look at him and incurred the injury).
Now all Lord Vader has to do is strike down Brad and become "The
Last Misfit". Odour Sissy Sis Bard for casting magic spells with
his lute. Brad tells a sad story in a gym video where Lenny was
actually crying on the phone because a female friend of his that
he knew for over 20 years and was thinking of marrying died.
Genova tries to hold back but eventually busts out laughing
(although Brad kind of set him up). (Died
of her death)
-Jason is now working with Dr. Tony Huge, whom Janoy calls "Tony
Hue", a renowned bodybuilder steroid guru. He was once a wealthy
bankruptcy lawyer before deciding to sell off everything and
move to Thailand for easier access to drugs and ladyboys (that's
no joke either). In a phone interview with Tony, Jason says he
is not going to compete again but is still under the delusion
that he will shred down to 8% body fat for the purpose of
getting big on YouTube. Jason working with a guru like Tony Huge
would normally be cause for excitement, but any hardened Witness
should know by now that it's just going to be the same old song
and dance -- especially with Coath Hue being across an ocean and
unable to harass Jason in person like Adam could. Given Tony's
reputation, it sounds like he is going to send Jason a bunch of
steroids in the mail to use him as his human guinea pig, but he
just sends him a bunch of legal supplements and "zarms".
At this point it's counter-productive to send Jason supplements
since they make him believe that they will magically melt off
all the fat and build muscle by themselves, making it
unnecessary to train hard or stop eating at Burger King. (Phone interview with Tony Huge)
-In a gym video, Brad calls out Genova for setting the Guinness
world record for "most lies told in 21 minutes" during his Tony
Huge interview due to his eagerness to impress
prominent figures; he did his usual routine of bragging
about being a CEO who has five different companies and has
made enough money to live off of for the rest of his life
from his crappy little YouTube channel. He
said he needs Tony's help to get in shape because he's going to
be starring in a Star Wars fan movie with a $2 million budget. "Some
of it was kinda true in certain ways, like sorta."
--Jason Genova. The one and only thing he was honest
about was when Tony asked him if it was true that he once hooked
up with a tranny (he answered in the affirmative). Jason also
gets a lot of flack for saying in the interview that he was
the only reason why PJ Braun became famous and was able to
build a multi-million dollar company, because people found
out about him through Genova's videos. Although that is
certainly true for the vast majority of Genova's Witnesses,
it's a highly dubious claim overall. Janoy's
behaviour is so manic lately that the only thing that shuts him
up is when Brad threatens to Baker Act him. Brad calls Jason's
mom the next day to tell her that Janoy needs his shot badly.
The Monkey Prick seems to be evolving a resistance to
haloperidol though and tells Tony Huge in another phone
interview that women have tried to drug him with roofies and
attempted to trick him into impregnating them with his Sith Lord
semen to create a Schlemp Genova. He also tells Brad that he
wants to adopt a Brazilian child, teach it English, and make it
cook for him. When Brad asks why he doesn't just adopt a dog,
Genova says it's easier to take care of a child than a dog. (Check in with Tony Hue)
-PJ Braun appears as a guest on the Delray Misfits podcast. He
says he legally can't talk about the indictment but maintains
his innocence. They spend much of the podcast shitting on Jason
(PJ even sent Tony
Huge a video message warning him about working with Jason),
although Pajamas does seem to indicate that he hates his ex-wife
Celeste more than Jason. He said that the WWE wrestler Seth Rollins
actually sent her naked pictures of himself getting out of the
shower etc. despite knowing that she was married. PJ is also
not on speaking terms with Aaron Singerman (which actually
has nothing to do with the fact that he is legally barred
from speaking with him). PJ said that when
he first worked with Jason during the Iron Mag Labs sponsorship
era it was a fun time, but Jason changed once he started getting
famous on YouTube and various people started coming into the
picture seeking to use him for their own fame. At this point, a
shift occurred where Jason started becoming obsessed with views
and not caring about anything or anybody else. Andrew agrees
with this, saying he had tons of fun filming Jason back in the
day when he was genuinely passionate about bodybuilding and went
hard in the gym. The Misfits confirm that Jason was trying to
sell them and other people the supplements that Blackstone Labs
gave him. Pajamas says he's now been
sober for one and a half years; at the peak of his alcoholism,
he'd down a litre of vodka in an hour. He said he accidentally
came across tranny porn one time and couldn't believe that she
was actually a guy -- he did several searches trying to find out
who she was (Chanel Santini), and in the process got a virus
that froze his computer. He was faced with the embarrassing
situation of taking his computer in to a tech guy and getting it
fixed knowing that his browser windows and search histories
would be full of tranny porn. (Delray Misfits podcast with Pajamas)
-Jason claims that another documentary about him is coming out
soon, to be called "Pumping Piss". It looks reputable since a
guy actually did come down awhile and film Jason, although the
amount of footage he got looks similar to the skinny bearded
hipster guy who never made his Genova documentary. (Trailer for Pumping Piss)
-Jason's "Sickening Pump" pre-workout with Adam
comes out. Witnesses leave reviews on Amazon like, "After taking
this pre-workout I feel as though someone pissed in my eye
sockets unfortunately." Andrew reluctantly agrees to taste the
pre-workout out of one of Genova's own cups (Andrew does the
sign of the cross beforehand just in case) and says it tastes
very tarty (although Brad thinks it's more like very 'tardy). Jason, of course, starts telling
tall tales about how his fans have messaged him about putting
100 pounds on their bench press after taking his pre-workout.
In light of Bother PJ's recent indictment, Genova is asked if
his pre-workout product has been approved by the FDA. He
predictably replies, "Whooooooo cares". Adam says in a later video that the
pre-workout did well and sold out the initial 150 units. He says
he is now going to be working on a BCAA with "piss lemonade
flavour". This was originally brought up as a possible flavour
for the pre-workout, but he was obviously hesitant to name the
pre-workout "piss flavoured" because it doesn't sound very
appetizing, but he reasons that the only people buying these
things are people drowning in the piss already. Jason is also
claiming that a car company is going to let him drive a McLaren
720 for free for 5 days because he's such a huge celery that it
will give them exposure. Despite McLarens being worth several
hundreds of thousands of dollars, Genova says he only has to pay
a $100 damage deposit unfortunately. Right after Genova got back up to 50,000
subscribers, there are also rumours of another unsubbening
coming on August 22. These mass unsubs are looking pretty
pointless though as it's just the same few thousand people
subbing and unsubbing over and over again. (Jason talks about his new pre-workout)
-Genova's got his weight down to 200 pounds and actually looks
a lot better than before, although nowhere near "good". While
doing a cooking video where he shows off that he is cooking a
healthy avocado and asparagus dish, he notices that he left a
box of Pop-Tarts in view and tries to slyly hide it behind the
microwave without anyone noticing, it sleight of handening. (Jus
a lil treat, don't be mad Tony)
-J Cream comes out with an unintentionally hilarious, autistic
new rap music video called, "East Coast West Coast" where he
defies the usual gangsta rap dichotomy of the east coast vs
the west coast where he says he's from both coasts. The big
baller who needs his grandma to buy him an economy car makes a
suitable intro featuring raining $1 bills with the occasional
$5 bill. (East Coast West Coast official music video)
-With his legs destroyed due to the horrendous squat injury,
Jay Masters puts Genova's "If you don't have the lower body,
you can't build the upper body" theorum to the test by
participating in a bench press competition at the Boynton
Barbell Center. At age 50, he wins the meet by benching 500
pounds easily. In doing so, he mogs a shirtless, tattooed,
dancing cookie cutter. Lenny also starts feeling up a black
competitor because he was getting turned on imagining him in a
wig. (Jay Masters' comeback, Part 1)(Part 2)
-The crossover no one was waiting for nor wanted occurs as an
IRL livestreamer named Broke Malone recognizes Genova in a
parking lot in the middle of the night. Broke Malone is affiliated with another Internet
phenomenon that revolves around degenerates similar to the
Jason Genova saga called Ice
Poseidon (never heard of her, personally).
Broke Malone fancies himself as a poverty Kimbo Slice,
filming himself getting into fights with people. The meeting is
initially cordial until Genova tries impressing Broke Malone's
girlfriend by telling her how much money he makes and his
upcoming role in a Star Wars movie. The two hit it off due to
their mutual Star Wars fandom. Realizing that he's getting
cucked, Broke Malone said that the whole meeting was just a
facade; he actually thought about stabbing Genova/knocking him
out when he first saw him in retaliation for an Order 66 he made against Ice Poseidon a
long time ago for not collabing. Broke Malone threatens
Genova and forces him to apologize before letting him go. Andrew
and Jay Masters are pissed, and an Order 66 with the full
backing of the Misfits is called against Broke Malone. Genova's Witnesses and Misfit
Maniacs form a united front and don the yellow armour of the
pisstroopers once more, embarking across Lake Cresva and
riding the tsunami of pure piss that is about to crash into
Broke Malone's house. (Broke Malone confronts and threatens Jason
Genova in a parking lot)
-The pisstroopers
dox Broke Malone and his family, and Jay Masters actually
drives to his house in his mom's Mercedes, pretending to be an
investigator and saying Broke Malone is in a lot of trouble.
Broke Malone gets kicked out of the house by his dad and his
girlfriend ditches him to avoid drowning in the piss. Robzilla also confronts Broke Malone at LA
Fitness and challenges him to a fight. He
cracks under the Order 66 and starts begging for mercy, saying
his 65-year-old dad is about to die from a heart attack from
all the harassment. He apologizes to Genova and blames his
actions on being "xan'd out" on xanax. However, the Ice
Poseidon "Purple Army" strikes back and the Delray Misfits
board on Reddit is shut down for raiding. Both Reddit boards
implode. (Broke Malone realizes he's made a huge
mistake)
-The big baller, J Cream, shows off his "new 2015 Toyota
Corolla". He takes it out for a spin while blasting his rap
songs, flooring the gas pedal and bragging about how much
horsepower it has while a van blows past him. Genova later
admits that the Corolla actually belonged to the guy who was
filming him. It's a bizarre thing to lie about having a
dependable, affordable, used car that's economical on gas.
He's gone from a McLaren, to a Corolla, to lord knows how low
he will go next. His next video will probably be him boasting
about his new Yugo and how much horsepower he gets after
putting it in H. (J Cream burning rubber with his sickening
fake Toyota Corolla)
-Nate's girlfriend of three years, Livia a.k.a. Dumbo (Genova
once called her that to her face and the name stuck) had built
a successful YouTube eating channel by piggybacking off the
success of Nate's eating channel. He last visited her in
Germany about a month ago but had to go back to the United
States. Dumbo makes a video appropriately titled "Cheat
day" with some German guy named Tyler Hahne who is the
wealthy heir of a restaurant chain. The pair seem to be quite
flirty, eating out of each other's bowls and with numerous
sexual innuendos involving nuts throughout the video. All of Dumbo's fans in the comments section
mock Nate for getting cucked and cheer her on for "dating
up" from Nate, an imbecile who eats for a living, to a
rich German Chad. Somewhere around this
time, Nate removes all mention of her and deletes all pictures
of her off his social media. People put 2 and 2 together and
assume she cheated on him. Jay Masters
calls an Order 66 on Dumbo. Nate flies all
the way to Germany for one single day for a reason that is not
known; maybe it was to confront her, maybe to win her back, or
his claim that it was to "have a discussion" and defend
m'lady's honour after the barrage of pisstroopers. He does a video there with Dumbo where
they deny that any cheating took place and that their
relationship is simply "on hold" and that Nate is cool with
everything despite looking like he's going to off himself at
any moment. Nate later
goes on the Delray Misfits podcast for further damage
control, insisting he's not a cuck and
claiming that he and Dumbo are still great friends, but few
people (especially not Andrew) buy this obvious attempt to
save face as he is extremely defensive and acts like all the
troll comments don't bother him even though it's painfully
obvious they do. Years ago, Genova once cryptically said that
Nate "should be more careful". The comment
was never explained. Nate should have heeded The Iron
Prophet's warning. (Nate does damage control on the Delray
Misfits podcast)
-Genova gets on the trendy new TikTok bandwagon and M'Kubrick
uses its obnoxious technology to create some avant-garde
masterpieces. (Genova's TikTok)
-Genova's new documentary, "Pumping Pi$$", comes out. It's
only 45 minutes long and as such is not an epic summary of the
entire Jason Genova saga but rather just shows the current
state of Genova as a social media and kratom-addicted man
child who plays with Star Wars toys and beams with pride when
explaining how he extorts fans for as much money as possible
when they come visit him. We also see a catfishing in action
as Genova insists that she's just "playing hard to little
get". Big Lenny also calls out Genova at the end, saying he's
tired of him being too busy being a cookie cutter rapper
rather than actually train for his bodybuilding shows. If even
Lenny is tired of Jason's shit, there's no one left on Earth
who isn't. The documentary certainly does not portray Genova
in a positive light, but he happily posts it to his channel,
only caring about the views. A deleted scene of Chef Crackhead
cooking salmon that is simultaneously raw and burnt is better
than the actual documentary. "It's a little raw but, I'll eat
it, fuck it." --Jason Genova (Pumping Pi$$)
-Genova says he's got a new job working at a restaurant.
Although something like this would certainly be no big deal in
an ordinary person's life, it's almost too bizarre to believe
given that Jason has only worked as a bag boy at Publix since
time immemorial. What is confirmed to be true is that he's
finally gotten a new car: a 2013 Mazda 3 hatchback. He boasts
that it's the kind of car that's used in Tokyo Drift. Perhaps
Genova can get a starring role in the inevitable reboot, The
Fat and the Furious. He further boasts that the
Mazda gets up to 160 horsepower in 30-60 seconds. He also
shows off its cutting edge CD player and AM/FM radio
technology. (Genova's new Mazda 3)
-Big Lenny isn't able to work his cushy job at Lou's
peptide business anymore after it shuts down, and he gets a new
part-time job working with Robzilla as a bouncer at a swingers
club. This doesn't cut it, and he is desperate for money. A
disturbing video is posted to Lenny's new Patreon where Robzilla
films Lenny overdosing on a mixture of GHB and an unknown powder
(probably Genova's
new pre-workout) that was given to him by a random
woman. Lenny's pupils are the size of dinner plates, he appears
to be frothing at the mouth, he's sweating profusely, and
shouting racial epithets at a cop. He's handcuffed and taken to
the hospital. Robzilla starts getting hate for enabling Lenny
and his self-destructive behaviour. As usual among Misfit
Maniacs in response to Lenny's more extreme videos (such as a
previous one where he was doing father-daughter incest roleplay
with a tranny prostitute), reaction is mixed, with some
declaring the overdose video "menty" and others finding it
deeply disturbing. At this point, Robzilla seems to be on the
outs with the Misfits other than Lenny due to his refusal to
take responsibility for his impulsive actions. Robzilla insists
that he only has Lenny's best interests at heart by trying to
get him views (which is very Jason-esque reasoning). He also
points out that it was Lenny who insisted he film him and put
the video on Patreon. Lenny is being evicted from his
mold-infested hovel and is talking about living homeless on the
beach. (Lenny high AF and rambling nonsense in The
Year of the Cat doodle doo doodle doo) (The Delray Misfits podcast where Brad rips
into Robzilla)
-Despite the relative success of the
Genova-themed pre-workout, Adam says that the BCAAs aren't
selling well. This isn't surprising considering a large
chunk of gym goers consider BCAAs to be useless (and one
endorsed by Janoy Cresva won't be changing their
opinions), unlike pre-workout which is something most
people can get behind for its undeniable effect as a stim.
Adam tries incentivizing sales for the BCAAs by promising
to take Jason out boating and tubing if they can reach 50
sales; 60 sales and he'll let him drive. Jason also claims to be off all the skittles
and has cut down on the energy drinks, saying his mind is
more clear now. It's true that he seems less manic and
more coherent than usual, and both Adam and his assistant
comment on this. (Adam is impressed with the new Jason
and discusses the poor BCAA sales)
The Museum Era (November 2019 - present)
-For months now, Jason has been showing off his extensive
collection of worthless, autographed bodybuilding pictures
(including his own) and Star Wars memorabilia that he
keeps in his house, convinced that it's collectively worth
several thousand dollars and will only go up.
-Jason starts a popular new series where he finally
fulfills his lifelong passion: becoming a food critic. He
gives each meal an arbitrary rating from 0 to 10 on
"taste" and "texture". It's clearly one big excuse to
gorge on junk food. In his reviews, he acts like it's the
first time he's ever tasted the foods when he's clearly
been inhaling multiple quantities of them every day for
his whole life. His critiques
include things like, "The texture is spicy". He
also gives the texture of an energy drink an 8.
At one point during a Domino's vs 7-Eleven pizza review, he picks up something off the floor and
eats it (made even more gross by the fact that he
didn't drop anything recently, so the five second rule did
not apply). To encourage him to blow back up into
Hindenburg mode, trolls give his food videos more Likes
than Dislikes for the first time in years. However, it's
unlikely that anything has really changed since he's
basically just eating the way he always has -- the only
difference is he's filming it now. The Iron Food Cricket
Era culminates in a return to the scene of the crime at
the Golden Corral boofay. Unlike last time, Jason
acts sophisticated and insists that he is here on a
serious mission to be a food cricket, but he eventually
can't help himself and devolves back into hue hue hueing
while eating all the slop. He drops a cookie on the floor
and puts it back on the buffet tray, and he and Andrew get
questioned for filming by a hater troll employee. Andrew
gets Jason out of trouble by insisting that he is a food
critic from the Lake Cresva Gazette. Genova eventually
stops pretending to care about the taste and texture of
food in his videos and just silently scarfs down vast
quantities of fast food while struggling to breathe. (A Taco Bell review was also noteworthy
as Andrew and Jason paid a poignant visit to the
abandoned Delray Fitness/World Gym at the end)
-Big Lenny's Internet fame is finally starting to pay off:
far from being forced to live homeless on the beach, he is
actually moving to Miami to live in a swanky condo with a mysterious,
wealthy benefactor of Middle Eastern descent who
drives a Bentley. He's
been acting as Lenny's camera man for The Big Lenny Show
along with Robzilla. The wealthy benefactor is dubbed
"Aladdin" by Misfit Maniacs (although he's more like the
Genie, granting Lenny his every wish) and seems to be an
aspiring bodybuilder who is helping out Lenny because he
had been watching Delray Misfits videos for years and
Lenny inspired him so much that he put on 30 pounds of
muscle. Along with finally getting Lenny into a clean
environment, Aladdin also wants to help Lenny take care of
the myriad of medical issues he has, such as getting an
MRI on his giant gut to see what exactly is inside of it,
taking care of some alarming sores that are beginning to
appear on his legs, and getting a new self-adjusting CPAP
machine to help with his sleeping issues (he was waking up
every hour due to breathing difficulties). It bacta
tankening. (Big Lenny moves into his new place with
Aladdin)
-Janoy continues obsessing over hoarding valuable
memorabilia and spends all his birthday money on a chunk
of coal, a piece of wood, and a "rusticle" that are all
allegedly from the Titanic. While visiting Bard's new
house, Jason also has his eye on Bard's Muhammad Ali
picture and seemed to be plotting for a way to steal it. (Dinner at Bard Estates)
-The COVID-19 pandemic has spread
around the world and hits the United States hard
in March of 2020. To make things really scary,
Genova says he's not going out to get his shot
anymore because he's scared of catching the virus.
"I ain't risking it, maaaaaan. Too risky." It
seems like the restaurant that Jason is working at is
owned by a chef of some renown named Robert Irvine, who
has a TV show on the Food Network called Restaurant
Impossible. Genova claims he's going to appear on an
upcoming episode. (Jason and Brad discuss the global
pandemic and Jason's upcoming appearance on Restaurant
Impossible)
-Jason claims that he did indeed appear on the Restaurant
Impossible episode in the background washing dishes if you
look very closely. To show that the apple doesn't fall far
from the tree, the Gain Goblin backs him up on it.
However, the person they point to in the episode doesn't
look like Jason at all; in fact, the guy has a goatee.
Jason seems like he is desperate to convince people he
appeared in the episode to stop the pisstroopers from
Order 66ing his boss for not collabing with The Lord.
Genova is cautious of COVID-19 but says that he won't die
from it because he's untouchable, comparing himself to the
Titanic, Hindenburg, and the Bismarck (all of these
vessels blew up). (Jason and Jane the Gain Goblin insist
to Andrew that some random Mexican-looking guy is Jason)
-All of the Delray Dipshits buy into some form of a
COVID-19 conspiracy theory. Even Dr. Tony Huge, who
doesn't even care that Genova has gotten fat AF
from all his eating challenges because Coath Hue
is so into the New World Order and how notorious
crackpot David Icke has the real answers to what's
going on right now in the world.
Shockingly, Genova seems to be the most level-headed out
of everyone, telling people to stay safe by staying inside
and "having a party by yourself". Although he does advise
people to take vitamins and kratom if they have to go out
and touch something. (Pudding Head's tips for avoiding
COVID-19)
-It's been months since Janoy Cresva last ventured outside
his condo to get his haloperidol shot, and the result
manifests itself in Elvis Pissley rising back from the
dead. Janoy gets a new Elvis costume and he performs a
spot-on impersonation of Elvis circa 1977: bloated,
fumbling and slurring lyrics, near death, and afflicted
with 1% of autism, apparently. (The return of The King)
-Brad the Mail Prick says that he's heard about people
leaving their Amazon packages outside for 2 days due to
COVID-19 paranoia. He witnesses Janoy, on the other hand,
opening packages with his mouth. (Bard visits Genova's museum and drops
off some packages for him)
-Genova makes a video titled, "Getting back into shape and
starting a comeback". The video begins, and it's him
scarfing down a Burger King family meal. Can't make this
shit up. (The beginning of Jason's "comeback")
-Big Lenny wasn't able to fit in the
MRI machine, so he is looking to do an "open MRI"
instead. His health has improved a lot. Aladdin
also wants to take him on his magic carpet and
tour around the country to visit Andrew Collura in
South Carolina, Dale in North Carolina, and even a
meeting with Lenny's estranged father in Virginia.
God forbid he's seen his son's tranny sex tapes.
However, Lenny is
moving out of Aladdin's palace because the latter's visa
is running out and he has to go back to Canada soon.
Things get a little gay when he makes a video saying he wants to take
Lenny with him to Canada to meet his parents. Any
day now Lenny and Aladdin will probably make a video where
they sing a duet of "A Whole New World". Lenny's planned
move to Canada won't happen for a while though because of
COVID-19 travel restrictions. In the meantime, he's set to
move into a new dungeon in Florida. (Dungeon shopping with Big Lenny)
-Jason's uncle had gone on an online rampage years
earlier, demanding that FitMisc remove pictures of his
mugshot and threatening to sue them if they did not
comply. He re-emerges again by posting on message boards,
private messaging, and texting various people on the
Internet demanding that they not only remove his pictures
off the Internet, but that they submit documented proof
that they have done so. This, of course,
just encourages the trolls even more. Jay Masters
calls for an Order 66 and takes the lead by
repeatedly doxxing him. Jason's
grandma gets involved, and she and the uncle confiscate
Jason's computer and threaten to kick him out of his
condo/museum if he doesn't comply with their ridiculous
demands to scrub the Internet of their personal
information. The uncle says he is working on Baker Acting
Jason. Jason vanishes off social media for about a week
until he makes a video where it sounds like he's reading a
script at gunpoint telling the trolls to leave his family
alone. (Jason says that the trolls have ruined
his life)
-Jason Genova's channel disappears from YouTube shortly
after pisstroopers ruin The Uncle's catering business with
troll reviews: "Taste 6.5, texture 3.3 unfortunately".
Rumour has it that Genova's grandma is also evicting him
from his condo and forcing him to live with his mom, where
he will have to open a one-room museum. Jason's channel
seems to have been hit with a devastating palm kick-esque
double blow, with Jason making all the videos private
while simultaneously having the channel terminated by
YouTube for violating their terms of service (most likely
The Uncle reporting it). Genova's Witnesses pray that over
a decade of ments isn't lost forever; it's unclear if
Genova is able to appeal to YouTube to get it back. He
might be laying low for now and engaging in a standoff
with his uncle over who gets Baker Acted first.
